The Women's Day gimmick again

I have time and again said this, written about this and repeated about this. I am not a big fan of the Women's Day, at least not in the shape and form it is celebrated at present.

This day, the International Women's Day, was marked to honour the struggle of the ladies who have fought for and are still fighting for the rights of the women... The right to equality, the right to basic human rights and the right to respect. It is a big blow to the movement that such an important day has been relegated to a marketing gimmick.

We don't need free gifts, discounts and special treatments on this one day. We need right to be able to earn our livings without being dependent on others (no free things), equal treatment in all aspects of life (no discounts) and equal respect all the year round, every day. Unless that happens, please spare me the celebrations.

#BasItniSiBaat – Thappad Movie Review and Why You Need To See This Movie

Last evening, I and my family saw the movie Thappad. Although, there has been a consistent flow of good movies off late, but I would say that Thappad is one of the finest ones which have come out recently. 

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Let’s first get the cliched movie review out of the way so that I can come to what I actually want to say about the movie here. The movie was very relatable as the characters were very normal, flawed and much like people we come across everyday of our lives. The situations and set-ups were all common middle-class people related in any metro city. Tapsee Pannu was brilliant as an educated modern day “housewife-by-choice” and debutant Pavail Gulati as her career-obsessed professional husband was a total natural. Neither of these characters were easy to play and could have easily become stereotypes (positive and negative) but hats off to the director who reins in their brilliant performances without letting the drama become over the top. All supporting characters are acknowledged good actors and they all played their parts perfectly. I especially loved Kumud Mishra’s character as a very supportive father. There are no uncomfortable fights or nasty court battles depicted between the lead couple so even young couples can see the movie together without feeling awkward. Overall the movie holds your attention throughout the two and a half hours runtime despite not being very fast paced. Tears and choking are not ruled out especially when you can relate to the characters at a personal level, which I am sure many people would be able to do, especially women and I hope many men. 

The movie is a must watch but for more reasons than the brilliant performances that I have mentioned above. This actually brings me to what I really want to say about the movie and why I feel everyone – both women and men and even couples together preferably – should see the movie. As per me, the movie subtly and brilliantly highlights the following issues in the society nowadays (in case you don’t want spoilers ahead, please restrict yourself to the titles and feel free to come back and read the list below again after you have watched the movie): 

1. Even one thoughtless act of aggression is Domestic Violence – This needs no explanation as this is what the whole movie is about. Even if you have just watched the trailer, you would know that this is what the movie talks about. Vikram hits his wife Ammu only once, in a fit of rage directed towards someone else and not Ammu. This makes her question her own self-worth and the respect that she is given in the relationship. This is exactly why all the people who had watched Kabir Singh should watch Thappad now to understand why Kabir Singh as a movie was problematic. There is even a direct scathing attack in this movie about Kabir Singh. Vikram’s side-kick says in the movie that if you really love someone “toh thodi bahut maar-peet toh hoti hai, uske bina pyar ka kya matlab hai?” which is exactly what the director of Kabir Singh, Sandeep Reddy Vanga, had said in order to justify the male protagonist’s violent behaviour towards the female protagonist. Even legally, even one single act of aggression whatever the cause and rather even mental torture is counted as Domestic Violence. This aspect is beautifully explained in this movie. It’s just one slap but “nahin maar sakta”.
2. Gaslighting women is just so common in families – There are many instances of gaslighting women depicted in this movie. They are as real as it gets because almost all women have experienced these taunts, every once in a while, in their relationship. While Nethra’s relationship with her husband Rohit is all about gaslighting, there are many other instances shown. The one that stands out is when Tapsee asks Pavail whether she should learn driving, he retorts, “Pehle Paranthe toh theek se banana seekh lo, fir driving ki baat karna.” Ouch! That hurts, isn’t it? 
3. Professional successful women are always looked at suspiciously – One small piece in the movie irked me. It was a scene where Tapsee and Pavail always meet and greet their next-door neighbour Dia Mirza who leaves for work the same time as Pavail. Dia is shown to be a professional (details not known) who is also a single parent after her husband, whom she loved a lot, expired. In this particular scene, Pavail is getting into his car, a grand Audi SUV, while Tapsee is handing over his stuff (wallet, thermos, lunch pack, etc.) to him and at the same time Dia comes out, wishes them good morning and gets into her car, also a similarly grand Audi, and leaves. At that moment, Pavail remarks, “Isne fir nayi car le li? Yeh aisa kya karti hai?” (Oh yeah, I too felt like banging his head to the car bonnet.) That’s when Tapsee replies, “HARD WORK!” But this scenario is just too common isn’t it? If a woman, especially when she is single (but it’s not like married women are spared), is successful, the success is always attributed to factors other than hard work, intelligence, skill, capability, leadership qualities, etc. It’s like men just cannot fathom that a woman can be equally capable and deserving of success like them. 
4. Divorces in India get really messy – This is a known fact even without the movie highlighting it. That is also the reason many women continue to be in unhappy and/or abusive marriages. Even when they try to play fair, the men just try to get into nasty stuff to try to intimidate them and put them down. I have seen enough divorce cases to mention that it would be the case in almost all cases (To be fair, even women use these tactics sometimes on their own and at other times on the assumption that the other side will anyway be stooping down to these levels.) Here too there are allegations of jealousy, money-mindedness, greed, etc. and how to forget the husband tries to gain full custody of his unborn child by offering monetary perks (much like his idea of pacifying his wife’s anger). 
5. Housewives rarely get appreciation for their hard work – Tapsee is shown to be a very efficient housewife whose whole life revolves around her home. Her day starts at 6 am and ends much later than Pavail’s. However, the only thing that Pavail highlights is that she cannot cook well, or as well as his mom. If there is anything not working at home, then it’s his wife’s problem and his wife’s fault. Even when she leaves and his house is turned upside down largely because of his own incompetence to manage and maintain it, he is not ready to appreciate what Tapsee brought to the table as a homemaker. His mom suffers a medical emergency because he cannot keep track of her BP the way Tapsee did and in his petition he blamed Tapsee for the medical situation alleging that it was because of the stress caused by her irrational behaviour that his mom suffered. 
6. Men and apology often don’t go hand-in-hand because their upbringing makes them egoistical – Throughout the movie until the very last scene, Vikram doesn’t apologise to Amrita even once for hitting her. Not a sorry… NOT EVEN ONCE. He is providing all kinds of justification about how he suffered a setback in his career, how his boss played unfair to him, he had received a phone call that had upset him, he was angry, he was drunk, whatever. He is cuddling and saying “I love You” to a visibly upset and unresponsive Amrita, and he is buying a diamond bracelet but never offered an apology. And this is so often the case in many couple relationships that men find it difficult to say sorry for their mistakes. They feel insecure about losing their dominating position by admitting that they made a mistake and a large part of it is because they have grown up to larger than life male figures in their families and previous generation where the impression created is whatever men do is acceptable and correct. 
7. Narcissists always make things about themselves and shift the onus of guilt on the other person – Vikram is clearly a narcissist. Throughout the movie, the whole relationship is about him. How his career is important, how dare his bosses play unfair, how his targets are achieved so it’s a good year. Every single time, Amrita tried to put her point forth, Vikram and his “I, me and myself ramblings” start. And everything wrong happening in his life is because of Amrita. Amrita is responsible for escalating this issue and taking it outside the four walls. Amrita has made his life hell because she is not anymore doing everything, she used to do for him, and he must fend for himself. Amrita is the reason for his mom’s sickness. The list goes on. 
8. When your family has your back, you can fight any battles – I have already mentioned that my favourite character in the movie is Amrita’s father played by Kumud Mishra. It so reminds me how my Mom and Dad stood by me. He doesn’t leave Amrita’s side even for a second. Even if Amrita’s mom may sway under societal pressures for once, he always has her back. Even if every person in the world was telling Amrita to compromise and go back (including her own mom initially, her brother, and her hot-shot lawyer who was also a woman’s rights activist); her father told her that what she is doing is right if her heart says it’s right. The truth is that your in-laws no matter how much they love you; they never will stand up for you. That takes me to Amrita’s monologue of how no one ever told Vikram that he was wrong and that no one ever asked her whether she was okay. It was only her parents who stood behind her like a rock and because of whom she could confidently take a decision to opt for divorce even though she didn’t have a financial independence and foothold at the moment. This trust is the most important thing in the world and believe you me, you can fight any battle with that support. I would know because I have been in the same position as Amrita.

Make-up for kids... Like, really?

It’s wedding season and there’s a thought that has been going on in my head. My sister got married just over a year ago. It was one of the biggest occasions we had in our family in the recent past and the biggest that my daughter, now thirteen years old, has had in her living memory as she was too young to remember my other sister’s wedding. Our preparations as far as she was concerned went only to the extent of deciding dresses and footwear (flats and although she bought her first kitten heels for the D-day, she couldn’t wear it for over half an hour and shifted to flats). There was nothing else that we had to discuss or arrange for her. Our own preparations were more elaborate. It additionally included arranging a make-up artist (MUA) for us. 

Now, that was because it was my own sister’s wedding. Otherwise, I am the kind of woman who never opts for professional make-up or hairstyling on any other occasion – be it any close wedding or any random party. Money factor is not even a consideration because I simply do not have the time, energy and inclination to go to a professional to get ready. Similarly, the only time my daughter had her hair done by a professional was during my sister’s wedding and that too only braids (due to the fact that I myself am totally pathetic with those) sans any spray or serum. I just wouldn’t let the MUA use any chemicals on her hair. That is all the exposure my daughter has had to professional make-up till date. 

But when I go to weddings nowadays, I am surprised to note that my daughter is usually the odd one out in kids. Kids as young as 2 or 3 year olds there are running around with hairstyles made by professional MUAs and often with make-ups like eye-shadows and lip-colours. My niece got married about 10 days back and I couldn’t see a single child on her own feet, no matter how old, not made-up. And I kind of find it sad because all said and done, these cosmetics not only harm their gentle skins but otherwise as well we are tuning the minds of our girls to fake standards of beauty as well as vanity. This in my eyes is a bigger sin than even ruining their complexions. 

This had been on my mind for a few days until yesterday when I was just whiling away my time by surfing through flash news from Entertainment Industry. I came across Vogue Magazine articles sharing pics of all celebrities who attended Armaan Jain - Anissa Malhotra wedding – the “who wore what” kind of news articles. I was mindlessly just skimming through without even focussing on any celebrity or least of all on the names of all the famous designers whose clothes they wore. That was until I came across pics of Karisma Kapoor with her daughter. What caught my eye was Samiera Kapoor, aged 14, a young girl belonging to one of the most fashion-conscious families in India was totally sans any make-up and hadn’t even got her hair done. A teenager belonging to a family of actors, who herself is most likely to become an actor someday, was wearing designer dresses but no cosmetics. I was like “Wow! This is so unexpected.” Indeed, this was a surprisingly unanticipated but still a refreshing change for me. The same was the case with Aaradhya Bachchan, the daughter of Abhishek and Aishwarya Bachchan, but then the argument in her favour is that she is only 8 years old. But even in her case, she is an example to be emulated by the parents of the 2 year olds with fancy buns and red lips running around wearing diapers under their lehengas at sundry weddings. 

I hope parents of little girls make note and follow suit. We are in an age where we want to teach our girls (and even boys) that their physical attributes should not determine their worth and that they are beautiful just as they are. But then we cannot preach what we don’t practice.

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Kabir Singh is no hero!

I find it appalling that in today's times and era, movies like Kabir Singh / Arjun Reddy are being made and appreciated. After all the signs of progress the movie industry shows with movies like Pink, Piku, Queen, etc., movies like Kabir Singh push the carousel eons backwards.

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To be honest, I haven't seen the movie. The trailer itself was repulsive. Let's be clear, Kabir Singh is no hero and shouldn't exist in real life. He is sexist, patriarchal and misogynistic. The movie glorifies eve-teasing, stalking, abusing women, and let me add, it promotes toxic masculinity and the portrayal of psychopathic manliness. This is so not acceptable!

They say that the movie is about a "flawed character" and Shahid Kapoor has played it to perfection. Now, Shahid has played flawed characters before - Kaminey, Haider, Udta Punjab - but they were essentially that, flawed characters. Unlike Kabir Singh, their flaws were not glorified in the name of "intense love". Do we realize how many teenagers and youngsters are fooled by the idea of "intense love" as depicted in the movies? Do we realize how many "flawed characters" with "intense love" are in the making right now inspired by the movie knowing that it is a big hit with youngsters? Shouldn't it worry us about the safety and sanity of the girls and other people in general who might be around such people right now?

It's time these movies suffer failure so that lessons are taught to people who promote hazardous patriarchy in the name of cinematic liberty. The movie reviews are raving about Shahid and his performance and women are drooling over him just as the movie is inching towards various box office milestones. And I am irritated with the reactions, especially those of women. How can they go all ga-ga over something that degrades their very existence?

The Fascinating Sculptures of Prague

Every time I visit Prague, I end up visiting the same old places like Old Town Square, the Castle District etc. This time I had just one day to spend and I decided to do it differently. I went about seeking and reading about some of the peculiar and interesting sculptures the city is famous for: 

1. Dancing head statue or Statue of Franz Kafka by David Černý - The 42 mobile tiers of this eleven-metre-tall sculpture align to form the face of the famous Czech writer Franz Kafka. This 39-ton bust by artist David Černý is one of his recent works. 

2. Man hanging out by David Černý - This sculpture, found in Prague’s Old Town, is easily missed if you’re not looking up. It depicts the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud hanging by one hand on the top of a building, seemingly pondering whether to hold on or to let go. It is said that during his life, he suffered from a number of phobias, including the fear of his own death. 

3. Statue of Franz Kafka by Jaroslav Róna - This surrealistic sculpture depicts a mini Kafka riding on the shoulders of a giant, empty suit. The image was inspired by the writer’s short story ‘Description of a Struggle’ (1912), in which the narrator explores a fantasy landscape from the shoulders of “an acquaintance”. 

4. Iron Man by Ladislav Šaloun - This statue has a story. This faceless knight is said to have killed his lover in a fit of rage. The knight was turned to stone as punishment. He can be freed by the love of a pure-hearted woman but only once every 100 years on the anniversary of the murder. The exact date, alas, has been lost to history. 

5. Memorial to victims of communism by Olbram Zoubek - This harrowing series of bronze statues portrays seven broken, decaying men descending a flight of stairs commemorate the victims of Communism in the Czech Republic. 

6. Crawling babies by David Černý - You can spot these larger-than-life babies in two locations around Prague: at the Zizkov Tower and in Kampa Park. These creepy-looking babies are a symbol of the Communist era and how the totalitarian rule stifled their ability to reach adulthood. 

7. Piss statue by David Černý - Just in front of the Kafka Museum is situated a fountain titled Piss. The basin of the fountain is made out of bronze, and it is formed in the shape of the Czech Republic. Two men are standing on opposite ends, and they appear to be peeing onto the country. Visitors can even send an SMS to the fountain, and the men will write the message into the water. 

8. Statue of St John of Nepomuk - This statue is one of the 30 sculptures mounted to the balustrade of the Charles Bridge. The statue represents the court priest of King Wenceslas IV, who supposedly died after being thrown off the bridge in 1383. Legend has it that the king had him killed because St John refused to reveal the secret confessions of the queen. Touching the statue is supposed to bring good luck and ensure that visitors return to Prague soon. 

9. Il Commendatore by Anna Chromý - Outside the Estates Theater, where Mozart conducted the 1787 premiere of his opera Don Giovanni, there is a heavy shroud around an empty space. This figure represents the opera’s character Il Commendatore, who appears as a ghost. 

10. Czech Musicians by Anna Chromý - This is by far my favourite. It has four bronze figures dancing around a fountain. All are blindfolded, and each plays a different instrument. They represent four major rivers of the world: the Ganges, the Amazon, the Danube and the Mississippi. The dancers are so expertly captured that it is hard to not be enchanted by their fluidity and expression – it’s almost as if you can hear their music being played. 

 

And then I include some bonus sculptures which may not be as relevant as the above mentioned, but which I stumbled upon and found very fascinating as well. 

11. This lady stood at the back side of the Church of Our Lady before Týn 

12. This statue I found perched on the corner of a random building 

13. Statue of King Charles IV at the entrance to the Charles Bridge

© Nishtha Khurana, 2019. All rights reserved. The text as well as the pictures are both subject to copyright and are the property of the author. Please do not copy or reproduce without permission.

Re-invention is all about intention!

Just few days back I was in a training where we were discussing about reinventing yourself. The speaker was the CEO of a Russian Bank and he was discussing how thrice over the company had seen political and financial crisis in their country and how every time they had re-invented themselves according to the situation and emerged stronger.

One of the questions he was asked was "What if it is not possible to re-invent yourself?" He smiled and said, "It is always possible if you want to. It's not a question about possibility but about intention. If you have the intention, you will find a way." And then he gave a perfect example of re-invention where very few people would think possible - Cirque du Soliel. The example of Cirque du Soliel really caught me and it has since been spinning in my head.

After all, how much can a circus hope to re-invent itself? What's the scope? And yet they did it... Not a single animal is there any more in any of their shows. But, it's still a beautiful display of skills... And it's grand and bigger then ever before; almost equivalent to a Broadway show. With the ticket prices touching the sky, they barely do a show that's not sold out. Now that is re-invention. It really is a question of intent.

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Women's Day