Trivialising 'Rape': The joke's on us!

Salman Khan has stirred up a controversy again. In a recent interview where he wanted to publicise his upcoming movie Sultan, he had this to say about the rigorous training schedule he followed, "When I used to walk out of the ring, after the shoot, I used to feel like a raped woman. I couldn’t walk straight. I would eat and then, head right back to training. That couldn’t stop."

This is one of the most disgusting statements I have heard. The trauma, the stigma, the feeling of desperateness and invasion of privacy, and the humiliation that comes with being a rape survivor is something no one can understand, least of all a privileged rich brat with a history of abuse and other criminal offences. Rape jokes aren't funny, nor is using the word raped as an adjective for a training that he chose to do in a film that will only make money for him and get him more fanatical respect from his fans, neither of which he actually deserves.

He did not stop there as he continued to describe "women" as a "vice" he is unable to quit. "Leave every second vice in your list – that’s the mantra I follow. And I have left everything one by one. When it was between coffee and cigarettes, I quit coffee. Between cigarettes and drinks, I quit the stick. Between the drinks and women, I have chosen women. Ab iske baad duniya chhod do." How saintly is that? Leaving all "vices" except "women"? But then you can't expect anything better from Salman Khan. After all he is a brain-dead, woman beating, human and animal killer who thrives on egotism of being worshipped as a cult. He's only being human. He's the Bhai. He's special.

And guess what? There are still thousands of fans out there who are justifying his statement; a disgusting statement for which he did not even apologize. His father apologized on his behalf saying he has been misunderstood. He has definitely been misunderstood by his fans who fail to see what a prick he is. People who think that Salman Khan is really just a misunderstood adorable pumpkin. They think that Salman bhai is embroiled in controversy yet again because the media has nothing better to do except call out problematic statements by influential stars. Them, jobless media people. While the world may be against this adorable fluffy little unicorn, who graces the world with his unmatched wisdom every time he opens his mouth, they totally support him. No matter what happens, these people are going to stand by him. Good idea... Because standing in front of him might get them killed.

But then, is it only about Salman Khan? Are the people around us any better? May be not all of them are sexist and misogynist little chums but there are definitely many people - both men and women - who trivialise grave issues like rape. Our politicians are living examples as they time and again come up with awesome examples of senseless and insensitive comments about rape. And why only them? There are many instances where the educated young people have trivialised rape.

I remember the Brazil vs Germany football match on 8 July 2014 at the Estádio Mineirão in Belo Horizonte, Brazil where Germany crushed Brazil with a 7-1 defeat. The match was such a shocker. However, for me, the dismay wasn’t because Brazil lost (it’s only a game after all, and countries win and lose all the time; it’s nothing new), it was more so due to the reaction elicited among many fans, especially over social media. They went so far as to state the most despicable of all metaphors in existence, "Germany raped Brazil". This inappropriate metaphor was especially ubiquitous over Twitter, where many people unabashedly and deliberately used the term rape over and over again. One only had to type the aforementioned phrase in the search bar to be suddenly bombarded with hundreds and thousands of repugnant tweets. And the most insensitive ones were followed by laughing smileys and "HAHAHA"s. What was more disturbing was how very liberal and educated and thinking people went about sharing these jokes and metaphors which seemed to make rape seem lighthearted and funny.

Don't we all need to retain some perspective? Rape is never funny. It's a barbaric act of violence against someone. For days the question kept bothering me - since when did rape become a referral to something good? Something positive? I understood that the people who used this reference meant to use it in the context that it was intended to be used; to mean that Germany was so good, talented and so powerful that they "raped" Brazil, which obviously meant that Brazil was the "weaker" team. After all, isn’t that exactly how "being raped" works? A powerful individual forces himself on a weaker individual, snatching and taking whatever he wants using threats and violence, leaving the victim helpless and humiliated.

What was and is even more disconcerting is that there are many who completely dismiss this crude metaphor by calling it a mere "joke" and making it seem like "it’s not a big deal" at all. How is it not a big deal when sexual violence, especially against women, is highly prevalent in the entire world? Every country of the world can demonstrate shameful statistics for sexual assaults against one half of their society. How much more repulsive does this need to get? 

I personally believe that the issue with people using the term "rape" so carelessly and heartlessly - as a joke or a metaphor or an adjective - is that they either aren’t aware or have deliberately turned a blind eye to the poignant problem of the prevailing rape culture and the fact that it's not only prevalent in India but all over the world. Rape is not a joke and should never be treated as such. So, to all you people who constantly use or have used the term "rape" to refer to something "positive", don’t use it! It’s not funny and it does not by any means sound cool. It also certainly does not demonstrate the "hard work that you need to put into something". You can argue all you want and tell me that rape in the contexts used as above doesn’t sound bad, but the truth is that it does. It sounds very ugly and dehumanising. Besides, there are far better and more appropriate words that could have been used instead to describe Germany's win against Brazil or the agonising drill Salman Khan had to go through. Rape, however, is not and never will be one of them.

I am my father’s daughter

From simple things like loving songs with Punjabi flavour,

Image Source: Google search

To securing a seat behind the wheel;
From not spending the weekends at home,
To enjoying a sumptuous Indian meal.
My likes and dislikes are same as his;
So are my quirks.
I am my father’s daughter,
And for me it works.

They tell me I am a strong person.
They tell me I am a fighter.
They tell me I don’t get stirred,
Even when my challenges get tougher.
They don’t know this yet,
But I can tell them now.
I am my father’s daughter,
They won’t be surprised if they knew.

Never the one to back-off,
Never the one to fear.
No matter what lies ahead;
Bring it on, my dear.
That was the kind of man he was,
That is what I aspire to.
I am my father’s daughter,
And a damn proud one too.

© Nishtha Khurana, 2016. All rights reserved.

Let’s change the way the world treats daughters AND SONS!

I am a daughter too. But I was given a beautiful environment to grow up in. I was never ever made to feel any different from anyone else. There is a difference when someone is brought up in a secure and loved environment. I grew up to be an independent person who looked at everyone with an equal eye. And as I was growing up, I thought it was so everywhere but reality is so different. Because then I came out of the shelter and walked the streets of my city. 

Any girl who has ever walked the streets of a city (any city and not just the ones in India though the Indian cities are quite notorious) will understand what ‘prowling eyes’ mean and even what groping feels like. I am sure every woman in any part of the world has encountered that flasher when they travel to school or have been greeted with catcalls when they have gone anywhere unescorted. Even I did. Then there were those who would accidentally brush past you. If anyone mustered the courage to complain, they would look at you with a glint in the eye and have the guts to say, ‘Go on, tell everyone what happened’. It is disgusting.

Girls are asked a thousand questions, boys are not asked to explain anything. Don’t you think it’s time to change that? I would say that the need to feel safe is everyone’s right. No one is anyone’s property. And no one should be made to feel that way either. We need to start doing things differently. First and foremost, talk about eve teasing and groping openly. No one should hesitate to ‘tell everyone what happened’. And everyone needs to tell the girls so. Tell them that it is alright to not take harassment face down. Tell them that it is those who harass you who should feel ashamed and not you. Children learn by observing adult behaviour. Gender stereotypes have to be broken right then.

And most importantly, have a conversation with your sons. An open and honest conversation. Explain to them the concept of consent. Tell them that it’s not ‘cool’ to lust at girls. Respecting them is much ‘cooler’ – respecting them just as they respect fellow boys. Tell them catcalls will not get them anywhere worthy in life. Tell them that all human beings are equal and have equal place in the sun. Don’t we all tell all this to our daughter’s nowadays? Why can’t we tell the same thing to our sons?

As Gloria Steinem puts it, “We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” That exactly is the need of the hour.

Let’s change the way the world treats daughters AND SONS!