Sorry, not sorry!

This happens with me a lot. You get introduced to someone - at work, at any gathering, at your kid's school, anywhere - and as part of normal introductions and chit chat people ask you (generally when they are out of questions about you), "So, what does your husband do?" "Ah, I don't have a husband. I am divorced," I usually answer. Nine out of ten times, bang comes the reply, "Oh, I'm sorry." It is so common in fact, the one time people don't say this is when they are taken by surprise by the unexpected answer and are fumbling for appropriate comeback. But it almost always is "I'm sorry."

And this really irks me and I feel like responding, "Don't be! I'm not." And this is a fact. I am not sorry about my divorce. I am not sorry about choosing to walk out of an unhappy marriage. I am not sorry about choosing not to stay in a relationship where I did not get the respect I deserve. And it is really okay. Nobody needs to say or make me feel regretful about it.

There's a reason there are lesser number of divorces in India as compared to the western countries. For once divorce itself is a long drawn tedious legal process and half the time people, especially the ladies, are wary of opting for it despite being in an unhappy situation. Second, there used to be - and somewhat still is - a stigma against it. People tend to easily judge the ones who are divorced, more so if they are females. Well, even saying "I'm sorry" too is a form of judging the person where one assumes that the other person's life has to be miserable because they are divorced and that by asking such a question they themselves have re-exposed them to all their miseries. But what if divorce had actually freed them from miseries? What if the divorce is more of a liberation? Why say sorry for that?

Divorce is more often than not a very well thought out decision, especially when you have kids. It's not something you opt for just to satisfy your ego. In any case, the Indian legal system is such that it beats the ego out of you if you just opt for it on your mere whims and fancies. If two people (or one in case of a contested divorce case) are going on that route, there are bound to be reasons for it. Let's not assume that all of them will feel sorry about it or feel awful being single after it.

Also, as far as I am concerned, I want to set another record straight. Because I am not sorry for choosing to opt for a divorce, that also does not mean that I regret getting married in the first place. No, I do not. That seemed to be the right thing to do at that time and there are definitely some positives that had come out of the relationship and that phase of life. I love my daughter and would not change a thing about that. I appreciate the lessons I have learnt during the journey of getting into the marriage, being in it and getting out of it and those lessons will help me in life in various situations. The whole experience has given me a new perspective about life in general, all the situations and the people around me and I wouldn't like to change that either. No, I wouldn't change a thing about my life at all.

So, next time someone says they are "sorry", I hope I don't mince my words and tell them politely that I AM NOT SORRY for any part of the life that I've lived and the journey I have travelled.