May the year ahead be the year for you

The ‘Girlie’ stuff...

I read nowadays how the girls worldwide are going crazy over the ‘Vampire’ Edward Cullen from the ‘Twilight’ series. There even was an article in the press sometime back that was trying to analyze “why the craze?” with some psychiatrists saying that the “girls love the idea of romancing the impossible. They fantasize about love stories triumphing over grave dangers and being in a fatal love gives them the thrill.” Hence, the craze for Edward Cullen – what could be more dangerous than being the love interest of a vampire which feeds over blood of young girls but could not bring himself up to doing the same in their case as he is madly in love with them?


While reading the article, I wondered whether I was like that. Well, may be and maybe not. I was never really crazy about vampires, superheroes, wizards, etc. But, then I just loved Jason Bourne and his love story with Marie floored me. Would that not qualify for similar circumstances and explanation? I guess it would.


I have grown up studying my entire first half of life in a girl’s school and since the girls are quite vocal about their likes and dislikes in such an environment, every day I came across stuff that was typically ‘Girlie’. Sometimes I wondered why the girls around me were crazy about a certain thing and what a big deal it was about. It was as if most of the teenage girls had all the same characteristics and though I did share some of them, I certainly did not have most of those traits. I always thought I was different from most girls. But, then again I have, more often than not, taken pride in being different from most girls anyway, especially during my teens.


How about listing the ‘Girlie’ traits here? Well, here they go...

• Reading Mills and Boons at weird hours of the night...
• The unending dieting and even unending cribbing about it...
• Being unable to resist chocolates and eating whole bars and boxes (even if they later grumble about foregoing their diet)...
• Gossiping on phone for hours and telling their parents that they were discussing school homework...
• Studying in groups even if half the time is used in bitching about other girls and teachers...
• Finding every other guy they came across as “hot” and changing their viewpoint as and when the guys changed their dresses...
• Making special preparations for Valentine’s Day even if they did not have a boyfriend (and all the while dreaming about one)...
• Celebrating every single day mentioned in the Archies Calendar, Valentine’s Day, Rose Day, Chocolates Day, Hug Day, Friendship Day (the list is endless)...
• Going crazy over a new Bollywood star every Friday (I guess there are always at least 10 Bollywood stars – I say ‘stars’ and not ‘actors’ – who are referred to as ‘Heartthrobs’ at any point of time)...
• Fantasizing about a “knight in shining armour” though half the girls wouldn’t even know what a ‘shining armour’ looks like and instead describe a ‘chariot’ when asked to explain...
• Being a Rhett Butler and the “Chocolate cream soldier” fan (this one is for girls who have actually read “Gone with the Wind” and “Arms and the man”)...
• The fascination with the colour Pink and furnishing their entire room with everything in bright fuschia pink...
• The adorning of the title “Princess” (even if they are just self-proclaimed ones)...
• Dreaming about owning the prettiest Evening Gown ever along with the prettiest and costliest diamond necklace ever (in the days of ‘Titanic’, the “Heart of the Ocean” adorned by Kate Winslet and Celine Dion was every girl’s dream)...
• Owning a fancy and slick ‘pink’ diary even if it’s only used for putting in dried roses or, even worse, writing telephone nos. (I guess telephone diaries should not be applicable anymore with the girls getting their hands on stylish mobile handsets nowadays)...
• Decorating everything they own with ‘girlish’ accessories e.g. beady hangers on mobiles, satin mobile covers, Smilies and Barbie broaches on bags and purses, studded Key-chains on zippers of their trendy bags and purses, etc....
• Sleeping with Teddy Bears and filling their beds and rooms with stuff toys (and letting their mums assume the tedious tasks of washing and keeping their stuff toys clean)...
• Owning the tightest jeans possible assuming that the same will make them appear slimmer (even if that hinders them from moving and sitting)...
• Shelling all their pocket money on fairness crèmes, sunscreens and perfumes and applying them all over after every other hour...
• Wishing for a rich and famous guy as their boyfriend who is absolutely crazy about them and would go to any length to prove his love – someone who drives them around in swanky new cars; gives them red roses and costly gifts everyday; and would make all their girlfriends jealous of them...
• Crying their heart out over Eric Seagal’s Love Story even if they are reading them for the nth time (and complaining that Seagal’s Oliver’s Story did not match up to the standards)...
• Cooing to every small baby they come across and trying to pick them up and cuddle them even if that irritates the baby who sees them as complete strangers...
• Complaining about all the guys watching them everywhere they go even if they enjoy every bit of the attention...
• Telling all their friends that they would love to have a boyfriend who is “tall, dark and handsome” and yet always swooning over fair skinned guys...
• Dressing in trendiest (backless, halter-necks, etc.) outfits on all weddings and refusing to take a shawl or a sweater even if its freezing cold and the celebrations are in an outdoor location...


P.S. I hope the list is worthy of a good laugh – or at least a giggle – both for girls and boys. As already written above, I was not crazy about most of the stuff. Nevertheless, some characteristics I did share. Please let me suffice by admitting this much without having to answer which ones really.

Daughters

When God created daughters

He took very special care.

He gave them smiles of angels
and took a bit of stardust
to make bright and twinkling eyes.

He fashioned them from sugar

He gave them a sunny laughter

And everything that is nice.

He smiled when he made daughters
Because he knew, he had
Created love & happiness
For every mum & dad.


Source: From a beautiful wedding invitation from the bride’s parents.

A Christmas Wish for you!!

The Reinvention of Amitabh Bachchhan: the endearing ‘Paa’

Last weekend I saw one of the most heart-warming movies in the recent times: the enchanting yet entertaining ‘Paa’. I chose it over ‘Rocket Singh – Salesman of the year’ so that my three-year old daughter can connect with it thereby making our movie-going experience pleasurable. Off late, my movie-going experiences have been increasingly classified with endless trips to washroom or purchases of Popcorn and Coke – my daughter’s ways of getting my attention. But, as I hoped, ‘Paa’ was different; and not only because my daughter didn’t need to go to the washroom so often. She laughed with Auro, danced the monkey dance and even felt sad and worried for him every time he was shown hospitalised.

Then again, it would be wrong to say that ‘Paa’ is a movie for the kids. It is most assuredly for people of all ages. For who would not enjoy the antics of the ailing yet full of life Auro. Auro touches your heart right from his introduction scene. It is truly an amazing performance from the biggest living legend of Indian Cinema, the one and only Amitabh Bachchhan. As Auro, he monkey dances his way in the hearts of the people just as smoothly as he glides in the ranks of actors essaying most challenging roles and yet excelling. The others in this rank may be both seasoned actors with born acting instincts (like Anupam Kher in Saraansh and Sansar, Sridevi in Sadma, Anil Kapoor in Eeshwar, Meenakshi Sheshadri in Damini, Om Puri in Ardh Satya and Kamal Haasan in Appu Raja and Hey Ram) and new age actors with practiced perfection (like Hrithik Roshan in Koi Mil Gaya and Lakshya, Rani Mukerjee in Black, Aamir Khan in Ghajini, Manoj Bajpai in Satya, Preity Zinta in Kya Kehna, Sangharsh and Kal ho na ho and Vidya Balan in Parineeta); yet, it would not be an exaggeration to say that Mr. Bachchhan towers over most of them.

‘Paa’ is truly a re-invention of Amitabh Bachchhan. His performance is mind-blowing. A lot has been written, said and discussed about his difficult make-up which turns him from a 67 yr old man to 12 yr kid suffering from ‘Progeria’. However, that very make-up could have marred his performance as it restricts in emoting on screen. The lack of facial expression was more than made up by the very appropriate body language, the lisping speech through skewed teeth and the acquisition of mannerisms befitting a 12 yr old. One does wonder though why a 12 yr old is mouthing dialogues more suitable for a 7 or 8 yr old (some fascination for ‘potty’). ‘Paa’ would have turned out to be an average fare with no fascinating storyline had it not been for Amitabh Bachchhan.

This is not only a career best performance from Mr. Bachchhan, it is also going to be his most revered and remembered performance. Surprisingly, his face doesn’t even once come to your mind as long as Auro is there on the screen. This is worth a mention that Amitabh Bachchhan proves that his presence can be so entertaining in his virtual absence.

Last heard, Amitabh and Abhishek Bachchhan are likely to enter ‘Guinness World Records’ as the first father duo to appear in a movie in role reversal performances. Now, that’s some achievement as well. Bravo!

Ten signs that your boss sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most people have some complaints about their manager, but how can you tell when your boss is a truly bad one?

1. The knot you get in your gut whenever you have to deal with him. You never know which person is going to show up — the nice, benevolent manager or the insane, angry hophead.
2. The feeling you get when you have to get dressed every morning. You know, the sensation that life wasn’t meant to be like this, that nobody knows what the day ahead will hold — and not in a good way, either.
3. He’s either absent — or omnipresent. On days when he is supposed to be there, leading the way, guiding his people with a firm and gentle hand, he is nowhere to be found. Yet on days when everybody is executing the plan with distinction, there he is, standing in the middle of everything, gumming up the works, micro-managing, driving everybody crazy.
4. His word cannot be trusted. He lies when it suits him, and worst of all, he believes his lies once they are uttered.
5. He is never wrong. Sometimes he may be “misinformed,” or “misled by others,” but he is never, ever, wrong. Those who think he might be in error had better keep that opinion to themselves.
6. All credit goes to him. All blame goes to others.
7. His only loyalty is to himself. More times than you can count, you have seen him sell people down the river who used to be his favourites. If there is trouble, he’s the first one to throw his colleagues and subordinates overboard into the shark-infested waters. Strangely, he is also the first person to question other people’s loyalty.
8. Work hours are hard to predict. There are long stretches of unmanaged, vague, pointless activity or inactivity, followed by short bursts of frenzy. Weekends are not safe. Vacations are not honoured. Your time is not your own.
9. His door is closed most of the time. Particularly after lunch.
10. He’s the main topic of conversation. Wherever co-workers gather, all they talk about is what an annoying, hurtful, scary, irrational nutbag the boss is. And when a bad boss goes, he dies un-mourned — except perhaps by the one person at the office who did his bidding.

Life's Lesson

I learn, as the years roll onward
And I leave the past behind,
That much I had counted sorrow
But proved that God is kind;
That many a flower I'd longed for
Had hidden a thorn of pain
And many a rugged bypath
Led to the fields of ripened grain.
The clouds that cover the sunshine;
They cannot banish the sun,
And the earth shines out the brighter
When the weary rain is done.
We must stand in the deepest shadow
To see the clearest light;
And often through wrong's own darkness
Comes the welcome strength of Right.


- Anonymous

Faith (Nishtha)

You know you are a thomasite when...

I came across this post on the Facebook STS group page. Oh!! It brought back so many memories. It's hard to believe that this part of my life is already a decade past.


You know you are a thomasite when...


1. The words "outside assembly" sound as a nightmare to you.

2. You do not leave any chance to complain about how bad the senior-school canteen is and how lovable raffle was.

3. You have a feeling that lab assistants are the funniest people on earth.

4. You love to criticize the school cabinet.

5. You believe that "co-ed schools are more fun" is just a myth.

6. You think the Christmas party at sts is the most rocking party of the year.

7. You have been to lodhi garden at least 3-4 times on a school picnic.

8. You are amazed at seeing "any" schools infrastructure for the obvious reasons.

9. You have at least once been corrected by your school principle regarding the pronunciation of some word.

10. I bet you cant sing the school-song without the hymn book.

11. Most of the jokes you crack are aimed at your teachers.

12. A pt teacher is stereotypically associated with a bald head n protruding stomach.

13. Imitation and mimicry of teachers is your favorite pass time.

14. You are always asking for credit facility from the canteen manager, ice cream vendor and lala off course.

15. You like to spend most of you money on buying churans, chatmola nd stuff from lala than the real food.

16. You have atleast been to "pappu ki daukan" once after school.

17. You have a firm belief that all that the school authority decides to do is unfair to the students.

18. You go to the the senior-section, estate supervisor's room and the sick room, time and again to check yourself out in the mirror.

19. You believe everyone who wears a high-waist skirt is a nerd.

20. You are violently sensitive about the correct pronunciation of "Thomas" with "T" than the "TH".

The Obedient Wife...

There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.


Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there – dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said:

“Wait just a moment!”

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, “Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a Cheque… If he can cash it, then he can spend it.”

P.S. Another good one from the internet.

Police Emergency...

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.


He immediately phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.”

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

P.S. Read it on the net. I think it's a good one.

Magical Nature Alphabet - Baby / Children's educational video

This is a really good video I came across on youtube. It helps the children learn the alphabet all the while growing closer to the nature.

Magical Nature Alphabet - Baby / Children's educational video

Born Poor, now Self-made Billionaires

From the Rediff Business Desk in Mumbai:

Meet the inspiring people who struggled against all odds to make it big. They turned adversities into advantages. From being without food, to taking up all kinds of odd jobs, they have proved that nothing is impossible! Their success stories reflect passion, hard work and excellence.

"I have had all of the disadvantages required for success."


Larry Ellison

He was adopted by a middle class family in Chicago nine months after he was born to an unwed Jewish lady. Larry Ellison, co-founder and CEO of Oracle Corporation was a bright student, showed a good aptitude for maths and science. But he left the University of Illinois at the end of his second year, after his mother died.

He later studied computer designing. He moved to California where he did several odd jobs for about 8 years. Finally, as a programmer at Ampex, he participated in building the first IBM-compatible mainframe system. In 1977, Ellison and two of his Ampex colleagues, Robert Miner and Ed Oates, founded their own company, Software Development Labs with just $1400 from his savings. The company was later renamed Oracle Corporation.

He is currently listed on the Forbes list of billionaires as the fourth richest person in the world. Ellison is the third richest American, with an estimated net worth of $27 billion as of September 2009. The 65-year old Ellison known for his extravagant lifestyle, races sailboats and flies planes.

Ed Liddy

Ed Liddy, former chief executive officer of American International Group (AIG) had to face lot of hardships before he rose to great heights. Ed Liddy's father died when he was just 12 years old. According to a Business Week report, he had a poverty-stricken childhood.

Liddy graduated from Catholic University of America in 1968 and received a master's degree in business administration from George Washington University in 1972. He worked with Ford Motor before joining G D Searle & Co in 1981.

The 63-year old Liddy earned about $130 million during his eight-year tenure at Allstate. In the wake of the financial crisis, Ed Liddy came to rescue the ailing AIG, worked for a salary of $1. But the act turned disastrous when the company handed out employee bonuses totally $165 million after it had accepted $170 billion in government bailout funds.

This forced him to quit AIG.

"China traditionally has been a tea-drinking country but we turned them into coffee drinkers."


Howard Schultz

A successful entrepreneur, 56-year old Howard Schultz, chairman and CEO Starbucks in his younger days was determined to win the battle over poverty. He became the first person to graduate in his family.

Schultz's inspiring journey started when he went to Seattle to check out a popular coffee bean store called Starbucks, which was buying many of the Hammarplast Swedish drip coffeemakers he sold. He finally joined the company and was promoted as head of marketing and operations in 1982.

But he parted ways as the owners refused to accept his plans of offering coffee in stores or diversifying into restaurants. Schultz went ahead and started his own coffee-bar business, called Il Giornale.

Interestingly, a year later, Schultz bought Starbucks for $3.8 million. As CEO of Starbucks in 2008, Schultz earned a total compensation of $9,740,471, which included a base salary of $1,190,000.

Ursula Burns

Ursula M. Burns became the first black lady to become the CEO of a Fortune 500 company in July 2009. The 51-year-old Burns started her career as an engineering intern in 1980.

Burns led several business teams including the office color and fax business and office network printing business. In April 2007, Burns was named president of Xerox, expanding her leadership to include the company's IT organisation, corporate strategy, human resources, corporate marketing and global accounts.

Burns ranked 10th in the Fortune list of '50 Most Powerful Women in America'. Her salary package for 2008 stood at $887,500, but total compensation stood at a whopping $6,003,126.

In an interview with the New York Times, she described growing up poor with "lots of Jewish immigrants, fewer Hispanics and African-Americans, but the great equalizer was poverty." Burns' mother used to run a home day care centre.


Lloyd Blankfein

Son of a clerk, the 55-year old Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs is today one of the richest executives in the world. Blankfein started his career as a corporate tax lawyer for the law firm Donovan, Leisure, Newton Irvine.

In 1981, he joined Goldman's commodities trading arm, J Aron, as a precious metals salesman in their London office.

Blankfein hit the headlines recently when he apologized for Goldman's role in the financial crisis, saying that the bank "participated in things that were clearly wrong and have reason to regret."

Lloyd's total compensation in the last fiscal stood at $25.84 million.



Frank Stronach

Billionaire Frank Stronach who owns Magna International, a global automotive company belonged to a poor family. He moved to Canada from Austria in 1954 with about $40 with a working knowledge of tool and machine engineering.

In 1957 he formed a tool and die company, Multimatic Investments Limited, which subsequently expanded into the production of automotive components. In 1969, Multimatic Investments Limited merged with Magna Electronics Corporation Limited, and subsequently became Magna International Inc.

In 1971 Stronach introduced his management philosophy, known as Fair Enterprise, to Magna. Fair Enterprise is based on a business Charter of Rights that predetermines the annual percentage of profits shared between employees, management, investors and society, and makes every employee a shareholder in Magna.

Magna International is today a global automotive empire with 326 manufacturing plants, engineering centres and sales offices across North America, South America, Asia and Europe that employ about 82,000 people. The 77-year old Stronach's net worth is $661 million.

"The two most powerful things in existence: a kind word and a thoughtful gesture."


Ken Langone

Ken Langone is a venture capitalist, an investment banker and co-founder of Home Depot, one of the most successful companies in the Fortune 500. His father was a plumber and his mother worked in a cafeteria. His parents had to mortgage their house to send Langone to Bucknell University in Pennsylvania.

An ambitious and optimistic Langone worked as a ditch digger and a butcher's assistant to make money while studying. After graduating, Langone found a job in the investment department of Equitable Life Assurance company, where he worked full time while attending night classes four nights a week at the New York University School of Business.

He got his MBA from NYU in 1960. Today, the New York University sponsors a night school program called the Langone Program in the Leonard Stern School of Business with a curriculum that includes Ken Langone's business model.

The 73-year old Ken Langone believes in business relations based on integrity and ability. As an investment banker and entrepreneur, his business record highlights the values of persistence and sound business principles. His total compensation as director of Home Depot in 2008 stood at $1,136,219.00.

"Why do I need succession planning? I'm very alert, I'm very vibrant. I have no intention to retire."


Sheldon Adelson

Sheldon Adelson started working at a young age selling newspapers. He then took up roles as a mortgage broker, investment adviser and financial consultant.

The 76-year old Adelson is the chairman and chief executive officer of the Las Vegas Sands Corp, the parent company of Venetian Macao Limited which operates The Venetian Resort Hotel Casino and the Sands Expo and Convention Center.

Sheldon Gary Adelson started a business selling toiletry kits, and in the 1960s he started a chartered tour business with two friends. He went to the City College of New York but did not complete his graduation.

Adelson's estimated wealth was of $26.5 billion, making him the third richest person in the United States according to Forbes for both 2007 and 2008. In the 2009 list, his ranking dropped to 178 with a net worth of $3.4 billion.


Ken Lewis

The high profile chairman of Bank of America, Ken Lewis worked his way through Georgia State University as an accountant and an airline ticket-agent, graduating with a finance degree in 1969. He worked as a credit analyst at North Carolina National Bank.

The bank was eventually taken over by Bank of America. He became Bank of America's chief operating officer in 1999 and chairman in 2005.

In April, the Bank of America shareholders voted to separate the positions of Chairman of the Board and CEO, effectively removing CEO 61-year old Lewis from his position as Chairman of the Board of BofA, though he remained both the bank's president and it’s CEO due to the shareholders' resentment over the takeover of Merril Lynch for $50 billion.

Lewis has announced his retirement from Bank of America effective as of December 31, 2009. The Securities and Exchange Commission and New York's Attorney General are investigating whether Lewis misled Bank of America shareholders before the Merrill Lynch acquisition.

Merrill has paid out billions in bonuses to its staff that were allegedly not fully disclosed. His annual compensation in 2008 fiscal year stood at $1,500,000.


"When you're a self-made man you start very early in life. In my case it was at nine years old when I started bringing income into the family. You get a drive that's a little different, maybe a little stronger, than somebody who inherited."


Kirk Kerkorian

Billionaire Kerkorian owns Tracinda Corporation. He is also known as one of the key figures in shaping the city of Las Vegas. Kerkorian, however likes to keep a low profile.

His charitable foundation has granted more than $200 million but has not allowed anything to bear his name. His father was an illiterate immigrant. But Kerkorian had made up his mind to make it big. However, he was expelled from Foshay Junior High for fighting. He joined another school but dropped out in the eighth grade.

He worked hard, taking up many odd jobs to help his poor parents. He became an amateur boxer under the tutelage of his older brother Nish, a boxer. At 17, he joined the Civilian Conservation Corps. When he was 25 he joined the Morton Air Academy where he rose to the rank of a lieutenant and became an army flight instructor.

During World War II Kirk flew daredevil missions across the Atlantic for the Royal Air Force. He then started a plane charter service. He took it public in 1965. In 1968 he sold out to the TransAmerica Corporation. Kerkorian got about $85 million worth of stock in the TransAmerica conglomerate.

In 1973 he acquired MGM, the famous movie studio, and opened the MGM Grand Hotel, which was the largest hotel in the world at that time. In 1992 Kerkorian started MGM Grand Air, a super luxury airline that only flew LA-NY flights. But he had to close down in 1994. The 91-year old Kerkorian with a net worth $5 billion is the world's 98th richest person.

Angelo R Mozilo

Angelo R Mozilo was the co-founder and chief executive officer of Countrywide Financial until July 1, 2008. The 70-year old Mozilo started the company in 1969.

The company soon grew to become one of the biggest mortgage lenders in the US. Countrywide was listed on the New York Stock Exchange in 1984. They granted huge loans to borrowers without verifying their repayment abilities.

Promoting risky loans, the company played a crucial role in huge subprime mortgage crisis. Finally, this led to the collapse of the company. The company was subsequently taken over by the Bank of America. CNN named Mozilo as one of the 'Ten Most Wanted: Culprits' of the 2008 financial collapse in the United States.

The Securities and Exchange Commission in June filed civil-fraud charges for 'deliberately misleading investors about the significant credit risks being taken in efforts to build and maintain the company's market share.'

Mozilo's compensation during the housing bubble from 2001-06 is under scrutiny. During that period, his total compensation (including salary, bonuses, options and restricted stock) was $470 million.

A butcher's son, Angelo Mozilo worked hard right from his childhood to make ends meet.

Accepting your child's mistakes

One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children’s mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don’t find too many mistake-free periods of their children’s lives.

Let’s be clear about our kids and their mistakes. There aren’t too many kids who get up in the morning, rub their hands together and say, “I wonder how I can screw up today and really bother my dad!” Kids don’t enjoy or want to make mistakes; it’s just one of the ways that they learn about the world.

Kids usually try to do their best; it’s just that they are doing their best considering the resources that they have at the time. Sometimes they’re tired, sometimes they’re easily distracted, and sometimes they’re strong-willed, but they generally do the best that they can. It’s very easy for us to judge them according to standards of what they’ve done before.

When our kids make mistakes, we have choices to make. Fathers can either make choices that help to create kids who are defensive and who lie to them ... or they can make choices that help to create kids who can learn from their mistakes and improve upon them.

Kids who fear punishment or the loss of love in response to their mistakes learn to hide their mistakes. These children live in two different places—one place where they have the love and support of their father (parents), and another where they feel that if their mistakes were discovered, they would be undeserving of that love. It is hard for these kids to fully accept their parents’ love and support even when it is expressed. It is also difficult for these kids to set high standards for themselves, because they tend to be fearful of failing.

These are some ideas for fathers who are committed to helping create kids who can learn from their mistakes, and who are not afraid of making a few:

Absolutely accept the notion that your kids are doing their best, and that they will learn faster about their mistakes if they are in an environment that accepts mistakes.

Understand that your difficulty with your kids’ mistakes is in fact a reflection of your difficulty dealing with your own mistakes; be aware of this and deal with your own issues first.

Know the “shaming” messages that we can all give so easily to our kids—messages that can do a lot of damage to them and help them to feel unworthy. Here’s a few of them:

* How could you have done that?
* You don’t listen to me!
* You can do better than hat!
* What’s the matter with you?

Keep providing your kids with learning experiences, but at the same time structure their environment so they can’t make too many mistakes (having expensive glassware around the house where children might break it is not their fault).

Provide a great model for your children by the way you react to making mistakes: do you get defensive and stretch the truth, or do you “own” the mistake and learn something from it? Create a “culture” that is based on learning from mistakes.

We have only one chance to show our kids the patience and discipline necessary to allow them to learn from the mistakes that we’ve all made. Your opportunity to improve just started now; give your kids the room that they need and deserve.
Adapted from Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is a certified personal coach, father, speaker, and workshop leader who helps men to create balance in their lives and to improve their family relationships. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers”

P.S. Special thanks to Smita for sharing the wonderful article on a forum about Pre-schoolers.

Tools for getting through to your Preschooler

Preschoolers amaze us. They are learning so much so quickly, trying to make sense of the world around them.

Preschoolers’ conversations are fascinating as they try to piece information together: looking for the sugar bugs on their teeth after they eat candy; insisting that Mommy go to time-out when Mommy makes them mad; explaining that they can’t start kindergarten yet because they didn’t meet the “dead lion” (deadline).

Preschoolers are also challenging, because they think so differently. They are often oppositional, impulsive, self-centered, inflexible and illogical—especially when upset. They have narrow and literal understanding of the meaning of words and figures of speech. Sometimes it seems adults and preschoolers are speaking different languages. Preschoolers’ actions and behavior usually make ages two through four the hardest for fathers to predict and understand.

In a typical situation, you might tell your preschooler to clean up his room, and he refuses. You tell him he’s the one who made the mess, and he argues the point, insisting that it was his 4-month-old baby brother who left everything out. Or he says he can’t clean up because his hand is too tired—a complaint accompanied by a dramatic collapse on the floor and a plea that you help. You feel confused, annoyed and clueless about what to do.

A preschooler says “no” to many requests and directions. When you insist, he will often become defiant and may get stuck in rigidity that he can’t get out of on his own. If you get rigid in response—“You spilled the water on the floor, so you will clean it up or no TV today”—your preschooler’s reaction can easily escalate to extreme frustration and anger—expressed verbally (“You’re a mean, stupid daddy!”) or physically (hitting dad with the water cup).

When your child is stuck on “no,” you might get annoyed with him and make threats or force him to cooperate. Then the attitude of opposition that normally recedes by kindergarten can get entrenched in his behavior.

Giving in and cleaning up the water yourself is not the solution, because your child must learn not to constantly challenge, disrespect and disregard your authority. If he doesn’t listen now, what will happen when he becomes a teenager?

Here are six important strategies for success:

1. Phrase your directions so they sound fun and/or interesting. “Pretty soon, it’s going to be time to make some holes in the paper cup so we can take it in your bath and play.” If you can’t come up with anything, you can emphasize something he can look forward to doing when he’s done brushing his teeth. Or try having his toys “talk” to him: “I don’t want to lie on the rug. I want to be in the box with my friends, the green and blue Duplos.” Preschoolers love that. You only need to do this about half the time. He often can’t stop himself from saying no, but you can help the “no” to dissolve and become a “yes” by making it easy for him to cooperate.

2. It’s also important to watch how you phrase your directions to preschoolers. Many parents say something like, “How about picking up your toys?” or, “Do you want to come inside now?” when it’s not really a choice. Preschoolers are so literal that they hear it as a question, which they answer with “no.” Phrase it as a fun and/or interesting request, not as a question.

3. When you want your preschoolers to do what you ask, giving advance notice is respectful and effective: “In a little while, it will be time to ...”

4. It’s best to have routines and regular times for dressing, eating, tooth-brushing, toy pickup, TV watching, bed, etc, to reduce continual limit-testing.

5. Spend one-on-one time with your preschooler regularly—at least weekly—doing something that’s fun for both of you. She should know you’re doing it just because you enjoy her company. This is like putting money in the bank to draw on when you want her cooperation.

6. A preschooler needs enough sleep at regular times—12 hours for a three-year-old, 11½ hours for a four-year-old, 11 hours for a five-year-old. Falling short by more than an hour is a problem. Insufficient sleep triggers defiant and moody behavior. He also needs about an hour a day of heart-pounding exercise (running after a soccer ball, biking, jumping, etc.). Sleep, exercise and regular meals and snacks are essential to enable kids to control themselves better. You can help them develop these important habits.

Your preschooler needs special handling and understanding. Adapting your approach to fit his or her capabilities helps make family life happier and more satisfying. And don’t fear that you’ll need to “make it fun” forever. As children become kindergarten age, they become more rational and logical, responding to reasoning more often. Preschoolers are delightful and amazing. Enjoy them.

Adapted from Annye Rothenberg, Ph.D., author, has been a child/parent psychologist and a specialist in childrearing and development of young children for more than 25 years. Her parenting psychology practice is in Emerald Hills, California. She is also on the adjunct faculty in paediatrics at Stanford University School of Medicine. Dr. Rothenberg is the author of the award-winning book, “Mommy and Daddy are Always Supposed to Say Yes ... Aren’t They?” and her most recent book, “Why Do I Have To?”

P.S. Special thanks to Smita for sharing the wonderful article on a forum about Pre-schoolers.

The song that touches the soul

Have you ever come across a song that has really touched you? Well, when I say ‘really touched you’, I mean ‘really, really touched you – deep inside – as if struck a chord’. Well, I have. Some months ago, maybe over a year, there was this song I heard for the first time on a FM station on my car stereo. I was touched. I was moved. It was a sufi song and I felt that it resonated in words exactly the way I feel about God.


Well, I am basically a spiritual person. I mean I do believe in the supreme power of God so much that I feel he can do anything and no miracle is impossible if he wills. I feel that whatever way my life takes is guided by him and he has thought of something wonderful for me. Even if something happens that makes me miserable, God has made it happen for a purpose and that something good will surely come out of it sometime in future. I believe that nothing bad can happen to me because I try my best to keep my heart pure and true, never harm anyone intentionally and help others on every possible opportunity. Hence, God will take care of me as his own child. I would say I am religious, but I certainly don’t believe in stereotypes (e.g. one should go to a temple everyday; and like if you worship in the temple, you have to cover your head, do this and do that) because I believe that God is looking for faith in our hearts and not stereotypes. I also have ultimate faith in one deity but I also respect all Gods and religions and believe that one should have faith, and one may direct it towards any or many Gods.

Well, so much for my spiritualism. I will come back to my original idea now - the song that really touched my soul. I just heard it and I listened intently to find out any clue: movie, singer, etc. But, as it happens on Delhi’s various radio stations, they just play the song without telling you anything about it. The song kept ringing inside me for hours. Late that night, I sat on the internet and looked that out. It took me some time as it belonged to a movie that was not being marketed like the typical big budget movies. It was a small budget movie that gained publicity more through word-of-mouth and critic accolades for its lead actor. The song was “Ha raham” from the movie “Aamir”. (People tell me it’s a wonderful movie with a stellar performance by Rajeev Khandelwal, though I am yet to see it).

The song has some kind of a ringing quality in it, like a haunting and echoing feeling. Or, maybe it’s just my perception because I have connected to it in a special way. The lyrics have a much deeper meaning. I still get moved by it every time I hear it, even after hearing it for months now.

I am putting in the lyrics of the song here. Do tell me if you too feel the connection I feel.

aani jaani… hai kahaani…
bulbule si… zindgaani…
banti kabhi bigadti…
tez hawa se ladti, bhidti…

ha raham, ha raham, farma ae Khuda…
mehfuz har kadam karna ae Khuda…

saanson ki sooti… dor anoothi…
jal jayegi… jal jayegi…
band jo laaye the, haath ki muthhi…
khul jayegi… khul jayegi…

kya gumaan kare kayaa ye ujlee…
mitti mein mil jayegi..
chaahe jitni shamaayein raushan kar le…
dhoop to dhal jayegi, jayegi…

ha raham, ha raham, farma ae Khuda…
mehfuz har kadam karna ae Khuda…

sone chamak mein, sikko khanak mein…
milta nahi… milta nahi…
dhool ke zarron mein, dhoonde koi tu…
milta wahin… milta wahin…

kya majaal teri marzee ke aage…
bando ki chal jayegi…
thaame ungli jo tu kathputli ki…
chaal badal jayegi, jayegi..

ha raham, ha raham, farma ae Khuda…
mehfuz har kadam karna ae Khuda…

Is this not racism?

I had written this article some time ago. But, I had not posted it then for some reason. Today, on the lunch table at office, we were chatting up with a Marathi guy and a fellow colleague jokingly advised him not to speak in Marathi in public in Delhi, lest he gets beaten up. Then, I was suddenly reminded of this article of mine. I hope it still makes a point.



In May and June 2009, there had been reports about attacks on Indians in Australia. These were alleged to be racially motivated by both Indians nationals and the media. Later, even the Australian Police admitted to their racist nature. Indians in Australia and back home were enraged. They had even retaliated by holding protests and attacking other nationals. Rallies were held in both Melbourne and Sydney. Impromptu street protests were held in Harris Park, a suburb of western Sydney with a large Indian population. The protests attracted attention from the international media, with coverage in India especially widespread and critical of Australia. So much so that representatives of the Indian government met the Australian government to express concern and request that Indians be protected. But what was most ironic was when members of the Shiv Sena held a demonstration outside the Australian High Commission in New Delhi, where effigies of Kevin Rudd were burnt.


I wonder what right they have to do so when they themselves are amok attacking over north Indians in Maharashtra. Is it not racism when Raj Thackeray makes critical remarks, themed around language politics and regionalism, about migrants from the North Indian states of Uttar Pradesh and Bihar, accusing them of spoiling Maharashtrian culture and not mingling with them? Is it not racism when workers of Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS), which phased out of Shiv Sena and has similar ideologies, assault North Indian taxi drivers and vandalise their vehicles in Dadar, Mumbai? Then again, Bal Thackeray issued an editorial titled "Ek Bihari, Sau Bimari" (One Bihari, Hundred illnesses) in Saamna, Shiv Sena's political mouthpiece, saying that Biharis antagonised local populations wherever they went and were an "unwelcome lot" throughout the country. Why does no one term this as racism?


Incidences of violence against North Indians and their property by MNS workers were reported in Mumbai, Pune, Aurangabad, Beed, Nashik, Amravati, Jalna, and Latur. Nearly 25,000 North Indian workers fled Pune, and another 15,000 fled Nashik in the wake of the attacks. Later on, a labourer from Uttar Pradesh was lynched in a Mumbai commuter train. In fact, such acts defy the rule of law and challenge the fundamental rights of the citizens to travel, study, reside and earn a livelihood anywhere in India.


There is a saying in hindi, "Doosron ke ghar patthar vohi phenke jiske khud ke ghar sheeshe ke naa ho" (He who throws stones on others’ houses should ensure that his own house is not made of glass.) Then with what right do we condemn the attacks in Australia. We ought to first look within and remember if we throw a stone in a muddle, we will end up splashing mud on our clothes too.

What’s the big deal with “Wake up Sid”?

I finally saw “Wake up Sid” after days of encouragement from my little sister and a few friends who kept telling me that it’s the best movie they’ve seen in a long-long time. I was used to hearing words such as awesome, fantastic, amazing, etc. in the same breath as “Wake up Sid”. Now after seeing the movie, I wonder why. Why the euphoria? What is so special about “Wake up Sid”? Why is everyone going so crazy about it? What’s the big deal with “Wake up Sid”?

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with the movie as such. It’s a sweet relaxing movie. Those feel-good types that crop up once in a while. It’s not boring rather a good time pass and one does not exactly feel that the money was wasted or could have been better spent elsewhere. It’s also a very simple film, very relatable and fresh. With the upper middle class urban feel, it also confirms to the sensibilities of the multiplex audiences who have now replaced the masses as the audience that make or break a movie.

But, the very essential question, if I may ask, is “What is the story of the movie?” I mean, the film at best has a plot, a premise; but definitely not a story. And, if I must, I would give credit to, Ayan Mukherjee, the young director to have a 2.30 hours movie revolve on a small plot and still not make it boring. How much time can you actually take to tell about a boy who “comes of age”. It’s a movie basically narrating the story of a poor chap who tasted setback/failure and slowly starts taking up responsibilities. It’s not a novel concept. It’s a trend which started with the still fresh and enjoyable “Dil Chahta Hai” about ten years ago.

In fact, Farhan Akhtar, the talented debutant director of “Dil Chahta Hai” himself made a movie on the same plot as “Wake up Sid” in his second offering, “Lakshya”. “Lakshya” too was a movie about an unfocused boy belonging to a well-to-do family, who had no aim, no objective in life. Then, circumstances teach him important lessons in life and he not only finds ambition but successfully fulfils the same as well. “Lakshya” was technically and literarily stronger than “Wake up Sid”. It was in all aspects a better made film and had a definitive story instead of just a premise. (I am not comparing the performances as they were equally good in both.) Yet, “Lakshya” flopped and “Wake up Sid” is a craze among the young and the not-so-young generation.

The reason is simple. “Lakshya” had a very strong tagline: “It took him 24 years and 18000 feet to find himself”. 18000 feet refer to the altitude at which the Kargil War was fought. The movie used the Kargil War and the tough and disciplined army life as the background, where the aimless young man finds his calling. However, “Wake up Sid” does not resort to something as drastic as that. Normal day-to-day problems and financial challenges force the young man here to “grow up”. Hence, the latter is all the more relatable to the college goers or the young just out of college generation in their late twenties. Not everyone nowadays is extremely patriotic, but instead patriotism nowadays is mingled in personal goals of ambition of self to do well and along the way let the country progress because its youth is doing well. “Sid” unlike “Karan” in that sense did not feel for his country when he starts taking up responsibilities. His single-point aim despite his confused mind, once the fog cleared from his grey cells, was to do well and show his parents and friends what he is worth. Hence, he was just a normal guy like you and me and thus much more relatable to than “Karan”. And so, “Wake up Sid” did what “Lakshya” couldn’t: do well at the box-office.

I still personally find “Lakshya” a better movie than “Wake up Sid” and would watch it over and over again even if “Wake up Sid” for me is a damn good one-time watch. I only wish people could have understood the soul of the movie instead of focussing on the garb. Then maybe, Farhan, the excellent filmmaker and storyteller that he is, would have gotten his due.

Negotiating Tactics

Found this interesting article and decided to put it up here so that it may be of help to someone:

1 BUILDING BLOCK TECHNIQUE

This can be used in several ways. You may request a price for only part of your actual requirements and in the face‑to‑face negotiation request prices for various quantities up to your actual needs. The other party will give ground more readily when you are raising their expectations.

If you are prepared to enter into a three‑year contract, negotiate hard for a one‑year contract and then ask what they would offer in addition if you went to two years. Having obtained further concessions, ask what they would offer for three years. You should get even more. If you go straight from one year to three years the concession you might have got for two years will be transferred to the three-year contract and the concession you might have got for three years disappears!

Some people ask for prices for quantities higher than those they require and then try to get the same price for the actual lower quantity. If this approach if used, then in a buy/sell situation the seller will feel cheated and resentful. He will feel 'cold' towards the buyer. The buyer's tactic might succeed once, but he will have lost the respect of the seller and the seller will look for ways to redress the balance in future. Moving to higher quantities than originally asked for encourages the seller‑who sees the prospect of more business than expected and can probably offer lower prices because of these higher quantities. The seller feels 'warm' towards the buyer.

2 RUSSIAN FRONT

You hint that failure to agree to a point (perhaps major but made to look minor) will necessitate reopening the whole range of aspects previously settled. The other party either agrees or faces a much worse alternative.

3 BACK BURNER

Putting off either to another meeting or to a later stage in the negotiation an item or issue that you had not planned for, giving you time to work out a position on the issue. This can sometimes result in the other party repeating all or part of their case and a comparison of first and second versions can prove useful.

This tactic can also be used where it appears that a particular issue is 'bogging down' the negotiation. Proposing 'let's leave that for the moment' can prevent this happening.

As the negotiation proceeds, the contentious issue often resolves itself and there is no need to revisit it.

4 HEADACHE

'Oh! No! Not today, I've got a headache!' Essentially this is an emotional appeal not to press a point, and designed to make the other party feel it would be unreasonable to do so. Who likes to be thought unreasonable?

5 LINKING ISSUES

This is a very useful tactic but it needs careful planning. It is essentially a way of creating movement by establishing a link between issues that had previously been separate. To introduce a 'contingent relationship' between two issues on which each side wants a settlement is a prime means of getting movement where there is apparent deadlock.

For example, in buying a car the seller may be persuaded to make a further concession if you stress that if you do buy that particular model you would get it serviced at that garage.

6 ATOM BOMB/ ARMAGEDDON

A suggestion that a failure to concede or drop a line that has been taken will lead to catastrophic consequences. This means using threats such as: 'This may only be a small order but failure to agree could affect all your business with the group'.

7 BROKEN RECORD

Repeating over and over again the point or demand you are making will sometimes win because the other party gets 'fed up' with its constant repetition, and feels that further progress appears unlikely until this obstacle is removed. It emphasises the need for persistence in negotiation and a refusal to accept 'no' at its face value without testing. Children use this as their main negotiating tactic with their parents!

8 TROJAN HORSE

Beware the Greeks bearing gifts! Be wary of the offer 'too good to refuse'. Look for any hidden problems or disadvantages. For example, avoid following the buyer who gratefully accepted the offer of fixed prices for twelve months only to find the market price subsequently fell!

9 CASINO

Suggest that the proposals made by the other party are a pure gamble and cannot be taken seriously.

Using phrases such as “You’ve got to be joking” or “Pull the other one” can do this. The implication is that if they are serious then there is no prospect of any deal whatsoever.

Remember‑do this with a smile and you are unlikely to cause offence.

10 MESSENGER

The implication is that some absent third party is responsible for the unpleasant point you are about to deliver, for example: 'I'm only telling you what the engineers say' or 'I'm under pressure to achieve a 5 per cent reduction in current prices.' You cannot be held personally responsible for the statement. It can also help in putting down a 'Marker' without being personally responsible for it. You can then more easily retreat from this position without losing credibility. This third party must be placed at a level where it would be difficult for the person with whom you are negotiating to make contact.

11 DEFENCE IN DEPTH

Using several levels of staff/management before the issue reaches the final decision‑maker. At each level it is hoped that additional information will be obtained. This must be done carefully so that you do not undermine your own authority.

Statements such as “Our normal procedure is ... etc”, can indicate that the other party will have to conform to this.

Do not confuse this with tactic 27, Third Party.

12 PDT ‑ PHYSICALLY DISTURB THEM

Using a variety of physical (non‑violent) means to throw the other party off balance, for example:

· Lean across the table‑invade their 'territory'
· Change the normal seating pattern
· Sit close to them
· Ask them not to smoke‑if you know they usually do.

All of these are actions that cannot be taken as hostile but can still unsettle the other party.

13 BRINKMANSHIP

Going right to the edge requires great skill to avoid falling over! One way is to try and get the other party to see the edge as being closer than it actually is. However, beware of bluffing ‑ if you are going to bluff always be aware of what you will do if your bluff is called.

14 NEGOTIATING BACKWARDS

It can be helpful to try to find out in advance where the other person would like to end up. This can avoid the resentment that could occur when you push someone beyond what they see as their limit.

15 SILENCE

At a recent meeting a manager had just made a superb presentation of his negotiating case to an opposing group. It was clear that the audience was impressed, but an uneasy silence developed as people looked at each other to see who was going to be the first to speak. Just as one was about to ask a question the manager began going over the key points again. This happened several times. If he had stopped talking and started listening he might have learned something!

Silence is a void and people feel an overwhelming need to fill it. However, we must learn to 'manage' silence. If you ask a question and get an unsatisfactory answer, the best thing to do is nothing at all ‑demand more information by remaining silent!

Many sellers, faced with silence, will go on offering concessions until they get a verbal reaction, for example: 'We could do X' – silence ‑ 'And we could also do Y.'

Use silence but also plan what you will do if it is used on you!


16 RECESSING

Seek an adjournment to consolidate, review and re‑calculate, or possibly reshape a deal. New ideas often emerge if a break is taken preferably away from the stress of the actual negotiation. It often forces parties to re‑consider their respective stances and question the reasonableness of the positions they have taken.

Recesses should always be taken when:

· Some complicated calculations have to be done
· The emotional temperature is rising
· You are negotiating as a member of a group and your team is 'beginning to fall apart'.

17 DEADLINES

These can be imposed or agreed and can encourage parties to concentrate on creative solutions but at the same time realize that concessions are necessary. Beware that this does not lead to precipitate solutions.

18 THE HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION – “WHAT IF. . .” OR “SUPPOSE .….”

It can be particularly useful for tabling a new idea or to help break deadlock. Matters can be discussed without the fear of commitment. The hypothetical question can, however, be a two‑edged sword, depending where it is used in a negotiation. If used during the exploratory/testing stage it can open up useful alternatives and help shape a deal. If used late in the process, when the basic framework of a deal has been constructed, it can cause frustration since one or other party may see it as a backward rather than a forward step, breaking the framework and implying that the process has to start again.

19 “WHY?”

Never be afraid to challenge the other party, especially at the earlier stage when positions are being defined. Where you are involved in an ongoing relationship you will acquire the reputation of someone who demands a well-presented case. The more detail put forward, the greater the opportunity to find a flaw that can be exploited to your advantage.

Use the 'Why' tactic judiciously ‑ if used too often to challenge every new idea or proposal it can cause frustration and inhibit the other party from putting forward alternatives. If you do ask 'Why' you may get some very good reasons which are difficult to refute, so you should plan for this eventuality.

20 TAKING THE TEMPERATURE

An informal meeting or contact can be used to test for views, positions, sensitivities, etc. Be careful to define the purpose of such a meeting ‑ do not reach a formal settlement informally!

21 PERSONAL FAVOUR

Essentially this is an emotive stance. Emphasize the trouble you personally went to for the other party, e.g. 'I had to work hard to get the partner to even look at your proposal or 'I had to make special arrangements to get your invoices paid in the time you wanted.'

Some door‑to‑door sellers use this, e.g. 'I only need to sell one more to win our competition.' The point is made that to ask for more or to refuse to buy would be unreasonable.

22 DUMBSTRUCK

Look astonished or even horrified, but say nothing! This puts the onus on the other party to explain or even excuse what has been said, weakening their case and also giving you time to think. More emotion is used here than in just remaining silent.

23 GUILTY PARTY

Make the other party feel guilty by suggesting that they are breaking some code or agreement, or that they are refusing something already conceded by other, more reasonable people. They may make a concession to convince you that this is not the case.

24 SALAMI

Feed a difficulty or 'nasty' in thin slices, piece by piece. This often produces concessions because the other party wishes to get away from an increasingly uncomfortable situation.

25 DUNCE

Undermine the other party's faith in his case by claiming that he has not done his homework and has got his facts wrong‑he was not well briefed. If this can be demonstrated it is possible to sow seeds of doubt about matters that have been prepared and are correct, thus sapping confidence and producing a feeling of inferiority. Be careful that you can substantiate any such challenge you make or your own credibility will suffer.

26 THIRD PARTY

State, at the end of a negotiation or at a crucial stage, that you do not have the authority to make a final decision. One can 'buy time' to consider the other party's case‑this will probably have been fully argued when this tactic is used. You can then consider counter arguments at your leisure. On the other hand you automatically undermine your own position for future negotiations, and may well be by‑passed in future.

27 GOOD COP BAD COP or Mr NICE and Mr NASTY

This is a tactic for team negotiations. One of the team makes very high demands at the start of the negotiation and indicates a firm stand. Before he loses 'face' by having to back down, another team member takes over and indicates a willingness to take a more reasonable attitude, often to the relief of the other party, though the initial high demands have reduced their expectations.

This obviously requires close cooperation and pre‑planning between members. If you are on the receiving end of this tactic remember that the objective of Mr Nice and Mr Nasty is exactly the same‑a good deal for them!

To prevent this tactic being used against you always establish the authority level of the person you are negotiating with. Ask the question 'If we reach an agreement can you commit your organization?' or some such question.

28 FULL DISCLOSURE‑OPENNESS

This depends very much on the atmosphere that has been created ‑ parties need to feel that they will not be exploited by the other and it can lead swiftly to an agreement which both consider good. This is often used when parties have been dealing with each other over a long period and trust has been established.

Remember‑trust takes time to build but can be destroyed very easily. Openness is demonstrated rather than stated. Beware of the person who uses phrases such as 'I'm now going to be totally open with you'‑they seldom are!

29 “ALL I CAN AFFORD”

This needs to be accompanied by persistence or the 'Broken Record' approach if the other party is to be convinced. If accepted, the result can be a mutual concentration on alternatives to enable the deal to be made within the limits stated. Do not over‑state your case and lose 'face' by having to back down.

30 'LET'S GO FOR LUNCH'

Deals can often be concluded when the atmosphere or surroundings are changed and a more relaxed and informal setting substituted. Less formal than recessing, and can be used by either party to the negotiation.

31 SIDE‑ISSUE OR RED HERRING

This tactic highlights a comparatively unimportant issue so that when finally agreed the other party feels that they have 'broken the back' of the negotiation and can relax.

When the real issue comes up it gets less attention, to the benefit of the party using the tactic.

32 DIVIDE AND RULE

Use this tactic when in a negotiation where you are facing a team of negotiators on the other side. By listening and observing you may pick up more positive or agreeable signals from a particular member. You can then concentrate on them as being more reasonable and supportive. Sometimes the team actually begins to argue amongst themselves‑listen carefully for useful signals.

If leading a team negotiation, make certain during the preparation that steps are taken to ensure you do not fall into this trap.

33 CHARITY

This is an appeal to the 'better nature' of the other party. It is essentially an emotional appeal to the other party as a person rather than as a representative of their organization.

34 DELIBERATE MISUNDERSTANDING

This is a particularly useful ploy to 'buy' time to think after a complicated proposal, case or explanation. 'Could you just run through that again?' either gets you time or discourages the other party from using such complications.

35 RE‑ESCALATION OF DEMAND

After conceding and moving towards the other party you then find they are unwilling to move and persist in pushing for more. You therefore indicate that you have moved too far already and must return to your original position or beyond. The other party will often agree the deal at that stage, fearing that what they have so far obtained may slip away.

36 'ONE MORE THING'

This can be used at the end of the negotiation, particularly if it has taken time to get this far. A further concession may be obtained, working on the basis that the other party will not want to waste what has been agreed. Use care as the 'one more thing' must not be so crucial that it leads to a reopening of the whole negotiation. However, it can get you just that little bit more.

37 THE INCORRECT SUMMARY

Summarize in a way that tips the balance just in your favour. If the other party does not object at the time they will appear unreasonable if they raise it later in the negotiation.

38 NEW FACES

Change to another team or refer to other individuals/groups. New faces need not be tied by what has been developed in the negotiation to date.

39 ONUS TRANSFER

Put the onus on the other party to come up with ideas, e.g. 'What must we do to enable you to reduce your price?' Sellers try to get the buyer's 'shopping list'. They then negotiate each item on the list in turn, finally asking for the order because they have agreed everything on the list.

Onus transfer enables the buyer to get the seller's shopping list ‑ what the seller needs to drop prices. The buyer can then negotiate in the same way to arrive at the price he requires.

REMEMBER

If you chose to use tactics and they are discovered you will damage the relationship by reducing trust.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING...

When you thought I wasn't looking,

You hung my first painting on the refrigerator,

And I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

You fed a stray cat,

And I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

You baked a birthday cake just for me,

And I knew that little things were special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

You said a prayer,

And I believed there is a God I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

You kissed me good-night,

And I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I saw tears come from your eyes,

And I learned that sometimes things hurt--

But it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

You smiled,

And it made me want to look that pretty too.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

You cared,

And I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking,

I looked...

And I wanted to say "thanks"

For all those things you did,

When you thought I wasn't looking.

by Mary Rita Schilke Korzan © 1980

The 7 Keys to Turning Bad Habits Into Good Habits

Now this one is a good article I read on the net written by someone who tried to quit smoking and failed six times. But, succeed he did eventually. The seventh time over, he did things bit differently. What and how, read on.

Quitting smoking was one of the most difficult things to do — in fact, I failed the first six times I tried quitting.

Each time I failed in my quit attempt, I felt guilty and weak and unsure of my ability to overcome such difficult hurdles. But looking back on it, it was the failed attempts that taught me the most about what works and what doesn’t.

And on my seventh attempt to quit, I was prepared. I knew what got in the way of success, and I planned for it. I had researched habit changes, and had multiple strategies for success in my plan. And the things I learned from this successful habit change were keys to changing all the habits that have made me the person I am today.

Reader Tarra recently asked:

"I was reading about how to be motivated and break bad habits and replace with positive ones. I also saw your suggestion on one at a time for 30 days. Unfortunately I am going to be forced to make several changes at once due to a medical diagnosis. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with quitting smoking, cutting out alcohol, dealing with a medical problem, having three young kids and still try to be positive?"

Unfortunately I’ve never had to do so many things at once, so I can’t give much advice on that. However, I have quit smoking and have changed other bad habits, and I think the same principles for changing one bad habit will apply here.

There are a few keys to changing bad habits … I highly recommend that you create a plan based on these keys, before you start to implement your habit change, so that you are well prepared and well positioned for success:

1. For each habit, identify your triggers. What situations trigger your smoking habit (waking in the morning, having coffee, drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out with friends, driving, etc.)? Identify all of them, for each habit.

2. For every single trigger, identify a positive habit you’re going to do instead. When you first wake in the morning, instead of smoking, what will you do? What about when you get stressed? When you go out with friends? Some positive habits could include: exercise, meditation, deep breathing, organizing, decluttering, and more.

3. For at least one month, focus entirely on being as consistent with your triggers as possible. That means, every single time those triggers come up, do the positive habit you identified instead of the negative one. The more consistent you are, the better the habit will form. If you sometimes do the new habit when the trigger occurs, and sometimes don’t, the new habit won’t form very well. Try to do it every single time. If for some reason you fail, extend the one-month period and try to be very consistent from that point onward.

4. Avoid some situations where you normally drink and smoke, at least for awhile, to make it a bit easier on yourself. If you normally drink when you go out with friends, consider not going out for a little while. If you normally go outside your office with co-workers to smoke, avoid going out with them. This applies to any bad habit — whether it be eating junk food or doing drugs, there are some situations you can avoid that are especially difficult for someone trying to change a bad habit. Realize, though, that when you go back to those situations, you will still get the old urges, and when that happens you should be prepared.

5. Realize that your urges will be strong, but they will go away after a few minutes. They come in waves, but just ride out the wave. Find strategies for getting through the urges — deep breathing, self massage, eating frozen grapes, walking around, exercising, calling a friend who will support you.

6. Ask for help. Get your family and friends and co-workers to support you. Find an AA group in your area. Join online forums where people are trying to quit. When you have really strong urges or a really difficult time, call on your support network for help. Don’t smoke a cigarette, for example, without posting to your online quit forum. Don’t have a drop of alcohol before calling your AA buddy.

7. Staying positive is key! You will have negative thoughts — the important thing is to realize when you’re having them, and push them out of your head. Squash them like a bug! Then replace them with a positive thought. “I can do this! If Leo can do it, so can I!” :)

Bonus tip: If you fail (and many of you will, at least once), don’t give up. As I said, it took me seven tries to successfully quit smoking. Figure out what went wrong, and plan strategies to overcome that obstacle the next time. Keep your positive attitude and keep trying. You’ll get it eventually.

Anecdotes: Albert Einstein

I have stumbled over this really wonderful website of Anecdotes of well-known personalities. I would love to put some anecdotes over this space now and then. To start with, I chose Albert Einstein and there are some truly wonderful anecdotes regarding some witty instances with the Nobel laureate.


Albert Einstein: Nuclear Reaction?

Albert Einstein was once introduced to the eighteen-month-old son of a young friend. The infant looked into the old physicist's wizened face and promptly began to bawl.
"You're the first person for years," Einstein declared, patting the child on the head, "who has told me what you really think of me."

Modest Einstein

One day in 1905, the prestigious Annalen der Physik (Annals of Physics) published three separate papers by the 26-year old Albert Einstein. The first proposed wave-particle duality, an update of Max Planck's quantum theory of radiation; light, Einstein declared, travels simultaneously as a wave and as particles called quanta. The second explained the complexities of Brownian motion (ping pong motion at the molecular level). And the third, Einstein matter-of-factly explained in a letter to a friend, "modifies the theory of space and time." It was Einstein's special theory of relativity.

Incredibly Einstein, then working as a Swiss patent clerk, had produced the papers in his spare time and modestly sent them to the journal for publication - "if there is room."

[The physicist Louis de Broglie called Einstein's contributions "blazing rockets which in the dark of the night suddenly cast a brief but powerful illumination over an immense unknown region." Indeed, his work in that single year led to the discovery of (among other things) X-ray crystallography, DNA, the photoelectric effect, vacuum tubes, transistors, and nuclear energy.]

Relativity Explained!

Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour," he once declared. "Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity!"

["Since the mathematicians have invaded the theory of relativity," Einstein once remarked, "I do not understand it myself anymore."]


Albert Einstein: Stroke of Genius?

Though Albert Einstein became a passionate Zionist (partly in response to Germany's growing anti-Semitism) he also expressed concern about the rights of Arabs in any Jewish state.
He later spent the last day of his life drafting a speech to mark the anniversary of Israel's independence; perhaps fittingly, he died of a stroke.

[Einstein was offered the presidency of the new state of Israel in 1952. He declined. "Politics is for the moment," he once remarked, "while... an equation is for eternity."]


Albert Einstein: Scientific Revolution

Albert Einstein was visited one day by one of his students. "The questions on this year's exam are the same as last year's!" the young man exclaimed. "Yes," Einstein replied, "but this year all the answers are different."


[While Isaac Newton's theoretical framework provides excellent results for everyday calculations, at relativistic speeds (those approaching the speed of light) classical equations indeed yield very inaccurate results.]


Simple Question?

One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein's driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. Sure enough, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back in his driver's uniform.

Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it..."

[Probably apocryphal.]


Relative Weakness

Shortly after Albert Einstein fled from Germany (in 1932), one hundred Nazi professors published a book (One Hundred Authors Against Einstein) condemning his theory of relativity. "If I were wrong," Einstein said in his defense, "one professor would have been enough."


[In 1933 (the year of Hitler's formal rise to power), Jewish scientists were fired en masse. (Half of Germany's theoretical physicists lost their jobs). Hitler cared little about the consequences. "If science cannot do without Jews," he told the physicist Max Planck, "then we will have to do without science for a few years." But for Hitler's misjudgment, the Nazis would almost certainly have beaten America in the race to develop nuclear weapons.]

Particular Uncertainty

Despite Werner Heisenberg's Nobel Prize for its formulation, Albert Einstein never accepted the so-called "uncertainty principle" (which stipulates that the more carefully one measures the position of a given particle, the less certain its momentum becomes) because it threatened to wreak havoc with the strict determinism in which he believed.

Indeed, the uncertainty principle was a subject about which Einstein and Niels Bohr argued many times over the years. On one memorable occasion (at the Solvay conference in Brussels in 1930) Einstein unveiled the product of one of his famous "thought experiments": an imaginary device comprised of clocks and scales, which, he claimed, violated the principle.

Following a sleepless night, however, Bohr discovered that Einstein had made a critical error: he had neglected to take into account the fact that clocks run slower in a gravitational field... a consequence, rather ironically, of Einstein's own theory of relativity.

Einstein's Attire

Albert Einstein's wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work. "Why should I?" he would invariably argue. "Everyone knows me there." When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit. "Why should I?" said Einstein. "No one knows me there!"

["When I was young I found out that the big toe always ends up making a hole in a sock," Einstein once recalled. "So I stopped wearing socks." Einstein also allegedly once declared: "Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."]



Young Einstein

Albert Einstein was a very late talker. At the dinner table one evening, he finally broke his long silence: "The soup is too hot," he complained. His parents, greatly relieved, asked him why he had never spoken before. "Because," he replied, "up to now everything has been in order."

[Though Einstein (whose teacher described him as a slow thinker and an antisocial daydreamer) was four years old before he could speak and seven before he could read, according to the mathematical historian Otto Neugebauer, this story is apocryphal.]


Egghead?

Albert Einstein once declared that his second greatest idea (after the theory of relativity) was to add an egg while cooking soup in order to produce a soft-boiled egg without having an extra pot to wash!


Classic Einstein

One day Albert Einstein and an assistant found themselves searching for a paper clip with which to bind a newly-finished physics paper. Though they soon found one, it proved too badly misshapen to be used. While searching for a tool which could be used to straighten it they came across... a large box of paper clips.
Incredibly, Einstein opened the box, removed a new clip and promptly began to shape it into such a tool (to straighten the bent clip). His assistant, considerably puzzled, asked him why he was bothering to do this.

"Once I am set on a goal," Einstein replied, "it becomes difficult to deflect me."

[Einstein himself once told a Princeton colleague that this was the most representative anecdote which could be told about him.]


Mystery of the Universe?

"There is a wonderful photograph of Albert Einstein [taken in 1953] by Ernst Haas which shows him rubbing his chin in a pensive mood, apparently contemplating the mystery of the universe. In fact the picture was taken immediately after Haas had asked Einstein where he had shelved a particular book."

Human Stupidity

"Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity," Einstein once remarked, "and I'm not sure about the former."

Einstein at Princeton

"At Princeton, Albert Einstein was more like a kindly uncle. When he arrived in 1935, and was asked what he would require for his study, he replied: 'A desk, some pads and a pencil, and a large wastebasket - to hold all of my mistakes.'"

[To avoid embarrassment, Einstein's salary request was raised by Princeton administrators.]

Einstein's Homework

Albert Einstein spent his last two decades trying to reconcile quantum physics with relativity. His holy grail - a so-called "Unified Field Theory" - eluded him. He once casually mentioned to a colleague that he was on the verge of his "greatest discovery ever," before admitting that "it didn't pan out" just two weeks later.

One day in his twilight years, he received a letter from a 15-year-old girl asking for help with a homework assignment. She soon received a curious reply: a page full of unintelligible diagrams, along with an attempt at consolation: "Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics," Einstein told her. "I can assure you that mine are much greater!"


Albert Einstein: Vegas, Baby

While attending a physics symposium in Las Vegas one year, Albert Einstein, to the astonishment of many of his sober-minded colleagues, spent a fair amount of time at the craps and roulette tables.

"Einstein is gambling as if there were no tomorrow," an eminent physicist remarked one day.

"What troubles me," another replied, "is that he may know something!"

["As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain," Einstein once remarked, "and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."]

[Trivia: In April 2004, Ashley Revell sold everything he owned, went to Las Vegas, and bet his life savings ($135,000) on one spin of a roulette wheel. "Never again," he later remarked. "It was mad!" (He won.)]


Relativity

Scientific American once ran a competition offering several thousand dollars for the best explanation of Albert Einstein's general theory of relativity in three thousand words.

"I'm the only one in my entire circle of friends who is not entering," Einstein ruefully remarked. "I don't believe I could do it."

Einstein's Phonebook

When one of Albert Einstein's colleagues asked the eminent physicist for his telephone number one day, he reached for a telephone directory and looked it up. "You don't remember your own number?" the man asked, understandably startled. "No," Einstein replied with a shrug. "Why should I memorize something I can so easily get from a book?"

[Though this story is likely apocryphal, Einstein did claim never to memorize anything which could be looked up in less than two minutes.]


Relativity

One day, one of Albert Einstein's assistants expressed his joy that experimental results had confirmed the General Theory of Relativity. "But I knew that the theory was correct," Einstein calmly remarked.
The assistant then asked what he would have done had his predictions not been confirmed. "Then," Einstein replied, "I would have felt sorry for our dear Lord - the theory is correct."


Universal Notion?

Albert Einstein once attended a scientific conference at which an eminent astronomer declared that "to an astronomer, man is nothing more than an insignificant dot in an infinite universe." "I have often felt that," Einstein replied. "But then I realize that the insignificant dot who is man is also the astronomer."

Technically Stupid?

In 1898, young Albert Einstein applied for admission to the Munich Technical Institute - and was turned down. The reason? The young man, the Institute declared, "showed no promise" as a student.
By 1905, he had formulated his special theory of relativity.


Einstein's Wife

Albert Einstein's wife was once given a guided tour of the Mount Wilson Observatory (in California), whose giant optical telescope was among the largest in the world.

"One of the principal functions of all this sophisticated machinery," an astronomer explained, "is to determine the extent and shape of the universe."

"Oh," she replied, "my husband does that on the back of an old envelope."

[Einstein's second wife, Elsa, was once asked whether she understood her husband's theory of relativity. "No," she replied, "but I know my husband and I know he can be trusted."]


Cosmic Blooper

Shortly after the publication of Albert Einstein's general theory of relativity (in 1915), Alexander Friedmann (a Russian mathematician) was surprised to discover that Einstein had failed to notice a remarkable prediction made by his equations: that the universe is expanding (a prediction later confirmed by observations made by Edwin Hubble in the 1920s).

The cause of Einstein's oversight? He had, incredibly, made an elementary error in his calculations: In effect, he had divided by zero (a cardinal sin in mathematics)!

Typical Male?

"Time named Albert Einstein 'Man of the Century,'" Jay Leno reported one day in December 1999. "It turns out his wife caught him cheating and divorced him. Even Einstein couldn't pull it off..."

WWIII

"I don't know how the third world war will be fought," Albert Einstein once remarked, "but I do know that the fourth one will be fought with sticks and stones."

[Einstein knew what his work had wrought; after the war he made a tearful apology to visiting Japanese physicist Hideki Yukawa.]

All Relative

Shortly after his formulation of the general theory of relativity in 1915, Albert Einstein (a German-born Jew) delivered an address at the Sorbonne in Paris. "If my theory of relativity is proven successful," he declared, "Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew."

[In 1919, Einstein's theory was confirmed by observations made from the island of Principe during an eclipse. Fifteen years later, he left Germany for the United States (after Adolf Hitler's rise to power).]


Consider Betelgeuse

Albert Einstein was among the notable guests who attended the premiere of Charlie Chaplin's City Lights in 1931. While visiting Hollywood, the famed physicist attempted to explain his theories to a studio executive. "For instance, consider Betelgeuse," he remarked at one point. "Betelgeuse, one of the greatest stars in the whole system, can be photographed merely by means of one ray of light..."

Sometime after Einstein left, the executive called his casting director. "Say," he shouted. "I want you should go out and sign up this feller Betelgeuse, and I want you should sign him up quick. Einstein, who knows everything, says he's one of the greatest stars in the business!"



Albert Einstein: Duet

Young Albert Einstein once played a duet in a German salon. At one point the amateur musician struck a wrong note on his violin, prompting Ferenc Molnar, the witty Hungarian playwright, to burst out laughing. The gentle Einstein stopped playing to address the interruption. "Why do you laugh, Molnar?" he asked. "Have you ever seen me laugh when I was sitting through one of your comedies?"

Stellar Student?

At a dinner party one evening, Albert Einstein found himself conversing with a neighbour’s daughter. "What are you, by profession?" she asked. "I devote myself to the study of physics," Einstein replied. "You mean to say you study physics at your age?" the girl exclaimed. "I finished mine a year ago!"

Luminaries

Albert Einstein was among the luminaries invited by Charlie Chaplin to attend the premiere of City Lights. Fans welcomed both men with wild applause. "They cheer me because they all understand me," Chaplin remarked, "and they cheer you because no one understands you."

Genius

Albert Einstein perfected a technique for getting rid of unwanted guests. After some time, a maid would enter the room with a bowl of soup. If Einstein accepted it, his guest would feel that he was interrupting a meal and be obliged to leave. On the other hand, if Einstein wished to continue talking, he would simply wave the soup away, as if he couldn't imagine why it had even arrived.

Albert Einstein's Last Words

"We shall never know what wonders Albert Einstein revealed on his deathbed," one biographer remarked however, "since his last words were overheard by a clueless American nurse who mistook his High German for low babbling."

[Fearful that his grave would be a magnet for mischief, Albert Einstein's executors had his body cremated before secretly scattering his ashes. A pathologist kept his brain, however, hoping to discover the secret of his genius. Canadian researchers later found that he had shorter connections between the frontal and temporal lobes and a larger inferior parietal lobe - a locus of mathematical and spatial cognition - than average men (though no larger, perhaps, than average mathematicians).]

Always Thinking...

Before visiting the Berlin Astrophysical Observatory one day, Albert Einstein and fellow physicist Philipp Frank agreed to meet on a certain bridge in Potsdam. When Frank expressed concern about being late, Einstein told him not to worry; he would simply wait on the bridge.

Frank then expressed concern about wasting his colleague's time. "The kind of work I do can be done anywhere," Einstein replied. "Why should I be less capable of reflecting about my problems on the Potsdam Bridge than at home?"

[Trivia: "The hardest thing in the world to understand," Einstein once remarked, "is the income tax."]


Einstein's Future

Albert Einstein was once asked about predictions for the future. "I never worry about the future," he replied. "It comes soon enough."


Human Problems

Albert Einstein was once offered the presidency of Israel. He declined. He had no head, he said, for human problems. Perhaps he was right...

While his physical theories and experiments were an impenetrable mystery to his second wife, Elsa, she often expressed a desire to learn. "Couldn't you tell me a little about your work?" she asked one day. "People talk a lot about it, and I appear so stupid when I say I know nothing." Einstein, after a moment's thought, produced a curious solution to her human problem: "If people ask," he advised, "tell them you know all about it, but can't tell them, as it is a great secret!"