Every child is gifted...

Today is the time of cut-throat competition. We see people at work-places trying to be one-up that their colleagues at all times. However, I feel that people don't try to be as competitive in the workplace as they are in their parenting. It's a rat-race out there actually and everyone is trying to prove to an invisible someone that they are the best parent in the world. No-one is immune and somewhere or the other in varied degrees we are all in the same boat including me.

In fact, success at work even gives more gas to this phenomenon. This may probably be for the following reasons: (1) Working parents try to overcome their guilt conscience by demonstrating that they are actually working so hard and being so career minded so that they can bring up their children better, provide them with better facilities and give them all that they ask for. They want their kids to be the most accomplished of the lot. (Whenever I hear the term 'accomplished', I am reminded of the 18th century writings by Jane Austen whereby the women who drew, knitted, read books, played the piano and did 2 or 3 other things were considered highly accomplished.) (2) People have found a new way to show-off their "improved standard of living" when they brag about their kids going to high-end costly schools and 3-4 extra-curricular activities outside school hours. They want to tell the world, "listen... I can afford to give my kids this luxury." They hear other parents talk about their kids learning contemporary dance and tennis and swimming; then how could their child be far behind?

In the end, we are all moulding our kids in 1 generic pre-defined mould without giving them the space to grow on their own and the way they want. We compare the kids with their peers. We tell them that your so-and-so classmate can draw so beautifully, why don't you practice a little more. "Look at him, how well she writes. You need to brush up your creative writing skills. Let me see if there are some classes available." And it goes on and on. We all want our kids to be exemplary orators, comfortable and confident on stage and beyond. We want them to be best calligraphers and great thinkers all of them the next Salman Rushdie or Arundhati Roy in the making. We want them all excelling in dramatics, dance, instrumental music, martial arts, sports, and this and that and everything. We ourselves are not able to decide what we want our kids to be and we certainly do not give our kids the leverage to decide for themselves what they want to do and what they do not want to do. We talk about peer pressure on kids when we hear our kids say "Mom, my friend is learning this and I also want to do it." But, we forget that we only have developed this psychology in our kids where they look around and see others by comparing our kids to others.

What we don't focus on is that every child has his or her capabilities. And why only capabilities? They all have their own interests. A child may be really good at sports but his/her interest may lie in literature. But, then we will tell them, "no, sports is very important and you should focus there instead of reading these stupid fiction". Traditionally also, people have always forced kids to study and get good grades trying to fill in their minds with fears like "not everyone can become a Sachin Tendulkar. A cricket team has only 11 players and all the rest find it difficult to run their homes if they opt for sports over studies. So, focus on studies and make a decent career as a doctor, engineer or an accountant." We focus on what is a better option by looking at what pays and not what the child wants. And since every parent is thinking like that, it becomes a herd mentality and everyone starts focussing on the same stuff. The stuff that brings bucks.

We forget that any person will thrive and bloom best in something that they enjoy doing and not in something that gets them more money. The thrill of getting a fat pay cheque in your account is short-lived but the daily excitement and enthusiasm of doing something that you love doing is priceless and forever. Shouldn't we let our kids enjoy the sunshine and try every experience that they want to. Let them choose what they want to do and encourage and nurture their interests widely. How does it matter if the neighbour's daughter is learning salsa as well as instrumental music? If my daughter just wants to take her cycle out in the garden in the evenings and that gives her happiness, why should we insist in taking up an activity. If my son doesn't enjoy colouring and drawing, why should I insist in him practicing more just because he got a grade lower than most kids in his class. Maybe he got a good grade in another subject which another child might not enjoy as much. Or even if my child did not get a top grade in any activity, does that mean that my child is not capable of anything? Why should grades and levels decide a child's capability?

I look back at my life and I notice that I wasn't a top student in junior school. I struggled with Maths and languages. But later, I became a top scorer in both with almost 100% scores in Maths. Later in life, say in high school, I developed a flair for art and writing. I was good at painting and wrote good poetry and small articles. But, over the years, again my interests changed again and I took on to reading and blogging. Similarly, I believe every child has interests which are developed later and / or which keep changing. Let me call them their gifts which they are lying there untouched. They reach out to them when they feel like and then they cannot be prevented from opening it.

So, to conclude, we as parents need not fret over what our kids are not doing but other kids are doing and we should always remember that: Every child is gifted. They just unwrap their packages at different times.