Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Good girls are still real!

A friend of mine once told me that 'good girls' are hard to come by  anymore and that I just might be 'the last Good Girl' in the world. I actually tend to disagree with him. On the contrary, I feel that good girls get dismissed even when they are ever present. They are simply looked past because they are the ones that you know are good for you but you don't really want them. They are the ones whom you think you're too good for or even sometimes whom you think are just too good for you. But the fact remains that even though the 'Good Girls' still exist and are very much real, there are no takers for them.

You may ask what are the characteristics of a good girl. The most common response is that the characteristics of a good girl are that they do not go partying or clubbing, don't booze, are saintly virgins and follow all the rules laid down by their parents (read no late nights, no going out with guys, etc.). I personally feel that these restrictive definitions are very orthodox and incorrect and do not actually describe what 'Good Girls' are supposed to be like.

The real characteristics of 'Good Girls' are as follows:

1. She is realistic.
She doesn't live in a fantasy world full of daydreams and fantasies. She understands that the real world is not fair to everyone so she plays by the rules and although might take chances once in a while, she plays safe with full understanding of the repercussions and doesn't concede into depression if the things do not turn her way.

2. She has a heart.
What I mean is, she has a good heart. At the base of it all, the good girl cares more about things than she lets on. She wants to save the world and the least she expects from a guy is to help her do it. It is not her that needs to be saved. She is the front-runners to stand up for ideals and ethics and morals and is rarely seen to have dual standards. She is helpful to all and sundry, even going all out of the way to do so at times, and is generally someone you can rely on.

3. She is strong.
Guys often feel that the good girls are a vulnerable lot. Ironically, they are not and contrarily, they are quite strong. Whatever be the situation, the good girl will not fall to pieces and would instead pick up the pieces and rebuild her life. She will build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her.

4. She values relationships.
The good girl puts others - family and friends and people who care for her - before herself. She will fight not only for her own self-respect but equally for the respect of these people. She lives by her principles and will never let her people down.

5. She won't break your heart.
Because she values relationships, chances are, it's the good girl who will be the one to stand by you and fight your battles shoulder to shoulder with you, loyal till the end. Chances are, she will be the one left behind when you decide to move on. And, chances are, she'll be the one with the broken heart. But in true spirit of a 'Good Girl', she will put it behind her and move on to the next battle.

So, give the good girl a chance, guys... They might be the best thing that could happen to you.

Things I learnt from my child!

I often hear mothers jest that "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." This is becoming such an oft repeated quote by mothers that I actually started to think about what are the things we can learn from our kids, on a rather serious note.

To elaborate, it is natural for children to learn and gain understanding of the world around them from their parents. And as parents, we look at our children and think that because we are much older and wiser, we are their teachers, and they should learn from us. We must fill their eager minds with all of the knowledge we have obtained through the years of experience we have endured while endeavouring to become the wise sages of our time. Yet, if we pay attention to the beauty of their innocence, we will be surprised at the lessons they teach us in return.

All parents, including me, tend to expect their children to be on their best behaviours 24x7. Absorb all advices at one go, be in their gracious charming moods every minute of the day and be the exemplary personification of the well-mannered children we teach them to be every second. Probably, we want to prove a point to an invisible someone constantly watching us that we have been successful in raising the ideal child. We want our children to be the models and ambassadors of an excellent upbringing and we expect nothing but a perpetual live demo of the same from them. Are we not being unfair? When we adults, with all our experience and maturity, are allowed to be irritated once in a while; when we expect others to forgive our mood swings; and when we ask others to forgive our 'less than polite' or even out rightly rude mannerisms once in a while; why can we not allow the same leverage to our kids? We always blame circumstances for behaving against our good upbringing, but are the children not exposed to the same circumstances? Think for a while and you will actually realise, like I did, that the children behave far better and probably more maturely than us adults in many such circumstances.

Have you ever watched a child? There is a lot that an adult can learn from a child. As adults, it is easy to let everyday occurrences dictate how we feel. We tend to hang on to the emotion of the event we have experienced. Say for instance, you and a friend are going to lunch. As you are going to park your car someone pulls in and steals your spot. This really makes you angry so you decide to say something to the person as they get out of the car. Basically, the other person doesn't really care that they have caused you to get angry and they laugh it off. Now you are just infuriated! The whole event is stuck in your head throughout the entire lunch. When you get home, you realize you are still mad and to top it off you didn't enjoy your time with your friend because you held on to the incident in the parking lot.

Now let's take a child. They are in the park and they are playing in the sandbox. They have a bucket filled with sand and they are building a sandcastle. They pour the sand out and run off to go get a toy to add to their creation. You watch and notice they are intent on creating the BEST sandcastle of all time. They walk over to refill the bucket and another kid comes up and takes the bucket. The child who had it first grabs it out of the other kid's hands and boom, a fight breaks out. Both children get in trouble and neither one of them can play with the bucket. Do they let that stop them? No, they find something else to do. A few minutes later you see them playing with the very child they were in a fight with moment before. What does this tell us? How can we learn from the children?

We can learn a lot of things simply by watching the kids around us. Children are the perfect little teachers. Some of the things that I have learned from them are as follows:

1.       Go with the flow. Whatever is present in your life is perfect right now and that if you allow for it, you will enjoy the experience much more. Never linger on to the past or focus too much on the future. Carpe diem. Seize the day. Adopt this attitude and you will move through conflict faster and see better things appear than you wouldn't have seen otherwise. Also, allow others to be where they are in their lives without any judgment or interference in their path. The example above is a perfect scenario. See, children feel the feeling they are having. They express what they feel and then they let it go. They don't focus on the past or hold a grudge for the future. They just go with the flow! It is a wonderful lesson to learn as an adult. If the parking lot incident could have been different, the emotions and the following events could have been much more pleasant.

2.       Enjoy the beauty all around you. Have you ever noticed that kids see the beauty in everything and delight in it? I have quoted this earlier on numerous occasions and I will quote this again that "there are no seven wonders in the eyes of a child. There are seven million." They find something exciting and beautiful in everything they see. The bug in the garden gets them all excited. Sitting in a Tuk-tuk is an experience to cherish. I can get up in the morning with the worst bed hair ever, eyeliner smeared from the night before, pyjamas with cooking stains hardened onto them, and my 7-year-old daughter will say, "Mommy, you are so beautiful." She'll really mean it. No judging, no kidding. Likewise, there may be an abandoned house down the street with a yard filled with dandelions. I see weeds. She sees a field of beautiful yellow flowers, and she dances in them. Why can't we be more like that? Why can't we see beauty more, judge others less - or ourselves for that matter - and learn to dance in the dandelions? We should. While we're at it, we could learn to dance in the rain, too.

3.       Let go of your inhibitions. I love the fact that children are not afraid to strip down to nothing and run through the neighbourhood without a care in the world. Now, I am not saying that this is what we should do as adults. In most countries, this could get a person arrested. I am saying we should stop trying to be so darn perfect all of the time. Stop worrying about what the neighbours think and just be yourself. So what if your clothes aren't the latest fashion, or your lawn is not the brightest shade of green. If people judge you based on those things, that is their loss, not yours. Who would want friends that are always bringing you down, anyway? If we could take this lecture from our children's lesson book, we would all be a happier people. Don't forget to remind yourself that nobody is perfect, not even your neighbour.

4.       Keep the enthusiasm. Ever watched an infant discover a new thing, say, the fact that if he falls down on the bed in on his back, he won't get hurt. It becomes a new game for him because he enjoys his new discovery. It is his favourite thing until he discovers something new. He will keep doing it for hours and his enthusiasm will not die down. As we grow older, we start "getting bored" with one thing. The enthusiasm dies down after a while and we lose interest in something that excited us exorbitantly a while ago. We should learn to keep the enthusiasm alive. We should learn to keep monotony at bay. Remember, your dreams have no expiry date. You only need to keep up at it until you fulfil it and move on to the next 'new' dream.

5.       It's OK to believe in magic. There is a reason that when we think of hope, we think of children. It is because children aren't afraid to dream. They believe that anything is possible. As long as they keep believing, anything can be. It is when we become adults that we start letting fears and doubts creep in that limit us from doing truly impossible things. Fear kills more dreams than failure ever does. Fear actually does not even let us embark on the journey to fulfil our dreams. It doesn't allow us to 'Believe'. Children ask Santa for a gift absolutely believing they will receive it. As adults, we know the truth about Santa, but do we know the truth about God? I know God is real, do you? If you do, when was the last time you asked God for a gift and truly believed you would receive it? With God, all things are possible.

6.       It's OK to play. Children have the most amazing ability to be carefree and live life with no regrets. They play hard and love life as they are doing it. Amid our busy schedules and meetings, shuffling the kids here and there, cleaning the house, fixing meals, and running errands remember that those things that are most important will only be around for a short time. Then, they will be grown-up and gone. Loosen up and enjoy life a little. The dishes will be there tomorrow, and so will the errands. Meetings can be rescheduled or missed, and dinner can be leftovers. Live life with no regrets, especially when it comes to spending time with your family. Your children will only be children and living in your home a few years. Every year, time goes by faster and faster. Do the things that you need to do, then play hard with your children. I promise you will love life as you are doing it.

So, the next time you are out walking or in a restaurant, watch a child. See how they interact with the environment, their families, and other people to get what they want. They are brilliant little souls to learn from.