Trivialising 'Rape': The joke's on us!

Salman Khan has stirred up a controversy again. In a recent interview where he wanted to publicise his upcoming movie Sultan, he had this to say about the rigorous training schedule he followed, "When I used to walk out of the ring, after the shoot, I used to feel like a raped woman. I couldn’t walk straight. I would eat and then, head right back to training. That couldn’t stop."

This is one of the most disgusting statements I have heard. The trauma, the stigma, the feeling of desperateness and invasion of privacy, and the humiliation that comes with being a rape survivor is something no one can understand, least of all a privileged rich brat with a history of abuse and other criminal offences. Rape jokes aren't funny, nor is using the word raped as an adjective for a training that he chose to do in a film that will only make money for him and get him more fanatical respect from his fans, neither of which he actually deserves.

He did not stop there as he continued to describe "women" as a "vice" he is unable to quit. "Leave every second vice in your list – that’s the mantra I follow. And I have left everything one by one. When it was between coffee and cigarettes, I quit coffee. Between cigarettes and drinks, I quit the stick. Between the drinks and women, I have chosen women. Ab iske baad duniya chhod do." How saintly is that? Leaving all "vices" except "women"? But then you can't expect anything better from Salman Khan. After all he is a brain-dead, woman beating, human and animal killer who thrives on egotism of being worshipped as a cult. He's only being human. He's the Bhai. He's special.

And guess what? There are still thousands of fans out there who are justifying his statement; a disgusting statement for which he did not even apologize. His father apologized on his behalf saying he has been misunderstood. He has definitely been misunderstood by his fans who fail to see what a prick he is. People who think that Salman Khan is really just a misunderstood adorable pumpkin. They think that Salman bhai is embroiled in controversy yet again because the media has nothing better to do except call out problematic statements by influential stars. Them, jobless media people. While the world may be against this adorable fluffy little unicorn, who graces the world with his unmatched wisdom every time he opens his mouth, they totally support him. No matter what happens, these people are going to stand by him. Good idea... Because standing in front of him might get them killed.

But then, is it only about Salman Khan? Are the people around us any better? May be not all of them are sexist and misogynist little chums but there are definitely many people - both men and women - who trivialise grave issues like rape. Our politicians are living examples as they time and again come up with awesome examples of senseless and insensitive comments about rape. And why only them? There are many instances where the educated young people have trivialised rape.

I remember the Brazil vs Germany football match on 8 July 2014 at the Estádio Mineirão in Belo Horizonte, Brazil where Germany crushed Brazil with a 7-1 defeat. The match was such a shocker. However, for me, the dismay wasn’t because Brazil lost (it’s only a game after all, and countries win and lose all the time; it’s nothing new), it was more so due to the reaction elicited among many fans, especially over social media. They went so far as to state the most despicable of all metaphors in existence, "Germany raped Brazil". This inappropriate metaphor was especially ubiquitous over Twitter, where many people unabashedly and deliberately used the term rape over and over again. One only had to type the aforementioned phrase in the search bar to be suddenly bombarded with hundreds and thousands of repugnant tweets. And the most insensitive ones were followed by laughing smileys and "HAHAHA"s. What was more disturbing was how very liberal and educated and thinking people went about sharing these jokes and metaphors which seemed to make rape seem lighthearted and funny.

Don't we all need to retain some perspective? Rape is never funny. It's a barbaric act of violence against someone. For days the question kept bothering me - since when did rape become a referral to something good? Something positive? I understood that the people who used this reference meant to use it in the context that it was intended to be used; to mean that Germany was so good, talented and so powerful that they "raped" Brazil, which obviously meant that Brazil was the "weaker" team. After all, isn’t that exactly how "being raped" works? A powerful individual forces himself on a weaker individual, snatching and taking whatever he wants using threats and violence, leaving the victim helpless and humiliated.

What was and is even more disconcerting is that there are many who completely dismiss this crude metaphor by calling it a mere "joke" and making it seem like "it’s not a big deal" at all. How is it not a big deal when sexual violence, especially against women, is highly prevalent in the entire world? Every country of the world can demonstrate shameful statistics for sexual assaults against one half of their society. How much more repulsive does this need to get? 

I personally believe that the issue with people using the term "rape" so carelessly and heartlessly - as a joke or a metaphor or an adjective - is that they either aren’t aware or have deliberately turned a blind eye to the poignant problem of the prevailing rape culture and the fact that it's not only prevalent in India but all over the world. Rape is not a joke and should never be treated as such. So, to all you people who constantly use or have used the term "rape" to refer to something "positive", don’t use it! It’s not funny and it does not by any means sound cool. It also certainly does not demonstrate the "hard work that you need to put into something". You can argue all you want and tell me that rape in the contexts used as above doesn’t sound bad, but the truth is that it does. It sounds very ugly and dehumanising. Besides, there are far better and more appropriate words that could have been used instead to describe Germany's win against Brazil or the agonising drill Salman Khan had to go through. Rape, however, is not and never will be one of them.

Why I Give: Warren Buffett

In 2006, I made a commitment to gradually give all of my Berkshire Hathaway stock to philanthropic foundations. I couldn't be happier with that decision.

Now, Bill and Melinda Gates and I are asking hundreds of rich Americans to pledge at least 50% of their wealth to charity. So I think it is fitting that I reiterate my intentions and explain the thinking that lies behind them.

First, my pledge: More than 99% of my wealth will go to philanthropy during my lifetime or at death. Measured by dollars, this commitment is large. In a comparative sense, though, many individuals give more to others every day.

Millions of people who regularly contribute to churches, schools, and other organizations thereby relinquish the use of funds that would otherwise benefit their own families. The dollars these people drop into a collection plate or give to United Way mean forgone movies, dinners out, or other personal pleasures. In contrast, my family and I will give up nothing we need or want by fulfilling this 99% pledge.

Moreover, this pledge does not leave me contributing the most precious asset, which is time. Many people, including -- I'm proud to say -- my three children, give extensively of their own time and talents to help others. Gifts of this kind often prove far more valuable than money. A struggling child, befriended and nurtured by a caring mentor, receives a gift whose value far exceeds what can be bestowed by a check. My sister, Doris, extends significant person-to-person help daily. I've done little of this.

What I can do, however, is to take a pile of Berkshire Hathaway stock certificates -- "claim checks" that when converted to cash can command far-ranging resources -- and commit them to benefit others who, through the luck of the draw, have received the short straws in life. To date about 20% of my shares have been distributed (including shares given by my late wife, Susan Buffett). I will continue to annually distribute about 4% of the shares I retain. At the latest, the proceeds from all of my Berkshire shares will be expended for philanthropic purposes by 10 years after my estate is settled. Nothing will go to endowments; I want the money spent on current needs.

This pledge will leave my lifestyle untouched and that of my children as well. They have already received significant sums for their personal use and will receive more in the future. They live comfortable and productive lives. And I will continue to live in a manner that gives me everything that I could possibly want in life.

Some material things make my life more enjoyable; many, however, would not. I like having an expensive private plane, but owning a half-dozen homes would be a burden. Too often, a vast collection of possessions ends up possessing its owner. The asset I most value, aside from health, is interesting, diverse, and long-standing friends.

My wealth has come from a combination of living in America, some lucky genes, and compound interest. Both my children and I won what I call the ovarian lottery. (For starters, the odds against my 1930 birth taking place in the U.S. were at least 30 to 1. My being male and white also removed huge obstacles that a majority of Americans then faced.) My luck was accentuated by my living in a market system that sometimes produces distorted results, though overall it serves our country well. I've worked in an economy that rewards someone who saves the lives of others on a battlefield with a medal, rewards a great teacher with thank-you notes from parents, but rewards those who can detect the mispricing of securities with sums reaching into the billions. In short, fate's distribution of long straws is wildly capricious.

The reaction of my family and me to our extraordinary good fortune is not guilt, but rather gratitude. Were we to use more than 1% of my claim checks on ourselves, neither our happiness nor our well-being would be enhanced. In contrast, that remaining 99% can have a huge effect on the health and welfare of others. That reality sets an obvious course for me and my family: Keep all we can conceivably need and distribute the rest to society, for its needs. My pledge starts us down that course.

(Source: http://givingpledge.org/#warren_buffett)

Speech by Chetan Bhagat at Symbiosis...

Don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful since 'Balanced' means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in that good order. 

There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions. 

"Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die. 

One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? 

It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices.

"Don't be serious, be sincere."!   

Note: This post includes extracts from the Inaugural Speech for the new batch at the Symbiosis BBA program, Pune on June 23, 2008 By Chetan Bhagat

An inspiring interview by Neera Chopra, the mother of Miss India World 2009, Pooja Chopra

This one is a really inspiring interview by Neera Chopra, who is the mother of Miss India World 2009, Pooja Chopra. Please read on:

My husband threw us out: Neera Chopra

Neera Chopra lived through abuse, poverty and some tough choices to make her once-unwanted girl child, Pooja Chopra, the Pantaloons Femina Miss India-World she is today.

I don’t know where to begin... they were terrible times. My husband was well-placed, but the marriage had begun to sink almost as soon as it began. Like most women do, I tried to work against all the odds. My in-laws insisted everything would be alright if I had a son. My first child was a daughter, and that didn’t do me any good... but I couldn’t walk out. I had lost my father, my brother was in a not-so-senior position in Bata. I didn’t want to be a burden on my family and continued to live in my marital home in Kolkata.

I looked after my mother-in-law, who was suffering from cancer, and while bathing her, I would tell myself she would bless me and put things right. I don’t know how I tolerated it all. The least a man can do, if he must philander, is to not flaunt his women in his wife’s face. Then began the manhandling. I still wanted my marriage to survive. I was a pure vegetarian and learnt to cook non-vegetarian delicacies thinking it would please him.

Then, I was pregnant again. When Pooja was eight months in my womb, my husband brought a girl to the house and announced he would marry her. I thought of killing myself. I hung on the slight hope that if the baby was a boy, my marriage could be saved.

When Pooja was born a girl, for three days, nobody came to the hospital. There was a squadron leader’s wife on the opposite bed, who was kind enough to give me baby clothes for Pooja to wear. When she was 20 days old, I had to make a choice.

I left the house with my girls — Pooja and Shubra, who was seven then. I haven’t seen my husband since. I promised myself, even if we had just one roti, we would share it, but together. I began life in Mumbai with the support of my mother, brother, who was by then married. It wasn’t the ideal situation, especially when he had children — space, money, everything was short.

I began work at the Taj Colaba and got my own place. How did I manage? Truth be told, I would put a chatai on the floor, leave two glasses of milk and some food, and bolt the door from outside before going to work. I would leave the key with the neighbours and tell the kids to shout out to them when it was time to leave for school. Their tiny hands would do homework on their own, feed themselves on days that I worked late. My elder daughter Shubhra would make Pooja do her corrections...

This is how they grew up. At a birthday party, Pooja would not eat her piece of cake, but pack it and bring it home to share with her sister. When Shubhra started working, she would skip lunch and pack a chicken sandwich that she would slip in her sister’s lunchbox the next day. I used to pray, “God, punish me for my karma, but not my innocent little kids. Please let me provide them the basics.” I used to struggle for shoes, socks, uniforms.

I was living in Bangur Nagar, Goregaon. Pooja would walk four bus stops down to the St Thomas Academy. Then, too little to cross the road, she would ask a passerby to help her. I had to save the bus money to be able to put some milk in their bodies.

Life began to change when I got a job for Rs 6,000 at the then Goa Penta. Mr Chhabra, the owner, and his wife, were kind enough to provide a loan for me. I sent my daughters to my sister’s house in Pune, with my mother as support. I spent four years working in Goa while I saved to buy a small one-bedroom house in Pune (where the family still lives). I would work 16-18 hours a day, not even taking weekly offs to accumulate leave and visit my daughters three or four times a year.

Once I bought my house and found a job in Pune, life began to settle. I worked in Hotel Blue Diamond for a year and then finally joined Mainland China — which changed my life. The consideration of the team and management brought me the stability to bring them up, despite late hours and the travelling a hotelier must do. Shubhra got a job in Hotel Blue Diamond, being the youngest employee there while still in college, and managed to finish her Masters in commerce and her BBM. Today, she is married to a sweet Catholic boy who is in the Merchant Navy and has a sweet daughter.

I continue to finish my day job and come home and take tuitions, as I have done for all these years. I also do all my household chores myself. Through the years, Shubhra has been my anchor and Pooja, the rock. Pooja’s tiny hands have wiped away my tears when I broke down. She has stood up for me, when I couldn’t speak for myself. Academically brilliant, she participated in all extra-curricular activities. When she needed high heels to model in, she did odd shows and bought them for herself.

When I saw Pooja give her speech on TV, I knew it came from her heart. I could see the twinkle in her eye. And I thought to myself as she won “My God, this is my little girl.” God was trying to tell me something.

Today, I’ve no regrets. I believe every cloud has a silver lining. As a mother, I’ve done nothing great.

‘I won due to my mother’s karma’

Pantaloons Femina Miss India Pooja Chopra’s mother promised ‘One day, this girl will make me proud’. Pooja speaks on fulfilling that promise... When I was 20 days old, my mother was asked to make a choice. It was either me — a girl child, or her husband. She chose me. As she walked out she turned around and told her husband, ‘One day, this girl will make me proud’. That day has come. Her husband went on to marry a woman who gave him two sons. Today, as I stand here a Miss India, I don’t even know if my father knows that it is me, his daughter, who has set out to conquer the world, a crown on my head. Our lives have not been easy, least so for my mother. Financially, emotionally, she struggled to stay afloat, to keep her job and yet allow us to be the best that we could be. I was given only one condition when I started modelling — my grades wouldn’t drop.

All the girls in the pageant worked hard, but my edge was my mother’s sacrifice, her karma. Today, when people call to congratulate me, it’s not me they pay tribute to, but to her life and her struggle. She’s the true Woman of Substance. She is my light, my mentor, my driving force. My win was merely God’s way of compensating her.