I surely am not the only one to go through this. Most people are sometimes or the other used by others for their ulterior motive. So was I.
I have been thinking off late that how could I not see it then? Or, maybe I could, at least in some cases, but did not accept it and did not admit it then. But, now when I look back, some of it looks all too obvious.
My best friend in school; with whom I stayed glued for almost seven years. She basked in all the glory of being the closest accomplice to a good student (at the risk of being immodest, I was actually one of the top rankers often addressed by the teachers in common terminology as a "good student"). I was exempted from classes on and off to participate in and practice for debates, extempore, quizzes, school magazine editorials and also assist the teachers in art work for various events. She was by default excused on pretext of helping me with stuff. Every teacher and student who knew me would also know her and she used that quite to her advantage. But, as we moved out of school, she severed all ties with me. I tried to keep in touch but to no avail. I have gone through major ups and downs in life thereafter but she wasn't there to share the pain. Instead, I found a very dear friend in another girl who was also close to this old school friend of mine; and my new friend (should I be calling her new when I knew her for just as long although we were not so close in school?) has stuck on with me through thick and thin. I lost my childhood friend but gained an understanding that "A friend in need is a friend indeed".
Then there was this person, whom I entrusted my life and my future. What did I not do for him? I confided in him and bore open my soul. I gave up every ambition, every dream, every friend, and every relation for him. I would help him in everyday things and also in his work. He would tell me that we would have a very good life soon once his current pursuits bear fruit and I believed him. I was cursed to a life I hated but took it with grace because I had adopted his dreams for myself. Somewhere deep down I knew I was being used, but I had trust in the relationship and I had hoped all would be well soon and once the struggles are over, we would have a much better life. I hoped he would realize my worth one day. However, that day was never to come. He cheated on me and treated me like dirt. When I stood by my principles, I was asked to leave. I did leave, never to turn back and look. I lost love but gained wisdom that one should not change oneself in "love" so much as to loose one's identity; and remember that if the other person really loves you, he/she would accept you for what you are.
I was lucky to get my life back on track after the disaster of a failed relationship and a break in a booming career, thanks to the education and backing my parents have provided me with. I feel blessed to have a good respectable profession and be in a comfortable situation to fulfill my responsibilities. I truly believe that God has granted me these blessings because I have never knowingly done any wrong to anyone. I try and continue to do so no matter my past experiences in the hope that the Lord Almighty would continue to shower me with his blessings. I meet many people on a day-to-day basis and try my best to help them in any way I can. There was this girl, over-enthusiastic, euphoric for no reason and filled with all the romance a teenage girl well-protected from the evils of a professional organization can imbibe (though she was well in her late twenties). Not being used to the corporate culture, she felt hurt when asked to conform to the dictates of the organization structure and reporting lines. Fortunately or unfortunately, I happened to be her line manager for a while. Although I might have been strict at times, but, I did my best to guide her whenever required; correct her when she committed mistakes; shielded her when she couldn't meet her expectations; and rescued her when she was being made a perfect corporate scapegoat. Eventually, she did manage to achieve a role transfer she had been trying for since over a year. I even helped her in transition, taking over tasks which she was required to accomplish as part of the handover so that she is relieved easily. But, what did I get in return? She spread lies about me among some of my good friends leading to the breaking of some healthy friendships. I lost the goodwill of a friend but I gained an understanding of the length to which a person would go to achieve his/her own motives and appear innocent and genuine.
Last but certainly not least, there was this guy, my peer at work, who was going through a personal and professional hell. He found a good friend in me when he was going through the toughest time of his life. He would seek advice from me on personal matters; would ask for my honest opinion on the happenings in his life; would discuss his next course of action; would seek my view on the worst case scenarios; would vent his anger and disappointment at any minor occurrence; and would in general tell me every now and then how much he trusted me and valued me as a "true" friend. And then, the "true" friend suddenly became "a liar with double standards" as soon as a third party spread a few lies and baseless rumours about me. All the trust suddenly vanished and he did not even have the courtesy to explain to me what happened and what the issues for differences were. I tried to talk and sort it out but he did not even afford me a decent chance to do so because one person whom he earlier described as "immature", "lacking own judgment or opinion", "brainless and prude" suddenly became a forlorn younger sister he never had and my friendship was easily forgotten. I was hurt because this time I did not see this coming and I still do not completely understand what transpired, but, I still continue to be gracious in any conversation / interaction with him and the person I attribute his attitude change to. I lost a confidant but I gained wisdom that there is only so much that you can do and that sometimes it's better to realize the worth of the person you are being good to before even being nice to him/her.
I learnt my lessons each time I was used by someone for his/her ulterior motives. So, I do not regret these people coming into my life and being a part of it. If at all, I have become wiser as a person, more mature in my conduct to people, more choosy in befriending people and hopefully more enlightened as to the people worthy of being nice to. I do not regret my past; I only choose to be more careful in future. And this is my Tribute to the People who brought this positive change in me.
