Bringing up our sons like our daughters: Is it too much to ask?

Early morning as I sipped my tea and browsed through my Facebook timeline, I read a post on one of the "Mom" groups I follow. The post was as follows (and I quote verbatim):

One of my students, is about to play the nationals in football. When she broke the news yesterday, naturally there were cheers all around, except for a boy. He just could not believe that girls could play football and this good.
Bend it like Beckam has not reached his house obviously.
This response is surprising as he is part of an affluent society and has travelled abroad.
Somethings can never change? I refuse to believe!
Can we as Mothers, do our bit for gender bending?
No saying " Don't cry like a girl!"
"Don't sit like a boy! Sit like a lady!"
"Don't be a wimp!"
"What are you doing with needles and thread?That is a girl's domain"
"Learn to cook! What will happen to you after marriage?"
"Bulk up! You are a boy!! And Ditch those hideous pastels"
"Watch your weight! Be dainty and dress in pretty pinks"
Bunkum!
Teach both boys and girls to be life ready. Teach them how to budget, cook, wash, iron, mop and dust.

Image courtesy: Google search

Just as I read through the post, I realised that it is very easy for me to appreciate what had been written and even practice it because I am a mother of a girl. As our society gets educated and mindsets change, we start equating our girls with boys and bring them up like boys. I never tell my daughter to sit like a girl, not play heavy-duty sports or learn to cook. I do tell her that you'll have to learn to drive when you grow up and look for a job and be independent. But, I think that is the easy part - bringing up our daughters like our sons; calling them beta or "you are a son to me". The difficult part is bringing up our boys like girls. I think as mothers, it is our duty to ensure that we sensitise our sons also like our daughters. THAT I think is the more important bit and that is yet to happen even in the educated society.

In fact, as I browsed through the comments of the said post, I noticed how all people - and all were WOMEN themselves - were only talking about how they are ensuring that their daughters are being raised like sons. Not a single lady mentioned how their sons are being raised like daughters. It's kind of sad to me.

We have to realise that the responsibility of equality is equally if not more on a mother of a son. The whole dynamics of our society as it exists today has to change and the mothers will eventually have to pick up this baton to bring this change; especially the mothers of boys.

The Kashmir debate!

Disclaimer: This post is as non-political as it could be. It is neither an analysis of the situation in Kashmir, nor an on opinion on who is correct and who isn't. And this post definitely does not propagate, cultivate or promote any solution to the current situation. This is simply my own opinion on the debate around Kashmir that is going on. Read at your own risk!

Everybody knows the situation in Kashmir today where the locals are clashing with the Indian Army post the killing of Burhan Wani, the commander of Kashmiri militant group Hizbul Mujahideen whose social media campaign had an outreach among a section of Kashmiri Muslim youth. He was killed in an encounter with the Indian security forces on 8 July 2016. He is being claimed as a martyr by the radical Muslim groups and their supporters now.

I have a very clear viewpoint about the Kashmir situation. I support the rights of Kashmiri Pandits and I do feel that they deserve their homes back. I am also against Article 370 and I feel that Kashmir (at least the part under the Indian Control) is part of India and should have the same laws of the land, and same rights as well, as the rest of India. But looking at the current situation where people of Kashmir are supporting the neighbouring country and openly supporting the terror groups, I think there is no option but to run it the way it has been running for last many years.

However, recent events are really sad. The way people have come out in protest over killing of a terrorist is shocking. News channels, social media and even people here are sympathising with Wani. And for me this is somewhat unfathomable. I fail to understand how someone can support a terrorist. Would you support someone who tries to divide your home into two? Would you support someone who drives you or your family out of your house? Would you support someone who tries to kill your family members? And in such a scenario would you not do anything, and by all means anything to protect yourself and your family, even if it means seriously hurting or killing the perpetrator? I would. You would too.

Anyway, Kashmir is a very sensitive topic and I generally not talk about it openly; not because I'm scared but because I don't want to hurt the sentiments of some of my friends who feel opposite of what I feel albeit just as strongly if not more. It's almost like commenting on your family or home. I am a proud Indian and most of the times I cannot tolerate anybody showing my country in poor light. (I'm the kind that when everybody hailed Slumdog Millionaire, I on the contrary felt offended by such a mean and depressive generalisation of my country when there's so much more to it than the slums of Dharavi.) So, I can understand what Kashmiris feel about Kashmir.

But having said that, my opinion about Burhan Wani and all so called "freedom warriors" as well as the media and people supporting them is exactly how Arnab Goswami had put in words on his TV show recently.

As I said I restrain on commenting or arguing on posts supporting Kashmir militancy. But one of these days, I could not restrain myself. All over Facebook I saw posts dedicated to Aamir Nazir, a young gentleman killed in police firing to dispel the protestors. (Well, kindly ignore the word gentleman as I myself have my doubts about his gentleness really). So in one of the posts that implied that he was an innocent person killed by the armed forces, I happened to point out that there were army personnel and even their families which were being attacked as well and they are just as human as Aamir Nazir, if we even for the sake of the argument assume that he was just an innocent bystander. (In the police version, Aamir had pelted stones on the armed personnel but the people supporting Aamir claim that the Government of a India is forcing media to publish this "fabricated story"). Guess what happened, I was trolled and even called out using abusive language despite the fact that I had even very politely mentioned that I had no intention to argue and that I respect the other person's viewpoint. Yes, that happens to normal people like me too and not just celebrities.

Then today I saw these videos where the images which the media doesn't show were highlighted. Videos which shows how the so called innocents are pelting stones, sticks and torches on the armed forces. The soldiers of the Indian Army who have no personal interest and are doing all this for the country and for us are bearing the brunt of the "misguided people". I hope these people some day understand what is good for them and choose peace and choose their own country. Till then and forever, I proudly stand by the Indian Army.

Watch the video here.

Bhai ko toh 100 khoon maaf hain!!

Salman Khan is an absolute embodiment of how a man should not be. Not only is he woman disrespecting, violent, human and animal killing criminal with deeply regressive and repulsive views, but he is also an egotistical, self-centred, spoilt brat who believes he can get away with anything. But what is worse is that he can and has actually gotten away with anything. He has indeed gotten away with things that normally destroy and ruin others.

He has gotten away with drunk driving leading to killing of people with nothing more than a few visits to court and a spend of about Rs. 25 crores, which is hardly about one-eighth of what each of his films earn and far less than what he himself charges for each film. He did not even spend one night in lock-up. And yet on the day the court was to pass their judgement on the case, social media was roaring in support of the killer and not the victim.

When Salman Khan was accused by his ex-girlfriend, Aishwarya Rai, of harassing her, thus adding on to previous claims of physical violence against his other ex-girlfriends Somi Ali and even Sangeeta Bijlani; the same millions of people who talk against domestic violence and crimes against women, stood by him and degraded Aishwarya Rai to be a scheming, conniving and vile woman who used Vivek Oberoi and Abhishek Bachchhan to get rid of Salman Khan. (And I wouldn't blame her even if she did use them after all it is not easy to get rid of Salman Khan).

Even as he was convicted of killing an animal of an endangered species, his bhakts chose to describe him as a very sensitive and empathetic person who is a gift to humanity because he floated a NGO by the name of Being Human. How they all fail to see that it is just a front to improve his public image along with adding on to his earnings via sales of fan merchandise is totally beyond me.

Everybody knew about his underworld links and yet Preity Zinta was chastised for speaking up against her fellow industry people. And it wasn't just Preity Zinta, anyone who speaks up against Salman Bhai ends up with a doomed career no matter what a powerhouse of talent he/she is - à la Vivek Oberoi. This talent-less, spoilt brat who has gotten to where he is only because of who he's related and connected to and what some may describe as good looks, somehow has the power to ruin careers of people much more talented and deserving than himself.

If we look at the recent events, he has the gall to imply that he is qualified to be India's ambassador to the Olympics, when he had no sports accomplishments to his name; he has the guts to say that women are vices, when he is a famed womaniser and casanova himself; he had the ill sense of claiming that Yakub Memon is innocent and that he should not be hanged for the acts of his brother Tiger Memon, when the Apex court had ruled otherwise; and he actually had the audacity to compare the fatigue of shooting for a film, that he shouldn't even have been part of, to feeling like a raped woman, when he himself is a brother of two women on whom he declares he dotes. But he got away with everything. The egotistical bum he is, he didn't even apologise for his insensitive remarks, and his father apologised on his behalf. Now, he is not some 5-year old kid that his parents had to apologise for his thoughtless deeds. He is a 50-year old man who is revered by millions and billions of people and who should be focusing on rather becoming an example to be emulated. Yet he steered clear even when he was directly asked if he thought what he said was wrong.

But, the question is why can he get away with all this and more? Why when even stupid references to intolerance by Shah Rukh Khan and Aamir Khan land them in trouble and lead their films to failure, Salman Khan lands up with a bigger hit than before? Why do the same people - media, radio jockeys, normal people - who criticise him for his unpardonable remark suddenly start hailing him when his movie releases and even claims that he has "shut his critics' mouths" with his performance. (And for the record, I haven't seen Sultan and I have no intention to, but even then I can give it on a stamp paper that it cannot be some Oscar worthy performance coming out from Salman). Why does a talented person like Arijit Singh have to apologise to him on a public forum fearing that his career will be finished merely by offending Salman? Why is a woman like Sona Mohapatra, who actually takes a stand and calls Salman out for his deeds, has to face harassment from haters and trolls calling her R****, W****, S***, and what not? Why do industry big-wigs - like Farhan Akhtar, Mahesh Bhatt, Anurag Kashyap, Alyque Padamsee - who take a stand on almost everything keep quiet when it comes to Salman Bhai and on the contrary support him and share the stage with him on International Forums like IIFA?

Who has given that kind of power to one person?

The answer is simple: Us! We the people! Salman Khan is surrounded by scores of sycophants who will never go against him. He has an army of bhakts, who probably don't worship him despite his transgressions, but because of them, since he, with all his undeserved privilege, is the living embodiment of all that they want to be. And the billions of fans, who turn their blind eye to all his vices and hail him like anything. We the people have ignored Bollywood's reprehensible nepotism for decades, and now we're at a point where this man's clout makes the industry's most talented people - singers, music directors, actors and especially actresses - grovel before him fearing that they will lose his fans if they take a stand against him. We the people have catapulted him to a position where nothing he can do can possibly affect him, since he has the might and power to get away with anything.

But the fact is that it says more about us as a society than about this one man who is merely using the power we have given him. Yeah, he is laughing and the joke is really on us here!