When Humanity died...

Yes, you guessed it right. This post is about the barbaric attack on a school in Peshawar by Taliban. And I have no words to even condemn it. I had tears in my eyes when I read the newspaper this morning. My emotions brim out when I read people condemning it on social media. No, there are no words that can say in exact terms how so very cowardly and condemnable the attack is.

Yesterday in the middle of a day long training, I opened Facebook on my phone for a breather and saw updates from people condemning the Taliban attack on a school in Peshawar. I instantly felt nauseated. But, then I did not have the luxury to dwell upon it yesterday. Then, in the evening there were messages from concerned mother's of my daughter's school mates questioning whether they should talk to the school authorities to brace up security to tackle such insane attacks. I was surprised. I could understand that they were also affected by the news, but what my mind could not understand - can never understand - is how can one be prepared for such an attack. How can one even imagine such barbarianism from anyone?

Children are the most innocent souls in the world. Does that make them easy targets? Probably yes. And these religious fanatics? Does their religion tell them to kill children? If for one instance, I even believe that all their 'Jihad' is the word of God, or their Prophet, and they should kill all 'Kafirs', I still don't understand how children could be branded as 'Kafirs'.

I am deeply disturbed. It matters not whether they were Pakistani, or Muslims, or Mujahids, or kids of the same army personnel who have fought against my own country. What matters is that they were kids. They didn't know any better. They didn't even understand your war. They deserved to know more, to grow up, to see the world, to see life, to bring smiles to their parents, to make them proud, to... well, I can go on. But, the words that ring in my mind are that they will never come back to their parents now. And their grades won't matter, and their little mischiefs would be deeply missed, and their loud noises will never be required to be suppressed, and their shrieks of laughter will never break the silence of their homes, and everything will go on in the world and Talibans war will continue but the lives of their parents would be forever incomplete.

It's true when they say: "The smallest coffins are the HEAVIEST!"

Pathetic Customer Service by Snapdeal

This is w.r.t. an order I placed with you (Order # 3609980226). I placed this order on Nov 17, 2014 and the confirmation said that the estimated delivery date was Nov 24, 2014. (I must confess this was far longer than my expectation since your contemporaries like Flipkart and Amazon India take much shorter delivery duration, max. 4-5 days for the same product.)

I had been getting 4 mails a day telling me that I can now track the status of my order online and when I opened it, it simply informed me that the product was handed over to Ecom courier service on Nov 18, 2014 and will be delivered to me by Nov 24, 2014. Did it help me with much information? NO.

Anyway, the product did not reach me by the promised date. I was not informed by the company that there would be a delay and the reason therefor. I called the customer care number on 24th evening but I could not get through as the answering machine disconnected after saying, "we have too many customers on the line right now, please call later." (Now that I think, it’s no wonder you get that many calls because you really are bad at service). An hour later, same problem but at least it said that I could select an option to arrange a call back. I did and I am yet to get a call back. I waited for an hour and called again and then waited about 15 mins to speak to a customer care officer who first very coolly informed me that Nov 24, 2014 isn't over yet. I had to remind him that it was 9 pm and unless they deliver products even at that hour, the day was over. He then said that he would register a complaint and that the product will be delivered before 12 noon on Nov 25, 2014.

Then, today when I just casually clicked the “Track Order”, it gave me the same status that said the product was handed over to Ecom courier service on Nov 18, 2014 but the delivery date was CHANGED to Nov 29, 2014.

On a normal course the company sends an apology with an explanation in case a delivery is delayed. AT LEAST YOU COULD HAVE SENT AN INTIMATION. Snapdeal did not care to inform me about the delay and just simply on its own changed the delivery date. Furthermore, when I called the customer care to complain, they simply gave me the no. of Ecom Express and asked me to follow up with them as the delay was from their end. Is that my problem? Did I pay over 40000 bucks to Ecom or to Snapdeal?

I still check with Ecom and they tell me that their records show that the product reached Delhi on Nov 21, 2014 but they need time to deliver the same. I asked how much and the person said that I would escalate this as a high priority delivery so that it reaches you within 3-4 days. Needless to say, I am shocked: High Priority and they still need 3-4 days to deliver it from Delhi to Gurgaon. They need 8 days to deliver a product from Delhi to Gurgaon which on a normal course takes less than an hour? This isn’t even an item of furniture or huge electronics like refrigerator or TV but instead a phone which comes in a very small box. This is ridiculous by all standards.

This is the second time I have faced this problem with Snapdeal out of only 2 times I have placed an order with Snapdeal. That's a record 100%. Someone should tell Snapdeal that you don't win customers by giving full-page strategically placed advertisements in the newspapers, but rather by the quality of service provided. You need to learn that from Flipkart and Amazon India yet as you still have a long way to catch-up. Seriously disappointed.

When did Technology become such a vital part of our lives?

I have been living without a phone since almost a month. Okay, correction: I have been living without a smart phone for almost a month. I do have a functioning phone in an old non-smart handset, but it doesn't have an internet connection and I am off WhatsApp and almost off all social media.

I had recently bought a Nokia Lumia 1520. Needless to say it is a high-end phone and I was more than satisfied with it. Loved it, to be precise. Then, one day I accidentally dropped it and it's screen broke, much as my heart. I thought, "Oh luckily, this time I have bought an insurance for physical damage so I am saved." Little did I know that it was the start of an ordeal. I called the Insurance company, in fact I couldn't even get through on their number for the first two days. Eventually I did, on 10th October, 2014. The lady told me they will pick the phone from my house within 24 to 48 hours. But no, they took full 7 days to do so and that too after scores of phone calls and after involving the retailer from whom I had bought the phone. Okay, not a good start but let's hope all goes well now, at least the person at the insurance company promised that it will. How wrong could I be? Two weeks, daily follow-ups and they hadn't even got my phone repaired. Their excuse? Well, sometimes they don't have staff due to Diwali and then later Nokia service centre doesn't have the part. I called up Nokia Service Centre and they tell me, "Ma'am you bring the phone, it will take about an hour to repair the phone." My Insurance Company had been fooling me.

I try to escalate by talking to the supervisor of the person concerned. He plays the same dirty tricks. Well, on 1st November, 2014 they eventually confirm that the phone has been repaired. But it's today, 5th November, 2014 and I still don't have it in my hand. And today I broke all records of phone calls. Record 53 calls made to the Insurance executives to at least force them to eventually pick up the phone and come up with yet another excuse. Furthermore, their excuses are getting dirtier and inhumane. "The executive who was on his way to deliver the phone has met with a serious accident." What the hell? If I tell them off saying that it's just one of their excuses, I am an insensitive person. Yes, that's exactly what they guy said to me. Can you believe it? Yet another promise of a 110% guarantee of the phone being delivered the next day is handed out.

So much for my physical experience. But, what about my emotional experience. I have been feeling depressed, cut-off from my friends and lonely. In fact, I have been feeling angry, harassed and stressed too. I have been seething with fury since this morning for being taken for a ride and have been unable to calm myself down despite all my attempts. I feel absolutely helpless and feel like crying. And to be honest, I haven't felt like this - so angry, so helpless and so depressed - since a very long time. I tell about this to someone and I sometimes get a reply, "Okay, it's just a phone. We didn't even have them till a few years back." And I feel like snapping back, "Have you lately tried living without your phone for a month?"

We belong to a generation who has done away with stereos, cameras, watches etc. ever since we shifted to smart phones. The first thing most of us look at when we get up in the morning is our phones and some even check it out a number of times at night. True, we didn't have them till a few years back. But, then nobody did and it wasn't just me alone without it. And therefore, people used other ways of keeping in touch. It wasn't like now when you keep in touch through WhatsApp and Facebook. Even office is easier to manage when you don't have to switch on your laptop before going to sleep or after getting up in the morning to check on your mails because you could simply do so through your. phone.

I don't know, I thought I might be able to calm myself down after putting all this in words here. But, for once, even this is not working. Dear God, I NEED my phone. PLEASE HELP! Before I go crazy!! I NEED MY PHONE!!!

Reflections from my Birthday!!

It was my birthday a few days back and to be honest, I was not much excited. I always thought that I have reached an age where birthdays are no more special days. They are just ordinary days. I am neither reverse counting the days before my birthday nor am over the moon in planning something unusual for my birthday. I don't buy birthday gifts for myself any more and usually go around doing my business as usual.

But when I reached an age of nonchalance, my daughter has reached an age of excitement, curiosity and deep concern for all around her. She made my day special by planning a midnight surprise with my sister and mom. My family showered me not only with gifts but also immense love and affection.

Moreover, my phone was broken and I was off Whatsapp and was therefore not expecting many messages. But to my surprise, there was awesome bombardment of lovely birthday wishes from my friends, relatives and acquaintances that kept pouring in on Facebook and SMSes and even through calls, all thanks to Mark Zuckerberg who added a feature on Facebook that reminds all of our birthdays.

Actually, the birthdays are not special days per se. They are ordinary days that are made special by this little touch of persons around you. And I am grateful to God for surrounding me with such lovely people.

A different viewpoint: Of Flipkart sale and Bang Bang review

I haven't written for my blog for a while. The truth is, I have been involved in something else I had taken up. Something that I intend to reveal in a while. But, I would briefly catch up on two recent happenings that made me think a bit. I have a small viewpoint on the Flipkart Sale and the film reviews that Bang Bang received after it's worldwide release.

Much has been said and written about the Flipkart sale. Most of it is pure backlash. While I do feel that they could have planned better, in terms of better anticipating the demand, and accordingly worked around stock availability and server capacity etc., I do not agree with all the insinuations around cheating the customers w.r.t. to the product prices (i.e. the viewpoint whereby customers are creating a furore that Flipkart first increased the prices and then offered discounts). I mean, what did you expect? At the end of the day, they are here to do business and not charity. Who would sell at a loss? To be fair to them, they did not 'increase' the prices of the product; all they did was remove all discounts previously offered and bring the prices up to the MRP level in line up of their 'big billion day sale' when they eventually applied fresh new discounts, which in most cases were equal to if not higher than the previous discounts. Now, what is so wrong with that? Why is that unfair? Wasn't it pretty obvious that it would happen? Don't ordinary retailers and shopkeepers do the same before any sale? They too often remove all previous discounts just before the sale? They sometimes even remove the products from the current collection / stock in the hope of selling it at higher than normal prices after the sale? Why should Flipkart be any different? Just because online market is open 24x7 and the customers have access to other sites that do great business by keeping track of prices at various online retail sites by running an algorithm and no further effort of physically collecting data, is it okay to single out an online retailer for doing exactly what other retailers in the market do on a regular basis? The important part is that they did give huge discounts and whoever managed to get the products they needed, wanted or desired, cannot complain. (On a side note, I liked how Snapdeal was ready and prepared with counter-advertising - very interesting.)

Another happening in the media and the social networks lately was the cringe-worthy film reviews received by the movie 'Bang Bang'. The film which until its release was being hailed and touted as one of the biggest and most-looked-forward-to film of the year 2014, primarily due to its good-looking lead pair of Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif and their previously loved chemistry in 'Zindagi na milegi dobara'; was eventually the recipient of the choicest lambasting by the so-called film critics. Almost all film critics went overboard in writing how the film had no plot and only boasted of the stylized performance and chemistry of the lead couple; and that at least half of this couple (read Katrina Kaif) was only eye-candy and did not having any acting to boast of. Now, if I may question these critics, what were they expecting in the first place? 'Knight and Day', of which makers had formally and very candidly declared it to be an official remake of, was effectively at best a mediocre film with no plot at all and just a good-looking couple (Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz) exuding great chemistry, dreamy romance and some great stunts. Well, 'Bang Bang' had all that and an icing on the cake in the form of breathtakingly awesome dancing by Hrithik Roshan. Oh man! does he dance? The makers' marketing strategy too was all about promoting the hot lead pair with their screen chemistry romancing dreamily in exotic locations; some slick stylized stunts and Hrithik's great dance moves. So, again, did the critics expect Siddharth Anand et al to cook up a story for 'Bang Bang'? In that case, it wouldn't really have been the remake of 'Knight and Day' because the latter at least did not have a story to boast of. In fact, many of the sequences in 'Bang Bang' were a straight lift from 'Knight and Day' like Katrina being given injection shots which made her tell the truth despite putting her in a topsy turvy state; or Hrithik taking Katrina in front on his bike so that she could shoot the goons following them; or even Hrithik assuming a new identity and leaving his family behind to take up this mission and then secretly sending them money making his Dad believe he has won some lottery he did not even remember buying a ticket for; etc. As for Katrina, I wonder whether these critics were expecting her to come up with an Oscar winning performance. Well, looking at her filmography till date, I am just curious to know which of her films actually raised such hopes in the critics. Let's just be honest: Katrina cannot "act" and the film-makers do not hire her to "act". She is just supposed to look good standing next to the popular 'heroes' of her films who have the responsibility of carrying the film on their broad and strong shoulders. If they needed a 'heroine' who could "act", they would have gone for Vidya Balan but they didn't because they only needed their 'heroine' to look hot in a multi-neon shade monokini in a swimming pool or in a bikini top with a skimpy backless lace dress standing next to the gorgeous topless 'hero' who also can "act" well. 'Bang Bang' was only about two gorgeous good-looking actors and slick action. Period.

But, why do film critics always have to comment and harp about the 'plot' all the time, anyway? Do we really want all movies to have great stories and serious performance oriented lead actors playing complex dark real characters that make us think? No. Different movies serve different purposes. Some tell great stories and showcase great performances (e.g. Black and more recently Haider); some are great edge-of-the-seat thrillers with gravity defying stunts (e.g. Dhoom or Singham series); some are supposed to tickle our funny bone (e.g. Andaz Apna Apna); some are pure romance (e.g. Veer Zaara); some are only showcasing great locales (e.g. Chalte Chalte); and yet some are just pure mindless entertainers (e.g. Dabang or any of Salman Khan or Farah Khan movies). If all movies were serious plot based or social awareness based movies made to please the critics and get nothing less than a rating of 4/5 from them, I think, we the viewers would soon loose interest in movies. Variety, as they say, is the spice of life.

My Top Ten Favourite Books

I am not a book fanatic but I do like to read and often enjoy the best me time with a book. I am also not a fast reader and I delve upon my books for weeks if not months. So, I don’t really have many friends with whom I end up discussing the books I have read or what they are reading.

Thus, when this trend started on Facebook about people listing their 'Top Ten favourite books' and then nominating others to do so too, I did not expect to be nominated. However, it sure was fun reading everyone’s list. What intrigued me was how at least one or two books in each person’s list would have featured in my favourites too.

Then, I literally got myself nominated by a friend to do my list when I commented on her list. So, here I am with my list. I will not go into the cliché where everyone tells how it was so difficult to pin down ten books and how they love so many more, because I know not how to hate a book I read till the end and to be honest there are very few books that I have read wholly and I hadn’t liked. But, I often read by authors or series and one author’s multiple books might hold the same value for me. Hence, you may find some clubbing of books in my list. Please accommodate with me for the same.

Here we go in no particular order:

1. Jane Austen Classics – I am a true blue fan of Jane Austen and have read all her books multiple times with ‘Pride and Prejudice’, ‘Emma’ and ‘Persuasion’ being my absolute favourites. I can pick up a Jane Austen book anytime anywhere and read it. What I love in her books is how all her characters are absolutely real and so perfect in their imperfections.
2. Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling – There are two kinds of book lovers in the world – those who absolutely love Harry Potter books and those who absolutely don’t. I belong to the former category and I too have read Harry Potter books multiple times, despite the fact that when you re-read a thriller or a mystery, you already know the end. Yet, it never allows me to lose interest. Thanks to the brilliant writing style of Rowling. I remember being heart-broken and depressed for at least 2 days after I finished the last Harry Potter book (the only book till date which I have completed within a week) just thinking that there isn’t going to be another Harry Potter book ever now. I even wrote a review of the book where I mentioned a little about my state of mind. (Read the review at 'Book Review: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows').
3. Jason Bourne series by Robert Ludlum – I have only read the trilogy by Robert Ludlum and although I found the writing style very descriptive yet engaging – every fight read in the book seems like a movie happening in front of you – I found Bourne / Webb’s character extremely engaging and nothing short of a superhero. (Read 'Why Jason Bourne is more of a Superhero' for the reasons).
4. Gone with the wind by Margaret Mitchell – I loved this book for two very strong reasons: (1) Scarlett O’Hara for being a very strong woman with a never-say-die attitude; and (2) Rhett Butler for being the rugged but perfect match to Scarlett and yet being her antithesis.
5. To kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee – Not only is this a touching story but also a very brave one especially considering the era in which this book was written. It’s also a true lesson in humility.
6. Books by Khaled Hosseini – I have till date read ‘The Kite Runner’ and ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ by Khaled Hosseini and ‘And the mountains echoed’ is on top of my list of ‘Books to read’. Not only are his books a very touching account of how life was / is in war stricken Afghanistan but it’s an absolute emotional account of the interplay of feelings. I cannot read two of his books one after the other; it’s just too much of an emotional drain. I have cried at nights when I have sat with his books unable to get the characters out of my mind. But, I have loved them nevertheless.
7. Books by Dan Brown – Although I have read four books by Dan Brown (all but ‘The Lost Symbol’ and ‘Inferno’) but ‘Angels and Demons’ and ‘The Da Vinci Code’ are my particular favourites. Not only did I find the thrills, suspense and twists and turns in the story very engaging but I found Robert Langdon a very interesting character and what is generally referred to as “intellectually stimulating”. I would love to meet him someday if he ever exists, even if just to have some interesting chats over coffee. That reminds me, I also have ‘The Lost Symbol’ and ‘Inferno’ on my list of ‘Books to read’.
8. Love Story by Erich Segal – I first read ‘Love Story’ when I was in school. It was a very short and sweet book and yet it tickles your heart strings (and your tear glands too). As a grown up, I picked it up again, only to see whether I was still moved in the same way as in my teenage years. I was. (Read my ode to Erich Segal on his death here 'The eternal love story'. It has all the references to the book.)
9. ‘Kane and Able’, ‘The Prodigal Daughter’ and ‘Shall we tell the President’ Trilogy by Jeffrey Archer – It’s not really a trilogy. They are actually three different books (especially the last one where the old characters appear very briefly), very intelligently woven with common characters and some references to previous books by Jeffrey Archer. This in itself is truly remarkable – to have three absolutely different stories told with different settings and different plots having common characters. And yet all of them engage you equally. I especially loved the first two books.
10. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand – I must confess that I did not find it a very easy and comfortable book to read. It took me a lot of time to read it (second only to probably ‘Gone with the wind’) and it needed a lot of focus to understand the so very complex characters (multiple times I re-read various sections of the book). And, therefore, for this very reasons I did not even feature it in my list (was confused between this and the three mentioned below) but then I remembered that after having completed the book, I had a very good feeling about the book and I reflected on the characters for days. Also, I was truly mesmerized by the thought that the book was written in 1943 America and yet it was so very contemporary. Again, ‘Atlas Shrugged’ is also on my list of of ‘Books to read’ but then I need to first have the time to delve and focus on Ayn's style of writing and her characterization.

The books that almost made it to the list but finally didn’t are as follows: ‘The Immortals of Meluha’ by Amish Tripathy (I purposefully didn’t mention the trilogy because somehow the sequels did not live up to the expectation and by the third book it was more of a mechanical exercise to bring the story to a logical conclusion; and that’s the reason I didn’t include this book in my list) and ‘The Pelican Brief’ and ‘The Testament’ by John Grisham (I have read quite a few of the books by John Grisham and I kind of find all of them more or less same, so much so that when I pick up any of his book, I fail to remember whether I have already read it or not; but these two books of his have lingered on in my memory and I remember liking them a lot when I read them, former for the way the suspense unfolds and latter for no particular reason).

Last, as a note I also want to mention two books that I had loved as a kid: ‘Heidi’ by Johanna Spyri and ‘Little Women’ by Louisa May Alcott. Not only did I love them and I laughed and cried with the protagonists, but they hooked me on to books for life. A big thanks to them!

I've learned...

I received a beautiful post this morning on one of my WhatsApp groups and I want post it here so that I may refer to it time and again whenever I need a doze of motivation.

These are beautiful lines written by Andy Rooney, apparently a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words.


I've learned .... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned .... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned .... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned .... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned .... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned .... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned .... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned .... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned .... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned .... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned .... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned .... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned .... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned .... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned .... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned .... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned .... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned .... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned .... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned .... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile..

I've learned .... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned .... That I wish I could have told my father that I love him one more time before he passed away.

I've learned .... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned ..... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned .... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned .... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Are Indians truly Secular?

Having just brushed past the election season, one of the most common words one must have heard recently is "secular" or "secularism". It's the favorite word of the politicians in India, especially the ones that do not belong to the BJP. They all claim to be truly "secular" while insinuating BJP to be not.

So, what does "secular" mean? According to the Oxford Dictionary, "secular" means "not connected with religious or spiritual matters". Then, the dictionary also explains the meaning of the word when used in the context of Christianity, Astronomy and Economics. (http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/secular)

Too bad that it does not explain the meaning of the word as used in the Indian context; to be more precise, in the context of Indian politics. For in this context, it does not mean "not connected with religious or spiritual matters" but rather it means "embracing, practicing and loving Muslims".

Ideally, when a person, organization or nation is secular, he/she/it should have no particular religious affinities. A secular person should not judge people or form impressions about them because of the religion practiced by them. He/she should treat all persons equally even if they practice a religion different from them. Similarly, a secular organization or a secular nation should not discriminate any of its people based on their religious or spiritual choices. It should provide equal opportunities, services and benefits to all and should allow them to pursue any religion they choose without interfering in their choices.

But, that doesn't happen in India. In India, a person to appear secular should actually leave behind his or her own religion and start embracing the other religion, read Islam, to appear secular. If he doesn't do that, he is classified as a Hindu nationalist or worse a Hindu fascist / Hindu hardliner. And the irony is that all this is only targeted towards people who are religiously inclined to Hinduism.

So, if a Narendra Modi chooses to do a "Ganga aarti" instead of, say, putting a "chaadar" on any "mazaar", the entire media goes berserk and he is termed as a Hindu nationalist and an nonsecular person. But, if a Hamid Ansari refuses to take the "aarti thaal" in his hand and participate in the official "aarti" and "puja" at the Rashtrapati Bhawan, no one questions it. Because only Hindus are expected to be secular in India and not Muslims. And to be clear, I am a very secular person and I personally wouldn't expect Mr. Ansari to do the "puja" just as much as I wouldn't expect Mr. Modi to offer a "namaaz".

According to me, being truly secular means letting each person practice whatever religion, belief and school of thought he/she believes in. So, if as a person, Mr. Modi believes in Hinduism, he has the right to perform as many "aartis", visit as many temples, and observe as many religious rituals of Hindus as he wants as long as his government does not discriminate against non-Hindus; as long as his governance policies do not promote Hindus over non-Hindus in providing the fruits and benefits of any schemes they launch or any policies they draft for the betterment of the citizens of the country. Similarly, Hamid Ansari is free to offer his "namaaz" as long as he is fulfilling his duties diligently. Neither Mr. Modi should be forced to don a skull cap, nor Mr. Ansari should be made to perform any "puja" to prove that they are secular in their thoughts and actions. If Congress (Mr. Ansari's ex-Party) is a secular party, they shouldn't provide quotas to Muslims or any other religious sect for that matter. Secular people should be anti-religious-quota all together. And yet, every party talks about quotas, with Congress going a step ahead in its desperation and promise to introduce quotas in the private sector jobs too. Quotas for Muslims, quotas for Jains, quotas for backward classes, whatever. And they try to justify these vote bank politics as secularism. A truly secular nation can't have notion of special perks for anyone because then it defies the spirit of "equality for all." (Image courtesy: Dr. Subramanian Swamy on Facebook)

Today, when Mr. Modi announced his cabinet, I could see a number of Muslims on Facebook questioning why Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi and Shahnawaz Hussain were not included in the cabinet to have representation from Muslims in the cabinet. Now, I want to ask all of them, why is representation from any particular religion needed over there. Is the cabinet's only task to draft religious laws for which you need people from all religions to kind of give a perspective to the laws? On the contrary, the Cabinet will work for India and irrespective of whatever religion the Indians follow, the laws should be equally applicable to all.

When France declared that no religious symbols are allowed in schools and all Muslim, Christian and Sikh students were forced to abandon their "hijaabs", "crosses" and "turbans", it was true practice of secularism - they can practice whatever religion they want but they need not wear it on their sleeve. Can anyone imagine that happening in India? The day that does happen, I would say India has become truly secular. Indians should learn tolerance and accept a person's beliefs as merely a part of his/her personality. To each his own. Equality for all.

Movie Metaphors: Did you even understand these?

We all love Hindi movies! Call it Bollywood or call it Indian Cinema, but it has reigned our hearts ever since we remember. We have laughed with it and we have cried with it. We have seen it senseless (say, David Dhawan's movies) and we have learned philosophy of life from it (say, Raju Hirani's movies). Sometimes we have dismissed it as too heavy (say, Sanjay Leela Bhansali's epics) and at times we have carried them on in our dreams (say, Yash Chopra's romantic sagas). But, more often than not, people use them only to escape from reality. Finding bloopers is passe and fun (like when someone notices the mobile towers behind a dancing Sonam Kapoor in Bhaag Milkha Bhaag and questions how they sprung up in the bygone era depicted in the movie), but normal people do not analyse the finer nuances and dialogues which may have a deeper meaning.

How am I reminded of this? Well, we were discussing 'Queen' that day (I loved it and have already written my review of the movie in an earlier post) when my friend recalled the scene where Kangana Ranaut who plays Rani is asked by her new friends in Amsterdam where she comes from and she answers "Rajouri" as against "India" or "Delhi". To my friend, it was a simple funny scene with a funny dialogue since how is the world supposed to know about "Rajouri Garden", but she didn't realize that this one word answer tells us something about the character.

So, today I want to list down a few metaphors used in some of the films, which were never understood by some of my friends:

1. Queen: Obviously, I would first explain what I mentioned above. So, when Rani answers that she comes from "Rajouri" as against "India" or "Delhi", it highlights the small world she has lived in so far. She has never gone, in person as well as in thought, beyond "Rajouri Garden". It is her world, her personal comfort cocoon or a shell. It was only during her trip that she has stepped out, both out of her world as well as out of her comfort zone. She is now learning to survive in the open and must first realize that for most people her world does not even exist.

2. Queen / English Vinglish: Another such instance in 'Queen' is where she makes a "French Toast" and the French guy tells her that there's nothing really French about it. There's a similar scene in 'English Vinglish' where Sridevi or Shashi tells her French friend to eat "French Fries" and he tells her that they don't originate from France. This highlights how little we people know about the things we often take for granted. Everybody in India refers to "French Toast", "French Fries", "Chinese Noodles", and so on and we continue to believe that they originated there. Similarly, we don't challenge anything that has been carried on for generations, be it political dynasties ruling over us or our impressions about the education system in India.

3. Mission Kashmir: When this movie was released, I could often hear people commenting why Preity Zinta, who plays Sufiya Parvez therein, did that movie. Now Preity at that time was competing for the top slot in the film industry and was known to undertake really meaty roles, so maybe that prompted people to ask that question. But, to be fair to Preity and Vidhu Vinod Chopra (the director of the film), I do not think that it was a non-consequential role despite the small screen time. Now, if we refer to Kareena Kapoor's role in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham (K3G), that was inconsequential and only existed to provide some eye candy and provide a song and dance opportunity to Hrithik Roshan in an era where you couldn't dare to take Hrithik in a movie and not include a few dance numbers. But, Preity in Mission Kashmir signified the kind of life and opportunities that Altaf (played superbly by Hrithik again) would have had, had he not ventured into the darkness of terrorism. Surprisingly, no-one ever questioned Kareena taking up K3G, but everyone seemed to mind Preity taking up Mission Kashmir.

4. Black / Guzaarish / Saawariya: Colour references in Sanjay Leela Bhansali's movies are his trademark style. So, if he uses the bright radiance of reds, greens, gold in 'Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam', 'Devdas' and 'Ram Leela', people love it; but when he sticks to shades of Black, Grey and Blue in 'Black', 'Guzaarish', and 'Saawariya', respectively, he is severely criticized for being too dull. But, I like his idea of sticking to a colour to signify the theme of the movie. While the reds, greens, gold in 'Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam', 'Devdas' and 'Ram Leela' signify the flamboyance and rich cultural heritage of Gujarat and Bengal which served as the backdrop of the respective films; there are deeper meanings in the colours used in 'Black', 'Guzaarish', and 'Saawariya'. Black (both the name and the colour backdrop) signified the darkness and the deep hole in the world of a blind, deaf and mute girl. Grey's in Guzaarish signified the dullness and the mundaneness in the life of the quadriplegic Ethan Mascarenhas and his helper and caretaker for years Sophia. If you remember, Sophia did wear Reds as part of her clothes, the lip colour and the rose in her hair; which again signified that she is the only one in Ethan's life who brought him hope or motivation to carry on. Lastly, the blue shades of 'Saawariya' not only added to the fact that the entire film moved in moonlit nights, but also the character's state of mind where both the protagonists were going through heartbreaks.

5. Hum saath saath hain: There was nothing modern about this modern day Ramayan except that it was set in a traditional typical household and not in the medieval era. The thought process of the characters and their grooming (ask Karisma who wears lehengas in daily wear in a fairly modern household) was definitely traditional, bordering on orthodox. But, the names of the six protagonists were very symbolic of the characters they played. Mohnish Bahl was called Vivek which means 'wisdom' and he was supposed to be the eldest and the wisest son. Tabu, the eldest daughter-in-law, played Sadhana which means 'to practice something as a discipline' and she was continuously practicing being a traditional dutiful wife, daughter-in-law and sister-in-law. Next son in line and his ladylove were Salman Khan and Sonali Bendre who played Prem and Preeti respectively, both names meaning 'love' and they both loved each other and the brothers and the sister-in-laws and big Indian family endlessly and selflessly. Saif Ali Khan played Vinod which means 'happy' or 'joyful' and he was the happy-go-lucky youngest son who kept the atmosphere alive with his goofing around irrespective of the tensions gripping the family. Finally, Karisma Kapoor played Sapna, Vinod's ladylove, meaning 'dream' and her only task in the film was to keep Vinod amused and help in his goofing around and Vinod obviously dreamt a lot about her. Oh yes! How can I forget the mother played by Reema Lagoo who was called Mamta, meaning 'motherly love'.

I am sure there would be many more and these are just the ones that immediately came to my mind. But my point is that often people tend to overlook them.

My Universe!

I recently read an excerpt of "Hyperspace" by physicist Michio Kaku and was touched. The words brought in a new perspective for the people around me, how I look at them and how they might look at me.

Kaku recounts how as a boy, he used to spend hours watching carp swim around the pond at San Francisco's Japanese Tea Garden.  He tried to imagine the fishes' experience.

An excerpt:

"Living their entire lives in the shallow pond, the carp would believe that their "universe" consisted of the murky water and the lilies.  Spending most of their time foraging on the bottom of the pond, they would be only dimly aware that an alien world could exist above the surface.  The nature of my world was beyond their comprehension.  I was intrigued that I could sit only a few inches from the carp, yet be separated from them by an immense chasm.  The carp and I spent our lives in two distinct universes, never entering each other's world, yet were separated by only the tiniest barrier, the water's surface."

How does this resonate for you right now, in this moment?

For me the words had clicked something. I was going through a strange time. There was a new opportunity that I was hoping to take up in a very near future and yet there was some uncertainty as to when that would be. This and the people directly or indirectly responsible for putting me in this situation were starting to irk me a bit. I was confident about myself and was strongly focused on what lay ahead of me but I did not once stop and think of what these people around me would be perceiving about the situation. Now that I think of it, this whole scenario is probably not much different from the two distinct universes mentioned by Kaku, separated only by an invisible wall made of ideals and egos. I see myself as the person who is doing the right thing, as the person holding on to my principles and self-respect. Probably, they look at their own self in the same way. The difference is not between the persons really then. The difference is between the principles. To each his own.

But, now that I understand this, does that mean that our two universes will meet? Probably not, we would still continue to be in our own universe because that's where we belong. It's just that, I at least, like Kaku and unlike the carp, now am aware that somewhere beyond the tiny barrier, there is another universe that exists and maybe for them my world is beyond comprehension.

To heaven and back!

I recently had the good fortune to visit Kashmir, in particular Srinagar with day trips to Pahalgam and Gulmarg infused in between. It was a short trip - mere 4 and half days - but I bring back with myself memories to last a lifetime.

Initially, we were scared to go to Kashmir. Well, my mother was worries because a lot has been heard about the political tensions in Kashmir and we were a bunch of female travellers only: just me, my mom and my 7 year old daughter, Kashvi. But, that was not my worry at all. I had heard a lot about tourists visiting Srinagar and coming back to tell awesome stories. My cause of worry was the weather. I had seen snowstorms earlier when I had lived in Europe and had absolutely no interest of seeing another. I hate the snow after it stops snowing and becomes all messy and sludgy. But, my mom and daughter had never experienced snow ever in their lives. So, I thought, as long as flights are operating, we would go. Besides Kashvi was just so excited about it and had informed all her teachers and friends, I didn't feel like breaking her heart .

So, we landed amidst snow and headed straight for our houseboat which we had pre-booked for our stay in Srinagar. Reaching the houseboat was an experience in itself because the one chosen by us was not on the bank but rather on the other side of the lake. So, we had to take a Shikara every time we had to reach or leave the houseboat. The houseboat was beautiful. It had intricate carvings on the wooden frames, doors, windows, etc. The interiors were done in traditional Kashmiri style with beautiful carved Walnut furniture, Kashmiri carpets, and Kashmiri chain stitch curtains. We received a very warm welcome from the owner, who welcomed us with the traditional Kashmiri Kehwah (a famous green tea with cardamom, cinnamon, honey / sugar and saffron) and explained to us that shoes are to be taken off outside as this maintains hygiene inside. We were then shown into our room, which had a double and a single bed, a dressing table, a couch and coffee table, all in the same style as the rest of the furniture on the boat. We were mesmerized.

After refreshing and a light breakfast, we left the houseboat for a Shikara ride. We chose to take the Shikara all the way from Nigeen Lake, where our houseboat was, to the Jetty at Nehru Park area in Dal lake instead of fixing hourly rates and touring at random. It took us close to 2 hours and it was by far the most picturesque experience of our trip. The lake was not only serene and calm; it gave us awesome sights of the interiors of Kashmir. The snow-capped mountains made breathtakingly beautiful mirror images in the lake. The Shikara owner explained that it was only in this season that it is possible to row on this route because as soon as the flower season starts, the lake would be covered by the water lilies and lotuses and it would not be possible to row in the interiors of the lake. The Shikara rides would then be restricted to the main Dal lake area known as Dal gate which is frequented by the tourists.

The next day, we decided to leave the houseboat and shift to a hotel. Despite its grandeur and beauty, houseboats are not very comfortable especially when you are travelling with kids. The interiors are extremely cold in the colder season as you are directly over water and the houseboat is made of only wood which does not have 100% insulation. Besides the electricity is deficient and even if it's there, the voltage is meagre and the appliances don't work (in our case, there was a heater in the room but it was not working despite a generator). After spending about half a day in searching a good hotel in the Dal gate area with the lake view plus centralized heating facility and decent comforts, we spent the other half in exploring the Mughal Gardens of Shalimar and the Nishat Gardens. Personally I feel that they, although beautiful were in need of severe maintenance. The plants were well tended to I assume considering that the flower beds were all toiled and the grass was cut. But the infrastructure like the fountains, pillars, etc. were close to shambles. It was not the flower season so we missed the beauty the valley is famous for, but there were areas of fresh untouched snow and my daughter loved playing in the same. We had come to know of a three day curfew in Srinagar owing to some unfortunate clash between locals and security forces resulting in the death of a local boy. But, we were surprised to see that the same was so efficiently managed by the security forces to result in the least discomfort possible to tourists. As a tourist, we did not once feel the impact of the curfew except the minor obstruction of not being able to undertake any shopping in the main city and instead being restricted to the markets around dal gate and other tourist areas in the outskirts.

The third day of our visit was devoted to Pahalgam. We saw the Saffron, Almonds and Walnut fields and the willow orchids en-route our way to Pahalgam. There were numerous shops selling saffron and dry fruits as well as cricket bats made of willow wood (considered to the best cricket bats in the world). There were also many units manufacturing these cricket bats. We stopped at one of the shops selling saffron and dry fruits and drank one of the best Kehwah (garnished with almonds) we had during the entire trip. We also purchased some to bring back home. We reached Pahalgam in about three-hours, an enjoyable journey to say the least. It was a bright sunny day and although we were told that Pahalgam at that hour was reeling under zero degrees, we didn't really feel the chill thanks to our warm coats and jackets. Besides we had been prudent enough to rent rubber boots so as to be able to walk on the cottony snow. From Pahalgam, one needs to hire a pony to go further in the interiors, more so because there was about four feet of unseasonal snow in Pahalgam that day. It was quite an experience. We saw the Lidder Valley, Kashmir Valley, Baisaran, and Kanimarg (also known as the Betaab Valley since the Sunny Deol - Amrita Singh starrer movie Betaab was shot there). We got off our ponies at Baisaran and Kashvi got a chance to play in real snow for the first time ever. She bombarded me with snowballs and we made a snowman together. Right from slipping down on the snow to narrowly avoid being hurt by a speeding sledge to helping her pony drink water from a small stream of melting snow, Kashvi had a whale of a time. On our journey back, me and my mom were audience to hours of imaginative stories by my darling daughter about herself and her white pony whom she had christened 'Snowy'. She had talked to 'Snowy' sweetly during the whole ride and had stroked her neck and was absolutely convinced that 'Snowy' loved her and would remember her forever.

Again, next day, we ventured outside Srinagar and visited Gulmarg. The weather was gloomy and raining but we thought we would go ahead with the hope that it would improve during the day. They say in Kashmir that "Kashmir's weather is like Mumbai's fashion... changing by the minute". In fact, we did ourselves saw the sudden changes when it was raining one minute and suddenly within seconds the rain had stopped and it was suddenly sunny but unfortunately it lasted only about five minutes after which it started to rain again. So, we again drove to picturesque farms for an hour to reach Tangmarg. Until Tangmarg, there was hardly any snow on our way. Instead we saw beautiful houses with tilted hut shaped roofs and green lawns. We passed villages inhabited by fair faced people with beautiful features and glowing pink cheeks. The terrain was flat and not hilly considering that Gulmarg houses the world's highest Cable Car, the Gondola. In Tangmarg, we were bombarded with people offering to take the services of a guide or helper, which we politely refused. Some of these people told us that owing to sudden snow, Gulmarg's Gondola, is open only till stage 1 and will not go further to stage 2 (from where you can actually look down at the LOC and the mountains falling in Pakistan occupied Kashmir). We were also told that there is approximately 6-8 feet snow and the temperature is sub-zero so much so that our snug coats and jackets will be of little help there. So, we again rented rubber boots and warm oversized jackets with extra fur coating inside to wear over our existing jackets and coats. We then hired another taxi to take us over to Gulmarg. The way further was steep and had to waded through snow-scraped narrow roads, so the taxis that could go up were the ones which had heavy iron chains tied over the tyres of their rear wheels. Once we reached Gulmarg, there was a further quarter to two kms stretch to be covered either on foot or on a snow sledge to reach the starting point of Gondola. We chose to take the sledge considering we were not adept at walking over deep snow. There was shining white snow all around us, almost all of it was untouched as rows and rows of tourists just waded through the snow in one line and actually looked like little coloured ants on the huge white glimmering background. We stopped on the way to give a little breather to the sledge pullers and Kashvi took an opportunity to try her hands at skiing. Later, we when we boarded the Gondola, it was absolutely mesmerizing. The 10 minutes ride gave us a view to last a lifetime. We could see fir trees, hundreds of meters tall; and small huts submerged in heavy snow so much so that we could only see just a few inches of the rim of their roofs. Occasionally, we could see a row of footprints or a row of ski-prints (is that actually a word?) and we would wonder who actually could manage to come up till this altitude. It was drizzling slightly when we boarded the Gondola but as we went higher and eventually got off the Gondola, the rain turned to snow. It was soft and pure and beautiful. Even the view around us was mesmerizing - pure, white and serene. The mount Apharbat could not be seen but we could see clouds floating around us. If there is a heaven, it was there and we witnessed it in person.

The return journey was eventful and consisting of heavy rains, flat tyres and scouting for replacement cabs. Eventually when we reached Tangmarg and later Srinagar, we were just too tired. The warmth of the hotel room was very much welcome and we busied ourselves by planning the next day. Early next day, we checked out of our hotel and went to Chashm-e-shahi. It is a beautiful garden housing a natural spring said to be having the ability to grant good health. But, honestly, by looking at the water, more so the way people were using it, we could not bring ourselves to disregard the dirty feet of the people inside the spring and the unhygienic plastic bottles and canisters immersed to collect and carry water; and drink it. So, we just explored the beauty around, got my daughter's picture clicked in the traditional Kashmiri outfit for a memoir, did a bit of shopping of jackets with traditional chain stitch embroidery and moved on. Then, we went on to see the Temple of Jayeshthadevi. We would have loved to go and pay respects at the Shankracharya Temple, but considering that one has to climb close to 300 stairs to reach there, we changed our mind (My mother is 58 years old; my daughter is 7 years old; and to be honest, I am not much of a climber / trekker myself). So, instead we went to the other not so popular temple. Now it turned out that this one too had about 100 stairs overall but then it was kind of a series of small temples with almost 25-30 stairs each. So, we got to rest while we paid our respects in each temple. And the surroundings were clean and beautiful and very well maintained. Also, since it's not a popular tourist spot, there were hardly any people around and we got the opportunity to explore it at leisure. It was almost appropriate that this had to be the last stop of our journey after which we headed straight to the airport for the evening flight.

Nishtha's movie review: Queen

I happened to catch up on the movie "Queen" this weekend. Before the movie had released, I had very low expectations from the film. In fact, considering that I never really liked Kangana Ranaut and add to it the tackiest name imaginable for a movie, I had expected the movie to be a badly made and / or a sleazy kind of a movie. But kudos to director Vikas Bahl, because Queen is anything but that.

Like I mentioned, I had very low expectations from the movie and I had gone only after hearing / reading fabulous film reviews and word-of-mouth appreciation. And I really liked the movie. It is not a grand affair, so you will not get to see any designer clothes, eloquent sets, professional dancers, and starry big actors. This is a low-budget movie set and shot in by-lanes of Delhi, then Paris and then Amsterdam. But, don't be fooled by hearing about Paris and Amsterdam. Like I mentioned, it has been shot in it's by-lanes. So, you will not get to see the grandeur of these cities, but you will get the feel of how middle class people live and tour in small hotels / student hostels etc. which forms the crux of the movie where the character played by Kangana Ranaut learns to cope all by herself. The film belongs to her and she carries it with flair on her petite shoulders.

Overall, I liked the film for following reasons:

1.       Great Performances. There are no over the top performances. The acting is top-notch, natural and effortless by all actors be it Indian or foreigner; one with the lead role or supporting role. Although Lisa Hayden also excels in her small role, but Kangana is the soul of the film. She brings Rani alive and symbolises hundreds of Indian girls belonging to and brought up in the protective shell called the Indian Joint family. Rajkummar Rao as Vijay is also a natural. He could be any boy next door who woos a girl, proposes to her and then develops cold feet at the time of marriage. He could be any male child brought up in a male patriarch system who think of himself as modern and liberal without even realising that domination, in whichever degree and form, comes naturally to him and is in-built in his nature. Again, truly symbolising the hundreds of males in the Indian society who propagate women's rights but when it comes to their homes, they expect their wives to simply abide by their wishes at all times and conduct themselves in the way they wish.

2.       The plot. Like I said above, the plot is very simple and director Vikas Bahl doesn't let the focus shift from the progression the lead protagonist is going through. Although he shoots in two of the most sought after tourist destinations including Paris, known as one of the prettiest and most romantic cities in the world, he refrains from using camera-time to capture scenic beauty or sights and sounds of the cities and instead focusses on the narrow lanes and sidewalks more likely to be where a coy homely girl from Delhi, a clear misfit in the city inhabited by heavily made-up and outgoing womenfolk, would like to get lost away from the crowds and limelight. The music is also apt for the film. While 'London thumakda' is a peppy number sure to be replayed in all weddings at least for the next year, the songs 'Gujariya' and the revamped 'Hungama ho gaya' are very situational and yet very pleasing to the ears.

3.       Coming of age film. We have seen coming of age films earlier. Be it Lakshya or Wake Up Sid or even Dil Chahta Hai, Rock On! and Zindagi naa milegi dobara. We all loved these movies. They are all movies that show their protagonists "growing up" and becoming mature responsible people. But the other thing that is common between these movies is that they are all movies about boys / men. Not a single coming of age movie comes to my mind which has female protagonist(s). There have been attempts before where the movies have shown coy women tackling difficult situations and coming on top, but they have all ended up as feminist movies showing empowerment of women instead of the simple coming of age movies (e.g. Khoon bhari maang, Shakti, Anjaam, etc.). So this movie is a refreshing change.

4.       No clichés. This film avoids clichés, which is nice. So, it doesn't show that the bridegroom-to-be falls for a 'gori mem' or some other modern girl and that is why leaves our coy homely girl. He simply develops cold feet which is still seemingly believable in the movie. Then, there is no sudden realisation on the girl that she needs to change and she doesn't just simply gets a make-over and becomes fiercely independent. The transformation is gradual. There is a heartbreak but she slowly learns to live with it. She slowly realises that her life is not just about being married to that guy and becoming a housewife. Having said that, another cliché that this movie avoids is showing the coy girl transformed into an independent women as having a drastic change in lifestyle. I like the fact that this film doesn't show that an independent woman and a woman who parties hard, drinks, smokes and has sex at the drop of a hat are synonymous. It doesn't promote that independence means doing all that because independence is actually a state of mind. It doesn't say that you come of age when you start doing all that. The day you start understanding that you are capable of taking your own decisions, deciding for yourself what you want to do with your life, stop relying of others for your individual choices and basically stop judging everyone because of their individual choices; you come of age; you become independent.

5.       The message. The message is the highlight of the film. It is not just for the womenfolk but also for the men. The film gives the message that you should not be dependent on others for your happiness. Your happiness is actually in your hands and it is basically a choice that you have to make for yourself. How true.

So, I would highly recommend this movie to everyone to watch at least once. I hope you take the happiness with you when you walk out of the movie hall.

Every child is gifted...

Today is the time of cut-throat competition. We see people at work-places trying to be one-up that their colleagues at all times. However, I feel that people don't try to be as competitive in the workplace as they are in their parenting. It's a rat-race out there actually and everyone is trying to prove to an invisible someone that they are the best parent in the world. No-one is immune and somewhere or the other in varied degrees we are all in the same boat including me.

In fact, success at work even gives more gas to this phenomenon. This may probably be for the following reasons: (1) Working parents try to overcome their guilt conscience by demonstrating that they are actually working so hard and being so career minded so that they can bring up their children better, provide them with better facilities and give them all that they ask for. They want their kids to be the most accomplished of the lot. (Whenever I hear the term 'accomplished', I am reminded of the 18th century writings by Jane Austen whereby the women who drew, knitted, read books, played the piano and did 2 or 3 other things were considered highly accomplished.) (2) People have found a new way to show-off their "improved standard of living" when they brag about their kids going to high-end costly schools and 3-4 extra-curricular activities outside school hours. They want to tell the world, "listen... I can afford to give my kids this luxury." They hear other parents talk about their kids learning contemporary dance and tennis and swimming; then how could their child be far behind?

In the end, we are all moulding our kids in 1 generic pre-defined mould without giving them the space to grow on their own and the way they want. We compare the kids with their peers. We tell them that your so-and-so classmate can draw so beautifully, why don't you practice a little more. "Look at him, how well she writes. You need to brush up your creative writing skills. Let me see if there are some classes available." And it goes on and on. We all want our kids to be exemplary orators, comfortable and confident on stage and beyond. We want them to be best calligraphers and great thinkers all of them the next Salman Rushdie or Arundhati Roy in the making. We want them all excelling in dramatics, dance, instrumental music, martial arts, sports, and this and that and everything. We ourselves are not able to decide what we want our kids to be and we certainly do not give our kids the leverage to decide for themselves what they want to do and what they do not want to do. We talk about peer pressure on kids when we hear our kids say "Mom, my friend is learning this and I also want to do it." But, we forget that we only have developed this psychology in our kids where they look around and see others by comparing our kids to others.

What we don't focus on is that every child has his or her capabilities. And why only capabilities? They all have their own interests. A child may be really good at sports but his/her interest may lie in literature. But, then we will tell them, "no, sports is very important and you should focus there instead of reading these stupid fiction". Traditionally also, people have always forced kids to study and get good grades trying to fill in their minds with fears like "not everyone can become a Sachin Tendulkar. A cricket team has only 11 players and all the rest find it difficult to run their homes if they opt for sports over studies. So, focus on studies and make a decent career as a doctor, engineer or an accountant." We focus on what is a better option by looking at what pays and not what the child wants. And since every parent is thinking like that, it becomes a herd mentality and everyone starts focussing on the same stuff. The stuff that brings bucks.

We forget that any person will thrive and bloom best in something that they enjoy doing and not in something that gets them more money. The thrill of getting a fat pay cheque in your account is short-lived but the daily excitement and enthusiasm of doing something that you love doing is priceless and forever. Shouldn't we let our kids enjoy the sunshine and try every experience that they want to. Let them choose what they want to do and encourage and nurture their interests widely. How does it matter if the neighbour's daughter is learning salsa as well as instrumental music? If my daughter just wants to take her cycle out in the garden in the evenings and that gives her happiness, why should we insist in taking up an activity. If my son doesn't enjoy colouring and drawing, why should I insist in him practicing more just because he got a grade lower than most kids in his class. Maybe he got a good grade in another subject which another child might not enjoy as much. Or even if my child did not get a top grade in any activity, does that mean that my child is not capable of anything? Why should grades and levels decide a child's capability?

I look back at my life and I notice that I wasn't a top student in junior school. I struggled with Maths and languages. But later, I became a top scorer in both with almost 100% scores in Maths. Later in life, say in high school, I developed a flair for art and writing. I was good at painting and wrote good poetry and small articles. But, over the years, again my interests changed again and I took on to reading and blogging. Similarly, I believe every child has interests which are developed later and / or which keep changing. Let me call them their gifts which they are lying there untouched. They reach out to them when they feel like and then they cannot be prevented from opening it.

So, to conclude, we as parents need not fret over what our kids are not doing but other kids are doing and we should always remember that: Every child is gifted. They just unwrap their packages at different times.

I won't be this small, Mummy

I found this beautiful poem on the Internet. Now, when my daughter is over 7 years old and has outgrown the below kiddie characteristics (well, if you discount supermarket tantrums though), I can absolutely relate to this.

I won't always cry, Mummy
When you leave the room
And my supermarket tantrums
Will end too soon.

I won't always wake, Mummy
For cuddles through the night
And one day you will miss
Having a chocolate face to wipe.

You won't always wake to find my foot
Is kicking you out of bed
Or find me sideways on your pillow
Where you want to lay your head.

You won't always have to carry me
In asleep from the car
Or piggy back me down the road
When my little legs can't walk that far.

So cherish every cuddle
Remember them all
One day, Mummy
I won't be this small.

- Anonymous

Why India should not rejoice over Nadella's selection as Microsoft's CEO

Ever since Satya Nadella got selected as the new CEO of Microsoft, Indians have been over the moon. The newspapers are filled with editorials dedicated to the "the great Indian elevation" and everyone's swelling with a touch of pride.

However, have we once stopped to ask whether this pride is well deserved? Satya Nadella has not even once referred to his homeland, India, in any of his speeches, blogs, tweets, whatever. He has not been overwhelmed by the Indian love that is pouring all over him. Why? Maybe because he understands that he owes his success more to the US than India. Maybe because he knows that the best decision he ever made was move to the foreign shores because he probably wouldn't ever have attained these heights in India. And why only Satya Nadella? We have many other examples of such immigrants making it big because they managed to move out of the Indian borders. Case in point, Kalpana Chawla, Amartya Sen. One must ask: Why is it that every India-origin person to win a Nobel after independence in the sciences is not an Indian citizen anymore? Hargobind Khurana won the prize for medicine in 1968, Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar for physics in 1983 and Venkatraman Ramakrishnan for chemistry in 2009. And they had all left India far behind.

Who is to blame here? It would be easy to assume that all these people are highly ungrateful for having not thought of their motherland in their hours of glory. But the truth probably is far from that. The truth probably is that, as already mentioned, their motherland did not do anything for them to hand them their hour of glory and had they stuck by her, they probably would have fared no better than the millions of educated professionals, thinkers, entrepreneurs that follow their mundane lives in the hustle bustle of the Indian cities. Indians tend to flourish only when they go abroad. Okay. Let me be honest, even going abroad is not a guarantee that you will fare as well as Nadella, Chawla or Sen. But, at least, there you are only competing on the basis of skills and talent. The only thing probably pulling you down is the lack of the same and not the system itself.

That's right. The root cause of the problem is our system itself. The Indian system of exclusion rather than promotion. Our system is designed to keep the mediocre out and not to promote the extraordinary further. Our IITs and IIMs are designed to be one of the best institutions in the world. But, 99% of our aspirants cannot get in. Half of these may actually get through to any Ivy league college in the US and would also fare well in life. The question is are IITs and IIMs actually honing the skills of the people who are selected? They are the already selecting the best of the best, then why should it be a surprise if these people shine in their lives. What is the value add by these institutes? When the people entering the institution are the best among the best, they will shine no matter what the quality of faculty or the curriculum. Also, after that is the question of what next? Most of the grads from IITs and IIMs grab the placements in MNCs and take the first flight out of India. Why? Probably because the years in these institutes have dawned on them the realisation that IIT and IIM are just brand names whose stamps they have earned, but by and large, it's up to them to give a direction or a boost to their careers.

Well, Nadella did not study in either IIT or IIM. He graduated from Manipal, which is also a good college / university but not in the league of IIT and IIM in India. And he has fared well because just like many others, he flowered only because he had left India, and not because he was an Indian per se. If Satya Nadella had remained in India, he would probably be working as a coder in Infosys or TCS. Earning a high salary no doubt, but an unlikely candidate for CEO. Not much unlike many of our non-IITians are doing nowadays.

Even if we leave education sector apart, we see the Indian system's design to 'keep people out rather than help them get in' in other spheres as well. Our politicians' resort to name-calling and strategies to pull each other down when they actually should be focussing on doing something themselves. It's running in the blood of politics now. So, if Modi talks about a Gujarat model, everybody has to bring it down. If Rahul claims his government's biggest achievement is the RTI, everyone will belittle it. If Chidambaram claims high growth as UPA's success, the Left will say this growth is not helping the poor. So much so that, a candidate with a track record of years of demonstrated development work is being run down as a 'chaiwallah' while a certain nobody who knows nothing about sorting out problems except sitting on 'dharna' and blaming all and sundry (read, Delhi Police, Central Govt., previous CM, etc.) for all the problems of the society is voted in to power and designated as a CM. What a spectacle is being made of the Indian democracy in the world at large when the CM sits on a 'dharna' and sleeps on the road. Maybe Kejriwal needs to remember now that he is not an activist anymore and it's now time to stop acting like one and start delivering on the promises made. Time to pass the buck is long gone now.

In the world of sports also, we felicitate Sachin Tendulkar with the highest civilian honour, Bharat Ratna, when more often than not he played for himself, setting extraordinary records, rather than for the team; while we let Rahul Dravid vanish into an oblivion, when he almost always had put his heart and soul in bailing the team out of difficult situations instead of focussing on his personal records. If the records did come by, they just happened to be incidental. (With all due respect to Sachin, I truly believe that his skill is legendary and beyond par but I also believe that Sachin benefitted more from the Indian team rather than the other way round. Also, I feel that in comparison, Rahul Dravid has been handed an unfair deal when in his case, it was truly the team benefitting from him rather than him from the team). Then again, the younger breed was kept at bay as long as the 'diggaj' were still on the field and the awesome talent of Virat Kohli, Gautam Gambhir, Suresh Raina, Shikhar Dhawan, etc. were brought out only after the likes of Saurav Ganguly, Anil Kumble etc. faded helplessly after the endless struggling days of sub-dued, out-of-form performances. But, actually no bureaucrat in the Indian system had the guts to challenge why they are not bringing forth new players when the old ones are not performing. Another example of our system of exclusion: keep celebrating the past, rather than focus on the future.

So, to conclude, before we felicitate Satya Nadella, we should learn to felicitate a Cyrus Mistry, who broke the family legacy barriers in the omnipresent Tata Industries to take over the reins from Ratan Tata at such a young (comparatively) age. We must learn to discard the 100% cut-off in SRCC and encourage our children to look beyond a ranked college and then offer equal opportunities to students coming out of a Hansraj, Hindu, Venkateshwar College. We must learn to support politicians who have demonstrated development work and not shun bureaucrats like Durga Shakti who actually act instead of sitting on their chairs and do nothing but answer affirmatives to bosses.

Only after we learn to do that and raise as many Satya Nadellas, Indra Nooyis, Kalpana Chawlas and Amartya Sens in India do we have a right to hail them.

Seven complicated facts about women

Seven complicated facts about women:


1.       They believe in saving.

2.       They believe in saving, but buy expensive clothes.

3.       They buy expensive clothes, but never have anything to wear.

4.       They never have anything to wear, but are always dressed beautifully.

5.       They are always dressed beautifully, but are never satisfied.

6.       They are never satisfied, but still expect men to compliment them.

7.       They expect men to compliment them, but don't believe them if they do.

Extremely complicated!!