Parents: Rights and obligations!

In a landmark judgement, the Supreme Court recently has said that an unwed mother in India can become the sole legal guardian of a child without the consent of the father. This has sparked a debate on social media about the rights of the biological father when he does not marry the mother of his child for some reason.

I came across a gentleman who not only disagreed with the judgement but felt that irrespective of the situation, a biological father should have rights on the child and the mother should not only keep him updated but also take all important decisions related to the child in “consultation”. I felt just so angry listening to his views no matter how politely they were rendered. They were seething of male chauvinism. A man may choose not to fulfil any of his responsibilities but he still should enjoy the rights.

Also, I feel that Supreme Court should take a similar stand in case of divorced / separated parents where one parent, especially fathers, ceases to fulfil his / her duties. The schools, passport offices, government institutions still insist on Biological father's details in school even if the father has had nothing to do with the child, either socially or financially. They even insist on stating those details on ID Cards, Report Cards etc. as a permanent reminder to the child that he/she has a father who doesn't care at all for him/her. And let me tell you as a single mother of an 8-year old child whose father last saw her when she was 1 and half years old that it is very very frustrating for the child.

I firmly believe that one does not become a parent just by giving birth to a child. And mind you, I say parent and not father because this equally applies to both father and mother. A parent becomes a parent by living, breathing and existing as a parent - by providing the child with love, care, emotional and physical security, the sense of belongingness and the confidence of a support and a strong foundation. That's what makes adoptive parents as parents. And if biological parents cannot provide their child with that, they should have no right as a parent.

Addendum: July 2016

Recently, Delhi High Court ruled that a mother who is single-handedly bringing up her children can have their passports made without the father's name. However, the particulars of the case were very specific where the father of the child had abandoned the mother and child even before the birth of the child. The mother had since got all papers (birth certificate, school admission, etc.) done without fathers name. As it happens with all court judgements, the same is applied to only cases with exactly same circumstances.

However, there are still single parents (mostly mothers but also assume some fathers) who are in a similar situation where they are single-handedly bringing up their children without any presence (emotional, physical, social or financial) of the other parent in the child's life who are struggling to get the other parent's name off an existing passport. There is a plea to the government to modify the rules to accommodate such requests. Please sign the petition. It is a very genuine request more from the children rather than the parents. Every single parent child has a right to be associated with the parent who stood by him / her, be it the mother and the father.