Feminism and shaming!

I am part of a few groups on Facebook and I read a post this morning in one of these groups. The post was supposed to be feminist in nature - only it wasn't. The lady concerned talked about a guy who fat shamed a woman and in return she herself left no stone unturned in doing the same and much more to the guy, going far ahead and even commenting on the guy's strained marital relationship. I was offended to the core.

I myself am a divorced woman and I have never hidden the fact. The thing is that people do not opt for divorce simply on whims and fancies. And almost 100% of time they do not opt for divorce because of the changes in their partner's physical attributes. It's a long-thought decision which is never a winning or a losing game. It is always a lose-lose situation for both. And if you are aware about Indian laws, you would know that getting a divorce in India is not easy. It takes years of litigation, administrative harassment and mental trauma to go through one. So, definitely not a decision one would take just for the heck of it. If two married people part ways, they always have their concrete reasons and no one can judge or even has the right to judge whether their reasons are right or wrong. Not one person has any inkling of what they have gone through together and what kind of relationship and emotional bonding exist or do not exist between them.

Now, coming to the other aspect in the post - fat shaming. I am at least 20 kgs overweight. I even have medical issues which are related to weight. And even though I am aware I should do something about it, I am not doing anything. Do you think I am not aware of all this? Of course, I am. How ones body fares is best know to the person themselves. What use is it telling it on their face or behind their backs? We have young generation who has conceived a very wrong idea of how their bodies should be; resulting in anorexia, eating disorders and what not. I and my family are very careful about what we tell my daughter about her eating habits and body shape. In my home, it is an unsaid rule to never call my daughter fat. We discuss healthy and unhealthy and never fat and thin.

L: Greek Goddess Aphrodite; R: Statue in Ajanta-Ellora Caves
(Source: Google search)

Just yesterday, me and my friends were talking about postnatal depression. Very often it is related to the changes in the body following childbirth. Women lose their confidence looking at the sudden weight gain, stretch marks, and bulges. This is not something that comes just on its own. I am no psychologist, but personally, I feel it has a lot to do with the body image and expectations that the society has created for women. And this should change. The entire mindset about how women's body only look good if they are slim and have a flat abdomen should be thwarted. Please go and check the ancient scriptures. Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of love and beauty had enough bulges on her body and was considered the most beautiful woman in the universe. None of the figures in Ajanta and Ellora are stick thin. They are all curvaceous and gorgeous.

I recently read somewhere that "You shouldn't point out things about people's appearances if they can't fix it in ten seconds." I think it is a wonderful mantra to remember, follow and teach our kids too.

Choked!

The Supreme Court had recently banned the sale of fire crackers this Diwali and many people had hailed it as an attack on the Hindu religion. Now that we have actually landed where we did not want to land, I would like to ask these learned friends of mine whether Hindus are able to breathe better than Muslims today or vice versa?

Delhi and Gurgaon are choked right now. Pollution is killing us, our family and our children. We are literally breathing in smoke but all our government can do is close school or change the school timings. For how long? And is the air in our homes any better? My heart especially goes out to people whose jobs keep them out of doors like policemen, security guards, gardeners, field executives, etc.

Again, burning paddy chaff is banned by the Supreme Court and again no one is following the order, much like Diwali crackers. Moreover, when it comes to farmers, the government turns a blind eye not willing to irk their vote bank. Someone told me that there are limited alternatives for the farmers and those that are, are really costly and beyond their purchasing power. Maybe he is right, but they are costly and unaffordable for the farmers but not for the country and the government; especially when millions of people are choking to a slow death. 

Let's face it, we are in a state of emergency. We really need extreme measures, both to tackle the problem right now facing us as well as a sustainable solution. My daughter and her class mates are doing a project around how to make Gurgaon a sustainable city. They have listed down some solutions and they will be handing it over to the concerned authorities. But is there even a willingness to implement these? What about us civilians? Do we understand our responsibilities? I see people cribbing about the air quality but I don't see people opting for car pools, shutting down air conditioners, planting trees, etc. To add on to it, everyone is now buying air purifiers which again run on electricity and essentially mean more carbon imprint. 

This is the image of NH8 (Delhi - Jaipur Expressway) on Wednesday at about 7 pm. You are supposed to be able to see a bright moon there, just slowly receding into a crescent shape; only if we would be able to see. The visibility is at a minimum, only a few meters. There is supposed to be a sign board here right in front of me. I can barely see the street lights. Thankfully, the marking on the sides signifying the corner of the road are visible although nothing beyond that is. This actually looks like a road to hell. Are we heading into our doom?

© Photo Nishtha Khurana, 2017. All Rights Reserved.