Waiting for the day Ashtami Puja becomes irrelevant for Girls

I have been born into a family of three sisters and no brother. The next generation till now has two girls and a boy. My family has been worshipping Maa Durga since many generations. Needless to say, Navratras were one of the most awaited festivals and culminating into Ashtami which was celebrated with much happiness.

Our family has been unique when it comes to Ashtami celebration. First, it is only restricted to kids in the family and we do not gather little girls from all over for the puja. Second, just like we treat our girls equal to boys on normal days, we treat our boys equal to girls on Ashtami (Kanya Pujan) days. So, my nephew gets to sit in the puja in the same manner and gets the same gifts and money as my daughter and my niece. Third, the girls sit in the puja irrespective of their age (and after attaining puberty too) well until they get married. Last, we share poori-halwa-chhole prasad with some families in the neighbourhood irrespective of whether the families have young girls or not.

Image source: Google search (jagran.com)

Until much later in my teenage years, this was normal for me and only after I grew up did I realise how different this was from the norm. For us, Ashtami Puja had always been for the "kids of the family" and never for the "girls". By that age, I was already into a phase getting prepped to become a staunch feminist. My first Ashtami Puja at my marital home was a depressor. I had been subjected for 6 months to an ashirwad of giving birth to a son and then on the day of Ashtami, my then MIL had sent my then husband looking for small girls to sit in the puja. My now ex-in-laws were openly and vocally upset about me giving birth to a daughter (and the irony was that she was born during Navratras) and six months later on Ashtami day they suddenly relegated her to the status of Lakshmi of the house and worshipped her. My heart was filled with more contempt that day than on the days they would curse me for not bearing a son.

It hurts me to see that the girls are condemned on everyday and on Ashtami, they are celebrated. Although I still try to celebrate this festival with just as much cheer as I did as a child, but every time in Navratras, these thoughts keep circling around my head. I see happy girls in the neighbourhood and I can make out that they are enjoying being centre of attraction for a change. And then maybe one day when the grow up, they will realise what a sham it all is.

The day Ashtami becomes an irrelevant festival for girls because they start getting valued even on normal days will be the day the feminist in me would smile brighter.

Make-up for kids... Like, really?

It’s wedding season and there’s a thought that has been going on in my head. My sister got married just over a year ago. It was one of the biggest occasions we had in our family in the recent past and the biggest that my daughter, now thirteen years old, has had in her living memory as she was too young to remember my other sister’s wedding. Our preparations as far as she was concerned went only to the extent of deciding dresses and footwear (flats and although she bought her first kitten heels for the D-day, she couldn’t wear it for over half an hour and shifted to flats). There was nothing else that we had to discuss or arrange for her. Our own preparations were more elaborate. It additionally included arranging a make-up artist (MUA) for us. 

Now, that was because it was my own sister’s wedding. Otherwise, I am the kind of woman who never opts for professional make-up or hairstyling on any other occasion – be it any close wedding or any random party. Money factor is not even a consideration because I simply do not have the time, energy and inclination to go to a professional to get ready. Similarly, the only time my daughter had her hair done by a professional was during my sister’s wedding and that too only braids (due to the fact that I myself am totally pathetic with those) sans any spray or serum. I just wouldn’t let the MUA use any chemicals on her hair. That is all the exposure my daughter has had to professional make-up till date. 

But when I go to weddings nowadays, I am surprised to note that my daughter is usually the odd one out in kids. Kids as young as 2 or 3 year olds there are running around with hairstyles made by professional MUAs and often with make-ups like eye-shadows and lip-colours. My niece got married about 10 days back and I couldn’t see a single child on her own feet, no matter how old, not made-up. And I kind of find it sad because all said and done, these cosmetics not only harm their gentle skins but otherwise as well we are tuning the minds of our girls to fake standards of beauty as well as vanity. This in my eyes is a bigger sin than even ruining their complexions. 

This had been on my mind for a few days until yesterday when I was just whiling away my time by surfing through flash news from Entertainment Industry. I came across Vogue Magazine articles sharing pics of all celebrities who attended Armaan Jain - Anissa Malhotra wedding – the “who wore what” kind of news articles. I was mindlessly just skimming through without even focussing on any celebrity or least of all on the names of all the famous designers whose clothes they wore. That was until I came across pics of Karisma Kapoor with her daughter. What caught my eye was Samiera Kapoor, aged 14, a young girl belonging to one of the most fashion-conscious families in India was totally sans any make-up and hadn’t even got her hair done. A teenager belonging to a family of actors, who herself is most likely to become an actor someday, was wearing designer dresses but no cosmetics. I was like “Wow! This is so unexpected.” Indeed, this was a surprisingly unanticipated but still a refreshing change for me. The same was the case with Aaradhya Bachchan, the daughter of Abhishek and Aishwarya Bachchan, but then the argument in her favour is that she is only 8 years old. But even in her case, she is an example to be emulated by the parents of the 2 year olds with fancy buns and red lips running around wearing diapers under their lehengas at sundry weddings. 

I hope parents of little girls make note and follow suit. We are in an age where we want to teach our girls (and even boys) that their physical attributes should not determine their worth and that they are beautiful just as they are. But then we cannot preach what we don’t practice.

Image courtesy: Google search

Single Moms: Some by choice and some perforce

I am a single mom. I have been so for 9 years now. And to be honest, it was really by choice because I decided that I was done with all the lies and arguments and mental torture. My daughter was a year and a half old when I walked out of my marriage and I have not repented my decision for a single moment since then. But was it an easy decision? No, it was not. I thought about my daughter's future. I even tried to patch up and went to a marriage counselor, just trying to find a way so that I could make my marriage work - just for the sake of my daughter. But it wasn't working out and I realized that my (now ex-) husband wasn't really a trustworthy person. Then, my marriage counselor said something to me which made me confident enough to take the final plunge. She told me, "Everyone advises you that you should reconcile with your husband for the sake of your child. But, you need to decide what is good for her. What do you think is better for her? Having both parents who don't trust each other or having one parent but who is happy and content in life? A home where people are always arguing or one which is peaceful and full of love?" That's when I decided to let go the useless efforts of reconciliation. I eventually filed for a divorce and after a long nasty fight lasting five years (because my ex-husband was not willing to pay child maintenance), I finally got a divorce.

One would wonder why I have described the above. Because I want to clear out the questions related to whether I thought about my daughter's future OR the questions related to whether I am happy to be divorced? Yes, I thought about my daughter's future A LOT and yes, I am happier than I was ever when I was married. I also want to highlight that I have really struggled and worked hard to attain my single status and I will not have it any other way now.

So, the point is that I am a single mom by choice. I have often talked about the kind of reactions I get when I tell about my status to anyone (you can read about that here and here). But, I also get some very good reactions, especially when it concerns my child. Some people are genuinely nice and they say some very warm and touching things. What I do get to hear a lot is, "You are doing a great job of being both a mom and a dad, balancing so many things alone. Hats off to you." I am always very touched and sometimes lost for words. I am really thankful for all such lovely words I have got time and again from people, but the truth is that I am not doing all that alone. I am not 100% involved with my daughter alone and she also has my mother who is there for her.

Image source: Google search

My mom is my biggest support system. She (and even my dad) have always been there for me. And if I had the confidence to take the decision of getting out of a miserable marriage, it was because they had my back. My mom looks after my daughter. It is because of her that I have a super life. I have a job that I love and where I spend close to 10-12 hours of my own free will; I have friends with whom I keep in touch (more virtually than in person though) and even though I may not have a super social always-out-in-the-evening-with-people kind of life, but I still have the kind of life where I can choose to travel, go out and do anything if I want to. I am super thankful to my mom for all that. And if I get complimented for being a great parent, I do realize that I am still just one of the parents, the other half role is played by my mom for me.

Coming back to the question of being a single mom. I also want to highlight that I have seen many single moms around me, quite a few of them living blissfully with their husbands in happy marriages. Happy Marriages? Why would I call them single moms then? Because their husbands hardly play any role in bringing up the kids. I have male friends who very proudly boast that they leave home in the morning and often times when they reach home, their kids are already asleep. I have male colleagues who never even are aware of their kids' progress in school, their tutions, their extra-curriculars, PTMs, or even their hobbies; everything being already superbly handled by their very nice wives (who often also take care of all their husbands needs and like the typical dutiful filmy wives, take out clothes for them every morning, pack their lunch boxes, serve hot dinner when their husbands come back home from work, etc.). And I have awesome female friends who are intelligent, well-educated and have given up their careers to be a full time mom because someone has to be there for the children. Or they take up such jobs as the ones which allow them to be back home by the time their kids are home (part-time jobs, just helping in family run businesses, school teacher jobs, etc.). I often wonder whether they are also not single moms? And they are single moms perforce. And to be fair to them, they don't even get appreciated for their 'mommy skills' the way some of the single moms like me get appreciated. Let's give a shout out to such wonderful moms who are doing a great job, maybe even better than me or others like me.

Some years back, I had had a chance to attend a meet-and-greet session with Kiran Bedi. Now, no one can deny that Kiran Bedi is a role model for many ladies because of all her wonderful achievements, especially during her stint in the police force. But, it also cannot be denied that to accomplish what she has accomplished, she did have to stay away from her family and daughter even at times when the child might have needed her. I had asked Ms. Bedi the exact question as to how she balanced her job and role as a mother especially during those critical formative years of her daughter's development. She told me that she had (much like me) her mother as her support system and her daughter was almost single-handedly brought up by her mother. Then, she gave an advice to all the women out there. She told them that we women need to have a support system to bring up our kids, without which it is not possible. This support system could be our families, our husbands, or parents, or parents-in-law; and if not, some external support system that we can trust, like some day-care, or a maid, or baby-sitters. She stressed that women should never be afraid to ask for help if they need it. It's for their own and their children's sake. And last but not the least, women should over-come the guilt of not doing everything for their children themselves. It is impossible to be always hands on with that. Moreover, it is more important to be happy and content with your own life because if you are happy and content in your life, you will automatically bring up happy and cheerful children even when you are not around them 100% of the time. Actually I have never forgotten that. This one single advice from Ms. Bedi has immensely helped me in my life, not just in overcoming the guilt of reaching out to my mother whenever I need her help, but also in deeply appreciating everything she does for me.

Raising our sons in the age of Feminism!

We talk about women empowerment but we only address one half of the equation. When we teach our daughters to conquer the world, why don’t we teach our sons that it is okay to be a stay-at-home father, to cook or to express emotions?

For at least a generation now – especially in urban India and educated middle-class families – we have raised our girls to be confident and fight for their rights. But we seem to have ignored an entire generation of boys who were not told anything about how their sisters were changing. While we gave our daughters new ideals and role models, no one bothered to tell their brothers that they ought to change too!

Girls drive two-wheelers and cars. It is considered an essential life skill. You can often hear dads proudly proclaiming that their daughters can drive very well indeed and they don’t need a father/husband/brother to take them anywhere.

Source: Google Image Search

However, boys were never taught that cooking is an essential life skill. You don’t see parents proudly saying that their son can cook and doesn’t need a mother/wife/sister to feed him (and keep him alive!).

We don’t tell our sons that it is okay for them to be paid less than their wives or stay at home to take care of the kids while their spouses continue to work.

Men want to marry a working woman (in theory) but are completely unprepared for the practical reality of a marriage where both partners work. It means doing the dishes or supervising the maid when your wife has a report to complete, it means taking half the day off to take care of your sick son because your wife has an important presentation. It may even mean giving up a promotion or moving to a new city for your spouse’s career.

Because we don’t tell our sons all this, they continue to expect that their wife will automatically give up the job/promotion/transfer in favour of the family whereas they will never have to take a step back from their own careers.

Boys are still raised the way they were for the last many generations.

Women are upset that dinner – and the house, kids, in-laws, maid – is still their responsibility while the men don’t know what they did wrong. After all, they ‘allow’ their wives to work, what more do they want?

Let us not only empower women, but also prepare men to set their expectations right.

Source: Received on WhatsApp as a forwarded message but it, word-to-word, resonates with me and confirms to my belief about how we should be bringing up our kids. I probably could not have framed this better.

Bringing up our sons like our daughters: Is it too much to ask?

Early morning as I sipped my tea and browsed through my Facebook timeline, I read a post on one of the "Mom" groups I follow. The post was as follows (and I quote verbatim):

One of my students, is about to play the nationals in football. When she broke the news yesterday, naturally there were cheers all around, except for a boy. He just could not believe that girls could play football and this good.
Bend it like Beckam has not reached his house obviously.
This response is surprising as he is part of an affluent society and has travelled abroad.
Somethings can never change? I refuse to believe!
Can we as Mothers, do our bit for gender bending?
No saying " Don't cry like a girl!"
"Don't sit like a boy! Sit like a lady!"
"Don't be a wimp!"
"What are you doing with needles and thread?That is a girl's domain"
"Learn to cook! What will happen to you after marriage?"
"Bulk up! You are a boy!! And Ditch those hideous pastels"
"Watch your weight! Be dainty and dress in pretty pinks"
Bunkum!
Teach both boys and girls to be life ready. Teach them how to budget, cook, wash, iron, mop and dust.

Image courtesy: Google search

Just as I read through the post, I realised that it is very easy for me to appreciate what had been written and even practice it because I am a mother of a girl. As our society gets educated and mindsets change, we start equating our girls with boys and bring them up like boys. I never tell my daughter to sit like a girl, not play heavy-duty sports or learn to cook. I do tell her that you'll have to learn to drive when you grow up and look for a job and be independent. But, I think that is the easy part - bringing up our daughters like our sons; calling them beta or "you are a son to me". The difficult part is bringing up our boys like girls. I think as mothers, it is our duty to ensure that we sensitise our sons also like our daughters. THAT I think is the more important bit and that is yet to happen even in the educated society.

In fact, as I browsed through the comments of the said post, I noticed how all people - and all were WOMEN themselves - were only talking about how they are ensuring that their daughters are being raised like sons. Not a single lady mentioned how their sons are being raised like daughters. It's kind of sad to me.

We have to realise that the responsibility of equality is equally if not more on a mother of a son. The whole dynamics of our society as it exists today has to change and the mothers will eventually have to pick up this baton to bring this change; especially the mothers of boys.

Let’s change the way the world treats daughters AND SONS!

I am a daughter too. But I was given a beautiful environment to grow up in. I was never ever made to feel any different from anyone else. There is a difference when someone is brought up in a secure and loved environment. I grew up to be an independent person who looked at everyone with an equal eye. And as I was growing up, I thought it was so everywhere but reality is so different. Because then I came out of the shelter and walked the streets of my city. 

Any girl who has ever walked the streets of a city (any city and not just the ones in India though the Indian cities are quite notorious) will understand what ‘prowling eyes’ mean and even what groping feels like. I am sure every woman in any part of the world has encountered that flasher when they travel to school or have been greeted with catcalls when they have gone anywhere unescorted. Even I did. Then there were those who would accidentally brush past you. If anyone mustered the courage to complain, they would look at you with a glint in the eye and have the guts to say, ‘Go on, tell everyone what happened’. It is disgusting.

Girls are asked a thousand questions, boys are not asked to explain anything. Don’t you think it’s time to change that? I would say that the need to feel safe is everyone’s right. No one is anyone’s property. And no one should be made to feel that way either. We need to start doing things differently. First and foremost, talk about eve teasing and groping openly. No one should hesitate to ‘tell everyone what happened’. And everyone needs to tell the girls so. Tell them that it is alright to not take harassment face down. Tell them that it is those who harass you who should feel ashamed and not you. Children learn by observing adult behaviour. Gender stereotypes have to be broken right then.

And most importantly, have a conversation with your sons. An open and honest conversation. Explain to them the concept of consent. Tell them that it’s not ‘cool’ to lust at girls. Respecting them is much ‘cooler’ – respecting them just as they respect fellow boys. Tell them catcalls will not get them anywhere worthy in life. Tell them that all human beings are equal and have equal place in the sun. Don’t we all tell all this to our daughter’s nowadays? Why can’t we tell the same thing to our sons?

As Gloria Steinem puts it, “We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” That exactly is the need of the hour.

Let’s change the way the world treats daughters AND SONS!

Whoever said marks are 'not important' is wrong!!

The 12th class results are just out. Last few months, there have been campaigns on social media and FMs trying to tell the kids that marks are NOT IMPORTANT. While the intent is clearly to not put pressure on kids and encourage parents to not do the same, it is not exactly true that marks are not important.

The marks are not EVERYTHING, but they still do matter.

It is true that not everybody can come on top and even kids with average marks do well in life most of the time; eventually making successful careers for themselves. There are far too many examples in my life where I have seen average students excel in their careers and make something good and comfortable for themselves. But you cannot deny that having a good academic result saves you a lot of struggle. I'm a live example of the same.

By God's grace, I had a good result in my XII grade. I went to SRCC and completed my CA at the age of 22 years itself. My good academics easily got me through in one of the Big4s. Due to some personal reasons, I had to quit working an year later. After a four year gap if I got a break, that too a fairly decent one, it was only because of my academic background. So whoever tells me that marks really don't decide your career graph, I would like to differ and correct them that they do. What they don't decide is whether you are capable or not of making a career of yourself. Hard work can always compensate for lower marks later in life provided you keep a positive attitude in life.

To me, the issue is all about differentiating between "motivating kids to get good marks" and "pressurising kids to get good marks". But there's a thin line between the two. How you get the point across is what matters.

I belong to a family that believes in carrots more than sticks when it comes to studies. (Well, sometimes sticks are used as well but only in extreme cases.) When I had topped my school about 18 years back, I remember a journalist interviewing me. She asked me basic questions like how I prepared for the exams, how many hours of study did I put in, etc. And I, despite all my excitement, gave very insipid answers. (Maybe that's why they never published my interview). In the end, she asked me, "Did you ever think of committing a suicide?" I was shocked, "Hell, no!" "Did your parents ever tell you that you need to get this much percentage?" "Well, I knew they expected me to do my best. But percentage and marks were never discussed." "What did they say to you?" "They always said that you're on your own when it comes to your further studies and career. We don't have any contacts where we could promise you to get into a college / course or a job. So do your best and leave the rest to God. Good things happen to those who work hard" Now that I look back, I am very proud of my parents for encouraging me and my sisters without creating any daunting pressure on us. I hope when the time comes, I am able to handle the situation with as much maturity.

So, the point that I want to make here is that we need to tell our kids that marks are important but they are not the end of the world. If they are scared, calm them down and tell them, "You do your best and leave the rest to God."

Shouldn't technology use be logical as well?

(Photo courtesy: HT)

Two days a go, I read an article about a 72-year old lady and a 79-year old man becoming parents to a baby boy through the in-vitro fertilisation (IVF-test tube) technique, wherein the eggs and sperm are fertilised outside the womb, in a test tube. There have been other such cases too. In another case in 2006 - a good ten years back - a 70-year old lady had successfully delivered a baby girl through IVF. And in 2008, a 66-year old lady had given birth to triplets - two boys and a girl.

This couple was desperate for a child and this is nothing short of a miracle in the medical world. The doctors must be like God to this couple and one can only imagine their joy at the eventual parenthood. But, despite all, I feel sorry - I feel sorry for the child. It makes no sense at all to have a child and then not be able to give him a normal childhood. 

I am a mother of a 9-year old, and I can give a solid testimony to how much effort and hard work it requires nowadays to raise a normal, active and enterprising child. And no matter how healthy you are, a 70 or 80-year old cannot match the energies of a parent in his or her 30s. You have to run errands like car pools to various activities. You have to use technologies like Google and Wikipedia to help them with studies and school projects. You have keep on your toes for very basic things as teaching your child to cycle or play badminton or even climb a bouncy. I wonder how these poor parents, who would be 80 and 90 year olds by the time the child turns 10 even, keep up.

I feel pity for the child not just because he might lag behind in all these activities that all other children will take up and all children deserve to take up but also because he just might suffer with low self esteem not being able to match up to his peers. I also feel sorry for the child because even before he grows up, he just might end up as the carer for two people in their very advanced age. And nothing could be more devastating that the burden of this responsibility before he evens understands the same.

May God bless this couple with a long life, and let's not even go into the scenario where he might end up as an orphan even before he is mature enough to handle himself. That would be really sad. I hope the child otherwise has good-hearted and helpful relatives very close to him to help him have a normal childhood. God bless little Arman Singh and may all his 'Arman' come true!

Moulding our children right

A few days ago, I was travelling in the Delhi Metro. It’s not very often that I do so and this particular time the metro was jam packed and I almost felt crushed. And when you have a long route to cover you either read something, play with your phone or when there’s no seat and no space to move, you end up observing people around you. So, while I stood dwindling with the flow of the metro, two ladies and a small girl of 8-9 years sat in front of me. Almost instantly the girl asked one of the ladies for something to drink. The lady irked a bit at being disturbed between her gossip ritual, quickly opened her bag and gave her a glass with a lid. The kid opened the lid and drank some sips of buttermilk. She sat there with the glass in her hand until there was a jerk. Out splashed a few drops of buttermilk and they would have landed right over me had my reflexes not worked super-fast to move away my foot. She looked at me for a few minutes as did the two ladies. But none of them apologized. She then closed the lid and handed the glass back to the lady. The mother quickly kept it in her bag and continued talking about her mother-in-law to the other lady. After a few minutes the kid whispered something else in her mother’s ears, apparently for something to eat. Now, had I been in the same situation, I would have explained to my daughter, who incidentally is the same age, that eating and drinking is not allowed in the Delhi Metro. But not this lady. She was too keen on not being disturbed by her little girl’s banter. So, she candidly took out a whole packet of candies and handed it over to the girl. First candy went into her mouth and the wrapper landed right next to my feet. In a minute, the second candy and its wrapper followed the same route. Next moment when the third candy came out, I politely said to the girl, “Beta, this little bag that you are carrying… Why don’t you put the wrappers in that and throw them in the dustbin when you get off?” The child looked at me cluelessly while the mother glared at me as if marvelling at my audacity. “Metro aapke baap ki hai?” she asked me rudely. “Nahin sabki hai!” I answered coolly. “Vaise bhi metro mein khaana-peena mana hai. Fine bhi hai.” Luckily for me the three ladies next to me were by now staring at the lady. So, she chose not to inflate the issue, took the candies from her daughter and said audibly, “Rakh le beta, logon ko yahaan bekaar mein problem ho jaati hai.” A few steps from me a lady, must be my age, had been munching on a packet of Kurkure. She pretended not to hear the conversation but acted as if she was satiated and folded the half-eaten packet and kept it inside her bag. An elderly lady and I noticed and exchanged a smile. 

I was also reminded of a similar incident about an year and a half back. My mother and daughter were to arrive at Delhi from Mangalore and the train was late. So, I was waiting at the Nizammudin Railway Station platform for almost an hour. A group of people consisting of at least four couples and as many children somewhat in the age group of 5 – 15 years occupied a nearby bench. While the men stood at a distance, the ladies were seated on the bench with luggage lying next to them and children chatting, playing and circling around them. The entire one hour that I stood there, the ladies and the kids were munching on junk and throwing wrappers around them. Every now and then, one of the kids would go to the nearby kiosk and get a few packets of namkeen and they would open and pass them around. I noticed a huge dustbin attached to the bench where they were sitting and one next to the kiosk too. In fact there were many of them all around us, at every few steps. I also noticed huge signs all around requesting people to throw the waste in the dustbins. Yet these kids and mothers just threw all the wrappers on the floor right where they were sitting and eating. After noticing them for about 45 minutes, my patience gave up and I walked over to the two-three kids nearby and asked, “Beta, why don’t you throw the waste in the dustbin? There’s one right next to you. Is that not what you are taught in school?” They all suddenly fell silent and the ladies’ chatter halted for a minute. A little girl retreated to her mother and I continued to look at the face of a boy who must have been around 14-15 years old. He did not challenge me but looked affronted. He did not pick a wrapper and instead kicked the one next to his feet towards the dustbin. The kids who did not bat an eyelid while throwing that stuff on the floor, suddenly felt it beneath them to pick it up and throw it in the dustbin. My point was made and I stepped back as they murmured amongst themselves about me while jerking their heads. The girl who had retreated to her mother, now ran towards her father and recounted what happened, supposedly in a whisper but loud enough for phrases to travel all the way and reach my ears. As she pointed a finger towards me, her father looked at me even as I stood at a distance and looked at him and his daughter. “Theek toh keh rahi hain Aunty. School mein sikhaate hain naa?” he asked and he came forward and picked one single wrapper and threw it in the dustbin even as all others continued to lie around their feet. 

In both these incidents, I couldn't help thinking how I would have taught my daughter differently and acted out the situation in another way. But, surprisingly, not many parents realize how important it is to supplement the textbook information about good conduct in the live environment. The kids learn in school about keeping their environment clean, saving electricity and water, respecting elders, following rules, not hurting animals, etc. but how will they retain it when the daily conduct of people around them is absolute opposite? I have very consciously changed my conduct ever since my daughter was born. I make sure she puts waste aside and throws it in the dustbin; she stands at a distance when someone is using an ATM, talking on a counter like ordering food etc.; we never break traffic rules, pluck plants, throw stones at cows or dogs, etc.; and always observe Earth Hour. My daughter often questions me, “Nobody else is doing this. Why us?” and my reply is very simple, “Because we must ensure that we are at our best behaviours and we do the right thing even if others don’t.” But the fact remains that many parents don’t follow the same logic. 

I do believe that parents should mould their kids well right from the start, including 

1. Teaching good manners: ‘Please’, ‘Sorry’ and ‘Thank you’ are the very basics which parents should practice as well as preach. Giving your seat to a more needy person; offering what you are eating to others around you; being courteous to guests; and putting other family members before yourself. These are general virtues kids learn at home. 

2. Teaching empathy: Little gestures about talking politely to the cleaning lady and the restaurant waiter helps. Children are always observing. Keep a bowl of water for the birds. They would like that we are helping the birds in the summers. It’s a good idea to include your kids in a kind gesture like charity. They will learn well even with small steps. 

3. Teaching equality: In today’s world, we all love our sons and daughters well and it’s a common saying that “we are bringing up our daughter like our son.” We teach our young daughters about good touch, bad touch and elder ones about what all to do to keep oneself safe. How many parents talk to their sons about consent? Also, are all of us 100% sure that the environment in our home gives equal respect and place to the men and women in the house or are women, though not openly disrespected maybe, always take second priority after the husbands and fathers? If so, we are unconsciously making them believe that the males are more important than females and that the latter have to adjust to accommodate former. 

4. Teaching respect: Kids will not learn how to respect others until the parents do not respect their elders AND their kids. My parents always referred to us as “Aap” and never “Tu” or “Tum”. Me and my sisters are following the same with the next generation and I hope they learn about respect the same way we did. 

5. Teaching discipline: Like I said above, following traffic rules; following school rules; maintaining a decent distance in queues; not disturbing neighbours in cinema halls; following a routine like early to bed and early to rise; all these and more will help them grow up as more responsible children. 

I’m not saying that all parents nowadays are not aware of their responsibilities towards their children, but maybe a culture has been ingrained deeply in us where we do not follow what we preach. Like they say, “Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. How about leaving better kids for our planet?” 

Parents: Rights and obligations!

In a landmark judgement, the Supreme Court recently has said that an unwed mother in India can become the sole legal guardian of a child without the consent of the father. This has sparked a debate on social media about the rights of the biological father when he does not marry the mother of his child for some reason.

I came across a gentleman who not only disagreed with the judgement but felt that irrespective of the situation, a biological father should have rights on the child and the mother should not only keep him updated but also take all important decisions related to the child in “consultation”. I felt just so angry listening to his views no matter how politely they were rendered. They were seething of male chauvinism. A man may choose not to fulfil any of his responsibilities but he still should enjoy the rights.

Also, I feel that Supreme Court should take a similar stand in case of divorced / separated parents where one parent, especially fathers, ceases to fulfil his / her duties. The schools, passport offices, government institutions still insist on Biological father's details in school even if the father has had nothing to do with the child, either socially or financially. They even insist on stating those details on ID Cards, Report Cards etc. as a permanent reminder to the child that he/she has a father who doesn't care at all for him/her. And let me tell you as a single mother of an 8-year old child whose father last saw her when she was 1 and half years old that it is very very frustrating for the child.

I firmly believe that one does not become a parent just by giving birth to a child. And mind you, I say parent and not father because this equally applies to both father and mother. A parent becomes a parent by living, breathing and existing as a parent - by providing the child with love, care, emotional and physical security, the sense of belongingness and the confidence of a support and a strong foundation. That's what makes adoptive parents as parents. And if biological parents cannot provide their child with that, they should have no right as a parent.

Addendum: July 2016

Recently, Delhi High Court ruled that a mother who is single-handedly bringing up her children can have their passports made without the father's name. However, the particulars of the case were very specific where the father of the child had abandoned the mother and child even before the birth of the child. The mother had since got all papers (birth certificate, school admission, etc.) done without fathers name. As it happens with all court judgements, the same is applied to only cases with exactly same circumstances.

However, there are still single parents (mostly mothers but also assume some fathers) who are in a similar situation where they are single-handedly bringing up their children without any presence (emotional, physical, social or financial) of the other parent in the child's life who are struggling to get the other parent's name off an existing passport. There is a plea to the government to modify the rules to accommodate such requests. Please sign the petition. It is a very genuine request more from the children rather than the parents. Every single parent child has a right to be associated with the parent who stood by him / her, be it the mother and the father.

A big shout out to the special needs parents!

Off late I have met a few special needs kids and have somehow read a few posts on the net about special needs kids and their parents (and I cringe to even think that writing posts about such a sensitive subject is one of the latest fads... I hope it's not!) There have been a few thoughts in my mind about that and I thought it best to put those down.

 To anyone reading this, I want to make it clear beforehand that I do not have any idea about what a special needs family goes through on a day-to-day basis. I can imagine that it's slightly difficult than what us all go through. But, I would just say that I feel the following about a special needs kid / parents and a 'typical' kid / parents:

1. I do feel that a special needs kid and a 'typical' kid is after all a kid first. (That's why I say 'typical' and not 'normal' because even a special needs kid is a normal kid.) It does not help to distinguish between the two or treat them any differently. Personally my interaction with a special needs kid is not much different than with a normal kid. I do not see the point in making them feel any different that others (not different, not special - just normal). Same goes with my interaction with their parents. They do not need any sympathy or a kind word. They love their kid just as much as we love ours and nobody sympathises with one for being a parent to a child. So, if someone thinks I was rude because I did not demonstrate enough empathy, please feel free to think that I am a heartless person. I have anyway never given two hoots for anybody's opinion about me.

2. I have been told that being a special needs parents is not easy. I feel that being a parent itself is not easy. I haven't seen a single kid that has come to this world with an instruction manual. We all learn as we embark on this journey. We deal with everyday experiences as parents. All kids - both special needs and 'typical' - go through good days and bad days, emotional turmoil, growing up pains, and everything imaginable in human existence. All parents feel angry, upset, tired, weak, cranky, irritated, exhausted at various times and it's okay. We come around anyway because we are parents and we love our kids.

3. People tell me that special needs parents learn to celebrate little milestones and achievements and everyday miracles. Trust me when I say that we all do that and special needs parents and other parents are not any different in their celebration of their kids. I cry all the time for my daughter - and I am not even the person who ever cried in any movie, novels, TV series etc. until my daughter was born. But now, I get emotional all the time. I cry all the time. My daughter's joys, her pain, her success, her failure, her insecurities, her confidence, her little accomplishments - I cry for all of them. Even the joys and sorrows of other kids like when I see reality shows in which kids are participating and those annual award giving ceremonies where I am surrounded by all proud parents - they all make me emotional. And its not any different for special needs parents. The only difference is in the thresholds of our expectations for our kids. Some have higher expectations and others have lower. But, again it is okay because it has nothing to do with whether the kid is special needs or 'typical'. Each kid is different anyway and the expectations too differ and should differ accordingly.

4. I am told that special needs parents suffer because they feel disappointed when they compare their kids with other kids. Let me be very clear on this one specially. It never helps to compare one's child to others. It's not only happening to special needs parents. It happens to almost all parents. Every parent feels disappointed about something or the other when they compare their kid to any other kid. That other kid is just as unique as your own. He / she is bound to have something that your kid doesn't just as your own kid is bound to have something unique that the other kids don't. My genuine advice is never compare your kid to any other kid. Celebrate your child's uniqueness and give them an environment to flourish without influencing them with anything that their peers do.

5. Special needs parents deal daily with grief which other parents know nothing about. This may be true to an extent. But, I want to say that it's okay too. I read somewhere that “Grieving the losses is not incompatible with celebrating the triumphs.” This is so true. And it's not like other parents don't have troubles of their own. Just like every child's gifts are unique, every parents troubles and griefs are unique too. Some parents struggle with daily routines for various reasons (lack of support, for instance) while some secretly mourn the childhood their child would not have. Then again there are others who leave their kids in the care of others so as to earn their daily breads and miss the simple childhood joys each child bestows on his / her parents. Let's not forget that life is a tightrope walk anyway and no matter what some people harp about, nobody in this world has it all. We all have our share of challenges. It's natural to have heartbreaks and sadness. We need to learn to acknowledge these feelings just as much as we acknowledge our joys and happiness. Give them time, let them settle and then move on. Who knows what's in store at the next corner on your journey of parenthood?

So, if the next time I am told that I should have been more 'sensitive' towards a special needs child and his / her parent, I will not mince my words to tell them that they are being 'insensitive' to them by treating them any differently than any of us. We talk about inclusion but inclusion is not about demonstrating empathy and politeness; inclusion is about completely ignoring the need for any empathy and politeness.

The Last Time!!

A beautiful poem by Taryn McLean:

Parent... Teacher... Learner...

The poem below was shared by my daughter's school. I found it really nice and meaningful, so sharing it here.


Being a parent has been a journey
A journey of teaching
A journey of learning
A journey of re-discovering myself

I know I have so much more……
So much more to explore
So much more to share
So much more of myself to give

I seek to find a new path to learning……
Learning to be a better guide
Learning to be a better friend
Learning to be a better role model.

I am a Parent …I am a Teacher…. I am a Learner

There is a teacher in every parent
There is a learner in every parent
Parenting… the journey of learning and teaching

From frustrated to fiercely independent!!

I have evolved greatly as a person over the last few years. It has not been an easy journey, but, I am happy about the way I have handled it. I am proud of where I have reached but I have faith in where I can go.

Being in a bad relationship is not easy. You cannot decide whether you should stick on or let go. The decision is especially difficult when you have kids. You tend to continue and hold on for their sake. This can be very frustrating - actually very very very frustrating. And then comes a blow that breaks everything apart. The oft quoted 'final straw' is gone and you are forced to choose.

Choose between the socially acceptable and familiar but miserable life or the unknown, unfamiliar and maybe socially stigmatised life. I would say a very very difficult decision to make. In my case I chose the latter. Somehow the decision was entirely guided by what was best for my child and yet it was against what the society would have considered best for her.

I asked myself, "what would be better for her - growing up in peace with a single caring parent even if society asks a few uncomfortable questions or growing up in a strife engulfed household with an uncaring father and a frustrated and depressed mother always arguing and bickering even if the society thinks all is hunky dory?"

I decided in favour of former but not without giving the latter a chance. Friends and Family felt that I should try working out a reconciliation. Went in for mediation. I tried, he didn't, I was done.

People said it wasn't going to be easy. I said, "Okay, maybe not. But I am determined to make it happen." I decided that other people's opinion needn't become my destiny. My father said to me, "My child, never ever under any circumstances, give up on life. Because when the going gets tough, only the tough get going." I was determined to make him proud of me. I hope I have and I continue to do so.

I have since moved from frustrated to independent to fiercely independent. I have learned to take life head on and fight it out. I have faltered at times. True. But, then, life is like a boxing ring. It's not the one who falls down who loses but the one who falls and fails to get up.

I don't say I have never made mistakes nor do I guarantee that I won't do so in future. Life doesn't come with a set of instructions, after all. But I guarantee that I don't intend to go down without a fight. That I am sure of.

The price of children!!!

The US government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle-income family.

But $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down.

It translates into:

• $8,896.66 a year 
• $741.38 a month 
• $171.08 a week. 
• A mere $24.24 a day! 
• Just over a dollar an hour. 

Still, you might think the best financial advice is: Don't have children if you want to be 'rich.'
Actually, it is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140.00?

• Naming rights. First, middle, and last! 
• Glimpses of God every day 
• Giggles under the covers every night 
• More love than your heart can hold 
• Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs 
• Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies. 
• A hand to hold usually covered with jelly or chocolate 
• A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites 
• Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day 
• You get to: 
• Finger-paint, 
• Carve pumpkins, 
• Play hide-and-seek, 
• Catch lightning bugs 
• For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up 
• Keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh 
• Watch Saturday morning cartoons 
• Go to Disney movies 
• And wish on stars 
• You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day 

For a mere $24.24 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for:

• Retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof 
• Taking the training wheels off a bike 
• Removing a splinter 
• Filling a wading pool 
• Coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs 
• And coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless 

You get a front row seat in history to witness the:

• First step 
• First word 
• First date 
• First time behind the wheel 

You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God.

You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits - so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

That is quite a deal for the price !!!

Love and enjoy your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren!!!

It's the best investment you'll ever make !!!

Magical Nature Alphabet - Baby / Children's educational video

This is a really good video I came across on youtube. It helps the children learn the alphabet all the while growing closer to the nature.

Magical Nature Alphabet - Baby / Children's educational video

Accepting your child's mistakes

One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children’s mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don’t find too many mistake-free periods of their children’s lives.

Let’s be clear about our kids and their mistakes. There aren’t too many kids who get up in the morning, rub their hands together and say, “I wonder how I can screw up today and really bother my dad!” Kids don’t enjoy or want to make mistakes; it’s just one of the ways that they learn about the world.

Kids usually try to do their best; it’s just that they are doing their best considering the resources that they have at the time. Sometimes they’re tired, sometimes they’re easily distracted, and sometimes they’re strong-willed, but they generally do the best that they can. It’s very easy for us to judge them according to standards of what they’ve done before.

When our kids make mistakes, we have choices to make. Fathers can either make choices that help to create kids who are defensive and who lie to them ... or they can make choices that help to create kids who can learn from their mistakes and improve upon them.

Kids who fear punishment or the loss of love in response to their mistakes learn to hide their mistakes. These children live in two different places—one place where they have the love and support of their father (parents), and another where they feel that if their mistakes were discovered, they would be undeserving of that love. It is hard for these kids to fully accept their parents’ love and support even when it is expressed. It is also difficult for these kids to set high standards for themselves, because they tend to be fearful of failing.

These are some ideas for fathers who are committed to helping create kids who can learn from their mistakes, and who are not afraid of making a few:

Absolutely accept the notion that your kids are doing their best, and that they will learn faster about their mistakes if they are in an environment that accepts mistakes.

Understand that your difficulty with your kids’ mistakes is in fact a reflection of your difficulty dealing with your own mistakes; be aware of this and deal with your own issues first.

Know the “shaming” messages that we can all give so easily to our kids—messages that can do a lot of damage to them and help them to feel unworthy. Here’s a few of them:

* How could you have done that?
* You don’t listen to me!
* You can do better than hat!
* What’s the matter with you?

Keep providing your kids with learning experiences, but at the same time structure their environment so they can’t make too many mistakes (having expensive glassware around the house where children might break it is not their fault).

Provide a great model for your children by the way you react to making mistakes: do you get defensive and stretch the truth, or do you “own” the mistake and learn something from it? Create a “culture” that is based on learning from mistakes.

We have only one chance to show our kids the patience and discipline necessary to allow them to learn from the mistakes that we’ve all made. Your opportunity to improve just started now; give your kids the room that they need and deserve.
Adapted from Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is a certified personal coach, father, speaker, and workshop leader who helps men to create balance in their lives and to improve their family relationships. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers”

P.S. Special thanks to Smita for sharing the wonderful article on a forum about Pre-schoolers.

Tools for getting through to your Preschooler

Preschoolers amaze us. They are learning so much so quickly, trying to make sense of the world around them.

Preschoolers’ conversations are fascinating as they try to piece information together: looking for the sugar bugs on their teeth after they eat candy; insisting that Mommy go to time-out when Mommy makes them mad; explaining that they can’t start kindergarten yet because they didn’t meet the “dead lion” (deadline).

Preschoolers are also challenging, because they think so differently. They are often oppositional, impulsive, self-centered, inflexible and illogical—especially when upset. They have narrow and literal understanding of the meaning of words and figures of speech. Sometimes it seems adults and preschoolers are speaking different languages. Preschoolers’ actions and behavior usually make ages two through four the hardest for fathers to predict and understand.

In a typical situation, you might tell your preschooler to clean up his room, and he refuses. You tell him he’s the one who made the mess, and he argues the point, insisting that it was his 4-month-old baby brother who left everything out. Or he says he can’t clean up because his hand is too tired—a complaint accompanied by a dramatic collapse on the floor and a plea that you help. You feel confused, annoyed and clueless about what to do.

A preschooler says “no” to many requests and directions. When you insist, he will often become defiant and may get stuck in rigidity that he can’t get out of on his own. If you get rigid in response—“You spilled the water on the floor, so you will clean it up or no TV today”—your preschooler’s reaction can easily escalate to extreme frustration and anger—expressed verbally (“You’re a mean, stupid daddy!”) or physically (hitting dad with the water cup).

When your child is stuck on “no,” you might get annoyed with him and make threats or force him to cooperate. Then the attitude of opposition that normally recedes by kindergarten can get entrenched in his behavior.

Giving in and cleaning up the water yourself is not the solution, because your child must learn not to constantly challenge, disrespect and disregard your authority. If he doesn’t listen now, what will happen when he becomes a teenager?

Here are six important strategies for success:

1. Phrase your directions so they sound fun and/or interesting. “Pretty soon, it’s going to be time to make some holes in the paper cup so we can take it in your bath and play.” If you can’t come up with anything, you can emphasize something he can look forward to doing when he’s done brushing his teeth. Or try having his toys “talk” to him: “I don’t want to lie on the rug. I want to be in the box with my friends, the green and blue Duplos.” Preschoolers love that. You only need to do this about half the time. He often can’t stop himself from saying no, but you can help the “no” to dissolve and become a “yes” by making it easy for him to cooperate.

2. It’s also important to watch how you phrase your directions to preschoolers. Many parents say something like, “How about picking up your toys?” or, “Do you want to come inside now?” when it’s not really a choice. Preschoolers are so literal that they hear it as a question, which they answer with “no.” Phrase it as a fun and/or interesting request, not as a question.

3. When you want your preschoolers to do what you ask, giving advance notice is respectful and effective: “In a little while, it will be time to ...”

4. It’s best to have routines and regular times for dressing, eating, tooth-brushing, toy pickup, TV watching, bed, etc, to reduce continual limit-testing.

5. Spend one-on-one time with your preschooler regularly—at least weekly—doing something that’s fun for both of you. She should know you’re doing it just because you enjoy her company. This is like putting money in the bank to draw on when you want her cooperation.

6. A preschooler needs enough sleep at regular times—12 hours for a three-year-old, 11½ hours for a four-year-old, 11 hours for a five-year-old. Falling short by more than an hour is a problem. Insufficient sleep triggers defiant and moody behavior. He also needs about an hour a day of heart-pounding exercise (running after a soccer ball, biking, jumping, etc.). Sleep, exercise and regular meals and snacks are essential to enable kids to control themselves better. You can help them develop these important habits.

Your preschooler needs special handling and understanding. Adapting your approach to fit his or her capabilities helps make family life happier and more satisfying. And don’t fear that you’ll need to “make it fun” forever. As children become kindergarten age, they become more rational and logical, responding to reasoning more often. Preschoolers are delightful and amazing. Enjoy them.

Adapted from Annye Rothenberg, Ph.D., author, has been a child/parent psychologist and a specialist in childrearing and development of young children for more than 25 years. Her parenting psychology practice is in Emerald Hills, California. She is also on the adjunct faculty in paediatrics at Stanford University School of Medicine. Dr. Rothenberg is the author of the award-winning book, “Mommy and Daddy are Always Supposed to Say Yes ... Aren’t They?” and her most recent book, “Why Do I Have To?”

P.S. Special thanks to Smita for sharing the wonderful article on a forum about Pre-schoolers.

What is better for little girls: All-girls School vs. Co-educational School

Another favourite discussion on a forum about Pre-schoolers of which I happen to be a member, where parents are concerned, is what kind of school is better for little girls – All-girls Schools or Co-educational Schools? It is believed that sending the child to an all-girls school may mar her personality as there could be a mental block for opposite sex. I personally feel that the difference is marginal provided the schools are good reputed ones with good visions, healthy environments, and focus on good education and holistic development of the child.

I myself am a product of an all-girls school where I have studied for 14 long years along with most other girls in my family and extended family. All of us are well-placed in careers ranging from CA, B.Tech, MBBS, MBA and fine arts. I have personally never felt any kind of blockage towards opposite sex in myself and my sisters/cousins. But my personal viewpoint is that a lot of it depends on the upbringing and how liberal your family is. I have also seen cases where girls from Co-ed are actually more shy and submissive. My close friend did her entire education from a very well-known Co-ed school and although is very hip otherwise but is not at all confident in front of the opposite sex. She happens to be a housewife right now because her family (Parental as well as in-laws) don’t like the girls in their family working. So the point is that how the personality of the girls shape up depends more on the family background than on the fact whether the school is Co-ed or not. If at all that matters, it is reflected in the mannerisms. The girls in Co-eds actually carry themselves off beautifully and gracefully because they are always aware that the opposite sex is watching them. Often the girls from girl’s school turn out to be tomboyish especially if there are no boys in the family. But then, one can always see after a few years how the girls are turning out to be and decide to change when she is in 8th or 9th standard.

Do AC schools make kids delicate little angels and sturdy enough?

I am part of a few forums and in one of these an interesting discussion was taking place. This particular forum caters to parents focussed on the schooling and upbringing of their kids. One member invited views from fellow members by posing a question: “Do you take that AC schools make kids a delicate little angel and not sturdy rough tough?” I would like to reproduce my and one of my fellow member’s views on the same over here.

Although all replies were in the positive with parents agreeing that AC school culture does make a child dependent on these luxuries (nowadays termed as necessities). One good answer came from a member called Anita* who commented:

“I agree with Vinod* when he says that if we provide these facilities they would become necessity and not luxury. Moreover, luxury should be earned by oneself rather than enjoyed at the expense of another, and then only one can understand the value of that 'luxury'.

If we don't expose our child to the harsh realities, be it weather or practical world, but cocooned in the protective environ, then I am sure they will grow up with the fear of not living without them rather than take challenge and risk in life to achieve greater heights.

I second Sushant* that we should better utilize our resources on giving wide and varying knowledge and experience to our children instead of fruitless luxury.”

My reply to the issue was as follows:

I second Anita but I also believe that the same applies to home. We have homes where kids sit all day with ACs switched on, they do nothing except watching TVs, playing on computers and playstations. If our kids go to schools, markets or anywhere else, they travel in cars with their ACs switched on. Working parents holding guilt in their hearts for not being able to spend time with the kids, wash off their guilt by pampering their kids and fulfilling all their whims and fancies so much so that the kids don't even learn to take a "NO" for an answer. School kids these days have flashy laptops and mobiles. Teenagers spend lavishly on pubs, nightclubs and discos.

Gone are the days when kids were encouraged to go to the market and buy small things on their own (although some parents chose to watch them from a distance, like mine), walk to the tuitions/friends' homes. The summer vacations used to be full of kids with their bicycles, badminton rackets, cricket bats scattered over every by-lane in the city. TV was restricted to 3-4 hours in a day (and surprisingly no child-locks in the TV were necessitated). Books used to be our best friends and authors like Enid Blyton, Ruskin Bond and Edward Stratemeyer (remember Nancy Drew) were household names, and unlike JK Rowling, they did not discuss teenage romance, first crushes and first kisses in their books.

I myself belong to a family where we were encouraged to take up these activities despite a lack of formal sports education in school. Even otherwise, my school (St. Thomas' School) believed that all human beings are equal no matter what work they do and they tried to inculcate the philosophy in the kids in a no. of ways. So even though there were fourth class staff aplenty in school, the kids had to dust and sweep their classrooms themselves turn-by-turn.

I think with AC schools mushrooming everywhere and parents having a "luxury turning to comforts turning to necessity" approach in their lives we are losing touch with our base/roots where we have grown up as individuals fit enough to face the fierce competitive world ahead.

Then again someone asked me whether it’s not necessary to change with changing times to which I replied:

I agree that we have to change with changing times but it is also essential that we retain the positive points from the era gone by. Comforts should be taken as comforts and should not be mitigated for necessities.

The activities that we have taken up during our childhood like cycling, badminton, reading books have made us active and socially aware persons that we are today. And I would like to see my daughter excel over me. If Noddy cartoons are substituting for Noddy books, my purpose is defeated.

Technology should be embraced, globalisation acknowledged and accepted but all said and done, the kids need to be self-confident and independent when they grow up. These qualities are inculcated in childhood from minor things like encouraging the kids to go buy small items from shops and talk to the shopkeeper themselves, buying metro/movie tickets themselves, etc. By encouraging the kids to walk to the market you make them capable of handling emergency situations where god forbid maybe no mode of conveyance is available. If he/she is self-confident, he/she can manage to get a public conveyance, find a way home even. Of course, I am not referring to the infants, but the process has to start right from the beginning itself. When they are older, they may venture out of homes for further education/careers where they have to live in hostels and/or PG arrangements. How does one ensure that these comforts will always be available to them. My sister is doing MBBS and lives in a hostel without airconditioners/coolers and refrigerators. I myself am a professional who have to visit clients and am totally aware that these comforts cannot be provided in all companies where we may have to work. If they are there, good, if not, it doesn't matter. And we are thankful to our parents that they have taught us to deal with such situations.

Although my daughter goes to an AC playschool, the fact that the school was an AC was not the basis for my selection. I selected it for the sole reason that I found the environment and course curriculum better than other playschools in my area. Then again, I make sure that my daughter does not switch on the AC at home during the day. It is allowed only at bedtime. This is to ensure that comfort remains a comfort.

* names changed.