I was once told that I have an attitude problem. I did not retaliate because by giving back to that person, I would have proved him right. The thing is that I do not have an attitude problem. I have an attitude and that person has a problem with my attitude. And honestly, that is not my problem.
I have a (maybe bad) habit of voicing my opinion and calling a spade a spade. I do this every single time without fail and without caring about the reactions of other people. The approach I follow is simple and democratic. I say what I think and what I feel is right but then I do not fight back to uphold my opinion. I let others speak and express whatever they think is right. "To each his own" is my philosophy. Many times people have expressed 'different' or 'contradicting' views. Often I have been rudely condemned and have faced people's ire for that too (thankfully restricted to social media). But I have never retaliated. People can think about it whatever they want. They can assume that I am not fighting back because I am scared of them or that I am weak. They can happily regale in their assumption that they put me down and that I failed to overpower them. Again... To each his own. I just do not feel the need of getting everyone to agree with me.
Just last week something similar happened. I spoke up about something I felt strongly about (and I always try to maintain a polite language and try not to put anyone down). Still, a person whom I considered a good friend (and about whom I had recognized long back that she has a very different way of thinking than me), got a bit worked up because she did not agree with me. Within minutes I had lost a friend for voicing an opinion different to hers. I was surprised a bit that people are not mature enough to accept others feeling differently about the same issue and they find it difficult to co-exist peacefully with - leave alone respect - others having a different point of view. But then, I still do not regret saying what I felt.
Then today, a colleague chatting with another colleague of mine suddenly fell silent as I approached his table in the cafeteria. When I asked what happened and he could not suddenly make up something for me, he admitted that he had been talking about men's rights activism and how he felt about women using the laws in their favour to harass men. I smiled and told him that I agree to what he has said and that there have been cases, a couple about whom I know personally too, where this has been a case. Yet, those are still few in number and the most number of cases are genuinely where women have faced harassment. He started arguing that those are the thing of the past and that the laws are archaic and need to be changed. I did not then challenge back or justify my views. He was all into debate mood by then and kept on repeating his argument again and again. I just sat there, smiled and drank my tea. He tried hard to instigate a reaction. When he couldn't get one, he very stoutly said, "See, even you are convinced that I am right." I smiled and said, "Not yet but unlike you, I am not trying to convince you that I am right." He was taken aback a bit. I then very calmly told him that irrespective of what I think, he still has a right to have a different opinion and speak it up in front of me and I would do the same in front of him. I will not belittle him or judge him for having an opinion different than mine and I hope he would not judge me either. To be honest, even if he does judge me for having views different than his own, I will make sure that it will not impact me at all or for long. Thankfully, we parted the tea party in a joyful mood happily bidding each other a nice day.
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I was not always like that. There was a time when people's opinion about me mattered to me. I just wanted to be in everybody's good books. I would not speak out my views clear cut lest I might offend someone. And it all would bottle up inside me and mess with my head. I was - and still am - a person who had an opinion of her own, sometimes different than the opinion of people around me. I also realized the need of speaking out my opinion clear and loud but I wouldn't because of the fear of condemnation. It has taken me years of struggle, self-analysis and self-discovery to develop the nonchalant attitude towards what people may think of me for speaking out. I am now more confident than ever in the knowledge that I do not need other people's acceptance to be a nice person and what people think about me is irrelevant to my existence. This 'devil-may-care-attitude' which may not go down well with some people is actually a well thought out decision. And now, giving up this attitude for the fear of losing out on 'friends' is actually too big a price for me to keep people around me. I will not stifle my voice just to be with others who cannot respect me for having an opinion, even if it is different than theirs. And one thing is sure... I do not intend to change for anybody's acceptance.
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