A petty conversation with a mother of one of my daughter's friends got me thinking. Yesterday when I showed up unexpectedly directly from office at my daughter's class, one of the mothers waiting there looked at my saree and said, "Wow! You're wearing a saree! I love to wear a saree too but I don't wear it much. It's only what my husband and sometimes my kids like that I wear." Jolted slightly, I did not make much of her statement. But the conversation led on and I found out that the lady per se cannot just wear whatever she likes but she also cannot have a haircut whenever she likes and first needs permission from her husband and her father to get one done because they don't like short hair. Once the hairdresser had cut the hair short without her noticing it and she ended up tying her hair up in a bun for two months in the fear that they would notice and only started opening it or tying it in a ponytail when they regained the length.
I am not talking about some woman from an orthodox family. The lady in question is a Master's in Engineering who is not working out of choice because she and her family prefers that she's there in person for her two kids. Her husband is a very educated Management graduate from India's elite and most reputed institute working at a very senior position in finance of a famous MNC company. They are living in a posh 4-bedroom apartment in Gurgaon, driving sedans, dining in fine dining restaurants and generally considered a very well-off family. And they are genuinely nice people, usually liberal minded, very sensible and educated. The husband in question is not some mean selfish man but rather a nice gentleman very caring towards his family and the couple has a very happy marriage otherwise. But this is still the norm and the culture in the family never questioned by anyone, maybe even unconsciously.
Then later at night, I was having a chat with my mother generally where all my peers from my earlier days were. And there were at least two cases - and a few more which I could think of later as well - where I reflected that both the husband and wife started together, had a love marriage and while the husbands enjoy very high-ranking professional positions today, the wives are at best at middle-management positions if at all not ending up as home-makers. And for all I know it might be by choice even. The ladies had kids, took breaks, sometimes more than once, did part-time works or work from homes juggling both responsibilities and did not progress much in their careers. They may or may not regret that. The husbands may or may not be responsible or guilty for halting their wives' careers. But such is the story of many a working ladies. But what is surprising is that never to any of these people did it even once occur that the husband takes a break to look after the kids while the mom resumes her career full time. And again, most of them are very educated people and the men are nice caring husbands and very loving fathers. But such is the norm of the society and nobody ever questioned it.
And both these episodes got me thinking, that we are always talking about feminism and eventually uplifting women by letting them study and work in professional areas. We are always making big claims about how women are shattering all perceptions about their position in the society and breaking all barriers. But are they really doing it? Is there still some part of their traditional / orthodox role that is taken for granted even by the educated, liberal-minded, modern people and even by the women themselves? Why am I reminded of Farhan Akhtar's hard-hitting dialogue about women empowerment in "Dil dhadakne do"? Rahul Bose was not shown as a bad husband in the movie but just that despite his view of himself as a very adjusting and liberal husband, he had never really questioned his control over his wife and why there should be any. Most film reviews I had read had branded that particular sequence as unnecessary and simply cashing on a widespread social topic popular nowadays. But honestly, I think that was not just my favourite dialogue from the movie but a very relevant one not just in the movie but in the society in general.
(You can see the "Dil dhadakne do" sequence here)
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