Disclaimer: I am not sure whether divorced males also go through the same harassment. For all I know, they might. Hence, I am keeping this article as gender neutral as possible. However, I must warn you that since it is based on my personal experiences, some people might find it reeking with ‘Feminism’.
Situation 1
After being forced to include my 'spouse's name' in my passport just two months before my mutual consent divorce at the time of renewal, I was now faced with a situation where I had to get it removed now that the divorce was finalized. Because of the harrowing experience I had had with the authorities, I had managed to procrastinate and put it off as much as I could, but I realized that I had to eventually get it done. I found out about an agent who helped with anything related to passport. So, basically he charged me a fee and he filled my application, paid passport fee, secured an appointment and arranged my documents (read checked whether I have arranged all required documents). I handed him my documents in the third week of February.
Me: How long does this take? I am asking because I will have to travel sometime in last week of May and will also need time for Visa.
Agent: Oh! May is too far yet. The process nowadays is very quick. I’ll arrange your appointment within a week, and we will apply for a "post-verification". So, you will have your passport within 4 days of your appointment. The police verification will keep on happening later.
The sly agent then kept making excuses and only managed an appointment for 11th April.
Me: Isn't it too close for travel? What if there's a delay?
Agent: Naa, naa! You don’t worry! I know people there. We will apply for a "post-verification". So, you will have your passport within 4 days of your appointment.
So, I went for my appointment. Luckily, contrary to my previous experience, the appointment went very smoothly. I expected some nasty questions about my divorce but there were absolutely none. I was happy about the whole routine; until I got the acknowledgement for my application, that is, for my acknowledgement clearly mentioned "pre-verification". Almost panicking, I called my agent who very conveniently hadn't even shown up at the 'Passport Seva Kendra' (PSK) that day.
Me: Madan* ji, my acknowledgement says "pre-verification". I thought you applied for "post-verification".
Agent: Naa naa ji, I cannot choose that option while applying. They themselves decide.
Me: But, what do we do now? I have to travel in the last week of May and I will need 15-20 days for the Visa as well.
Agent: Oh ho, don't worry! Just relax! Nowadays passports come well before 30 days. You'll have enough time for the Visa.
Me: That's okay. But what if it doesn't? I don’t want to be tethered to the hook till the last minute.
Agent: Nothing like that would happen. I am there naa? I will get everything sorted.
As it happened, my passport did not come back till 40 days and while my agent blissfully gave me excuses and stories, I was running between Police Station to Passport Verification Cell in the Commissioner's office and pleading just about anyone for expediting the process including the very efficient and tech-savvy MEA and RPO on twitter. (Well, a short note of thanks to them who eventually printed and dispatched me the passport within hours after police verification report was submitted.) All this while, I called my agent at least thrice everyday only to have the same conversation every time.
Me: Madan ji, what’s the status?
Agent: Ma'am, the status is same. The police verification report is pending.
Me: Please do something. I need my passport.
Agent: Ma'am, what can I do? I have no control over the police verification report.
Me: You got me into it. You filed the application so late and then you didn't even get it in "post-verification" like you promised.
Agent: I never promised "post-verification". Your case is not even eligible for "post-verification".
Me: What do you mean?
Agent: Ma'am, divorce cases never go for "post-verification" or "tatkal". They only go for "pre-verification".
Me: What? What stupidity is that? What does my divorce have to do with police verification? The police will not check my marital status. They only ask for address proof, identity proof and signatures of two neighbours stating that I live where I say I live.
Agent: I know ma'am. But it is always so in legal matters.
Me: Legal matters? There is no legal matter here. It's all sorted and I have submitted a decree of divorce from a competent court as part of my documents. Am I some criminal or what?
Agent: I can understand ma'am. But it is what it is. Divorce cases never go for "post-verification" or "tatkal". That’s standard procedure.
Seething with fury, I shut up because I knew that nothing could be done now. What hurts is that not only I am being harassed because I am divorced, but even my child is not "eligible" to get her passport under "post-verification" or "tatkal" ever because of her parent’s marital status. And she didn't even choose our divorce. But, that is standard procedure.
Situation 2
The very next day of getting my passport in hand, I apply for the business visa. The guidelines say that there should be clear 10 working days between the date of application and the date of travel. In my case, it is at best 10 days and not 10 working days. Still my company pulls some strings through their headquarters in the country I want to visit and my application gets accepted and I am called in the VFS to submit my documents. The agents there are generally helpful and friendly and they tell me that my documents are in order until one of them (let's call him Agent 1) scans through my application to see whether it’s complete:
Agent 1: Ma'am, are you divorced?
Me: Yes.
Agent 1: Ma'am, have you attached a proof of divorce?
Me: No.
Agent 1: Ma'am, we would need a proof of divorce from you. Are you carrying it?
Me: No. It was not mentioned in the list of documents on your website or by the travel agent my company deals with.
Agent 1: Not an issue ma'am. I will give you my email id, you can mail it to me today. I assume it would be a decree of divorce that you will have.
Me: Sir, I'm sorry, but, I don't understand. Why do you need my decree of divorce? What does it have to do with my travel? I am applying for a business visa. I am travelling for company work on a trip entirely paid for by my company. I am not even mixing it with leisure or tourism. And I have provided you all documents to substantiate that. Where does decree of divorce come into the picture?
Agent 1: Yes, ma'am; but we need a proof of your marital status.
Me: Do you ask for marriage certificates from people who are married?
Agent 1 burst into a laughter and then looks at the serious expression on my face and controls himself.
Me: You think I am being funny?
Agent 1: No ma'am.
Me: So, please answer my question. Do you ask for marriage certificates from people who are married? Or unmarried people for that matter? Do you ask them to prove they are unmarried?
Agent 1: No ma'am.
Me: No. You don't ask for proof of marital status from married or unmarried people then why do you need proof of marital status from me? Right now, I'm single or unmarried. That's it.
Agent 1: Look ma'am, I can understand that you are upset about being asked for a document that is not mentioned in the list.
Me: Look sir, you need to understand that I am upset about being asked for a document that has got nothing to do with my business trip and moreover that is not asked from other people at all. I do not understand why my case should be treated any differently.
Agent 1 is quiet and looks lost but he still manages an answer: Yes ma'am, but it is standard procedure.
"Standard procedure" again; and by now I am fairly pissed off. But I shut up because I need my Visa to be processed as soon as possible and I didn't want to create any situation that may delay the process.
A while later, my will power is further tested when another agent (let's call him Agent 2) who was standing right behind Agent 1 was asked to hand over a folder so that Agent 1 who was entering my data in the system could put my papers in it. Agent 2 suddenly glances over my marital status just as Agent 1 was turning the page. He stops Agent 1 and puts his finger on the word divorced.
Agent 2: Ugh, ma'am… Are you divorced? Ma'am we would need a proof of your…
Agent 1, looking a bit embarrassed, immediately stops him by hand and fumbles with a weak "I've already told her and she will mail it to me". I just look at him and don't answer.
Agent 2: Okay. But please do it today itself because we won't be able to process your application otherwise and I see that you need the Visa as early as possible.
Me (impatiently): Okay. If you need it so urgently, I have a scan in my laptop which I have submitted outside at the baggage counter. I can show it to you right away if it's what you want.
Agent 1: No ma'am, no need. You can mail it to me. I've mentioned my email id here.
Agent 1 (now looking at Agent 2 who was unable to understand why I was so irritated): Ma'am will do it today.
Situation 3
This incident is from a year ago and I had vented part of my frustration after the incident in my blogpost here. The incident happened in my daughter's schools (we had just shifted her to a new one) where the school Registrar insisted on biological father's details in school even if the father has had nothing to do with the child, either socially or financially. She maintained that she is just "following the law" and granting rights to the biological parent. No matter how much I tried to reason, she insisted on stating those details on ID Cards, Report Cards etc. as a permanent reminder to my child that she has a father who doesn't care at all for her. Well, my daughter has overcome that now but let me tell you that it was very frustrating for her initially. More so because they held back her ID card and Almanac until I relented and allowed them in writing to put the name in their records and even "reimbursed" the costs they had incurred on printing the "incorrect ID Cards" (And there were 3 of them including Parents ID Cards). Talk about blackmailing!
Anyway, at that time, they had convinced me – verbally of course because they never give any such commitment in writing – that for all practical purposes I would be the guardian and my details would be used. Then, three months down the line, we received a "Doctor-on-call" card from school which states the person to be contacted and their details in case of any emergency, primarily medical, that the child may be in. The card conveniently carried the father's details there.
Needless to say I was irked and I showed up at the Registrar office with the card.
Me (after explaining the situation): Ma'am, I was promised by you that you will put a remark in my daughter's file that I would be the one who would be referred to in all scenarios as a parent and guardian. What is this all about then?
Registrar (very casually): Relax ma'am! It’s just an oversight.
Me: Oversight? You call this oversight? This card is to be used in a medical emergency. My ex-husband, and I know him better than you, will not react to any such situation you contact him about. Which essentially means that there is no one who will be there if – God forbid – my daughter is in a situation.
Registrar: Ma'am. You are over reacting. We are not responsible for this. We only share details of all students with the outsourced vendor who is the card-issuer and putting the father's name as person to be contacted is just the process they follow.
Me: Oh really? First, you did not ask my, or for that matter any parent's, consent before sharing my daughter's details with an outsourced vendor. Second, you are making a generalization and define a process whereby only fathers will be contacted in case of emergency. If you are so hell-bent on including both parents' names on the ID card then why not here?
Registrar: Ma'am there is space for only one name on the card.
Me: What? Wow! That baffles me now. You are so particular about "following the law" and then you deny me "equal rights as a guardian" which the SC has allowed me as a mother simply because there’s no space on the card.
Registrar (coolly smiling and thus getting more and more on my nerves): Ma'am, there's nothing of that sort. We respect your rights as a guardian, this is just standard procedure.
Me: Standard procedure?
Registrar: Yes. However, I understand your concern and we attach a lot of importance to that card. So, obviously we would not like the wrong person to be stated on that card. We will take down your request for a new card and we will issue one to you. Please write an application on a plain paper and append that card with it. Then give it to the admin department along with the card charges. That would be Rs. 200/-. Your daughter will get a new card with your details next week.
Although I was boiling with rage here, I shut up because after all it was my daughter's school and I didn't want her to suffer any further. As I patiently wait for the school to put my name instead of my ex-husband's in the fee invoices and receipts as well even after being associated with the school for over a year, I have by now come to terms with the fact that it's nothing but 'standard procedure' and that as long as my office payroll department and the Income Tax Authorities accept them as valid Investment proofs, I should be okay to live with it.
*name changed.
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