Change - first and foremost in mindsets

Over the last few days, post the Delhi brutal gangrape case, we have been able to get an idea around how even in today's world, the male members of our society in India still consider the womenfolk as a second grade citizens of this country. When Malala Yousafzai was attacked by the Afghan Taliban, we were quick and sharp in pointing out that the incident is barbaric and how Taliban is trying to opress the womenfolk in Afghanistan.

Then, when a Delhi girl is raped and brutally assaulted, the highly regarded male members of the Indian society come out in the open and shamelessly display their hypocrisy. Be it self-proclaimed Godman Asaram Bapu who claimed that the victim is equally guilty as she did not beg the rapists to spare her and did not address them as "bhaiya" (brother); or be it Mr. Sharad Pawar who bashfully declares that all males have a sexual need which should be fulfilled at least every 15 days, else such incidents might take place; or even one of our esteemed courts who recently ruled that forcing someone into prostitution is not equivalent to abetment to rape; we have witnessed such a spate of reports and statements giving us sheer examples of orthodox male dominance. We hear reports about proposals to ban jeans / skirts in schools and colleges. We even heard someone suggesting overcoats to be made compulsory for girls elsewhere. What is this? Is this not equivalent to imposing burqas and head veils on women? It makes me think whether India is heading for some kind of non-religious Talibanism to say in the least. In fact, for every male supporter of equal female rights, we have about 3-4 voices of orthodox male chauvinists.

Then, I came across this picture of Nelson Mandela and his beautiful words and I can't help thinking that the same logic applies to gender bias. Just like no one is born with hatred or discrimination for people on the basis of caste, colour and creed; no one was born with a gender bias. It is the same society that has engraved this in its own DNA. The upbringing the kids are provided at home is responsible for this mindsets. Every day, we shout out and demand protection for women, and reservation for women. Why do we not instead discuss respect and equality for women. We worship our deities and call our daughters and sisters as "Lakshmi" but in practice we do not have basic respect for the females.

Let us first work to change the mindsets. It is a humongous task ahead but we will not be able to bring about the change we want to bring without taking the first step towards the right mindset. And that step begins within our own homes.

Have a hopeful New Year 2013!!

"There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realize there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on."

Yes, 2012 did not end on a happy note. But, it rocked us enough towards the end and leaves us with a hope that we all will carve a better 2013 and a better future for ourselves and our generations to come. No female will ever be afraid to live with her head held high then.

Wish everyone a very optimistic and hopeful New Year 2013!!

Tribute to "Braveheart"

In response to my first post regarding the Delhi Gangrape, a friend of mine, Meenal Sarda, wrote to me regarding how initially she also felt the same but her feelings changed when she read in the newspapers that she had written to her mother that she wants to live.

I must confess that even my heart broke when I read about her death. My heart goes out to her and her family and I pray to God to give them peace and solace.

I would like to reproduce here what my friend had written to me. I find it very beautiful and very expressive. Hope all my friends like what she had written to me. Thanks Meenal for such an inspiring mail.

When I first read the news about the gangrape and comprehended, with shock and horror, what the girl had been subjected to, my reaction was similar. I thought- how can this girl now live, without intestines and on intravenous fluids all her life. Somewhere, I also silently prayed that God would relieve her of the constant suffering and pain and let her rest in peace.


But then I read in the newspaper that she wrote a note to her mother - I want to live. And that changed my perspective. Who would know better than that girl the pain that she would have to undergo, the condition in which she would be everyday, the challenges that she would have to face for the rest of her life? And yet she wanted to live. If that was the case, things would have worked out somehow, maybe a transplant, maybe artificial support would have made her life easier. It doesn't matter how, but if she wanted to live, she should live. And so I kept hoping against hope that somehow, she would survive. I find it all the more heartbreaking now that her wish was not fulfilled, that though her spirit was very strong and was fighting till the very end, her body gave up....

I agree with many things that are being demanded by the protestors- capital punishment for rapists (this being a rarest of rare case), stricter laws, fast track courts etc. This is definitely a law and order issue- if there is no deterrant for a rapist, what will stop him or someone else from raping again.

But more than all of this, it is very much a social issue. It is the deeply imbedded attitude of society against women that is at the root of all this. One of the most disturbing facts I found about the incident is the testimony of one of the accused, who said that they wanted to 'teach her a lesson' for speaking up against the men to protect her friend. Men, no matter what education, profession etc, feel it is their birth right to teach lessons to women. Society, at large, wants to control everything about women and girls- how women dress, how they eat, what they can and cannot do, where they can go or not, when they get married, when they have kids etc etc. Rape is also about control and power. It is about showing who is the one with power.

Another disturbing aspect is the issue of 'honour'. I have never understood why women are the custodians of the family honour- maybe this is another way of restricting their movements and keeping checks on them. When a woman is raped, she is 'dishonoured', her family loses its honour. Why? Should it not be the man who should be dishonoured and his family who should be hanging their heads in shame?

It also gets assumed that somehow the woman must be at fault, she must have done something to deserve this. As for the man, it is never his fault. 'Men will be men'.

Ads, films, TV serials, songs- all these propagate these norms and contribute towards the problem. But that is the subject of another long write-up.

The only positive in the entire incident is the fact that people have taken up the cause and are demanding justice in a united way. Ofcourse, there are people with political affiliations that join the crowds and try to create trouble. But these are far outnumbered by peaceful protestors and people who are there simply because they want things to change.

And no matter how long it takes or how difficult the challenges, change they must.