From frustrated to fiercely independent!!

I have evolved greatly as a person over the last few years. It has not been an easy journey, but, I am happy about the way I have handled it. I am proud of where I have reached but I have faith in where I can go.

Being in a bad relationship is not easy. You cannot decide whether you should stick on or let go. The decision is especially difficult when you have kids. You tend to continue and hold on for their sake. This can be very frustrating - actually very very very frustrating. And then comes a blow that breaks everything apart. The oft quoted 'final straw' is gone and you are forced to choose.

Choose between the socially acceptable and familiar but miserable life or the unknown, unfamiliar and maybe socially stigmatised life. I would say a very very difficult decision to make. In my case I chose the latter. Somehow the decision was entirely guided by what was best for my child and yet it was against what the society would have considered best for her.

I asked myself, "what would be better for her - growing up in peace with a single caring parent even if society asks a few uncomfortable questions or growing up in a strife engulfed household with an uncaring father and a frustrated and depressed mother always arguing and bickering even if the society thinks all is hunky dory?"

I decided in favour of former but not without giving the latter a chance. Friends and Family felt that I should try working out a reconciliation. Went in for mediation. I tried, he didn't, I was done.

People said it wasn't going to be easy. I said, "Okay, maybe not. But I am determined to make it happen." I decided that other people's opinion needn't become my destiny. My father said to me, "My child, never ever under any circumstances, give up on life. Because when the going gets tough, only the tough get going." I was determined to make him proud of me. I hope I have and I continue to do so.

I have since moved from frustrated to independent to fiercely independent. I have learned to take life head on and fight it out. I have faltered at times. True. But, then, life is like a boxing ring. It's not the one who falls down who loses but the one who falls and fails to get up.

I don't say I have never made mistakes nor do I guarantee that I won't do so in future. Life doesn't come with a set of instructions, after all. But I guarantee that I don't intend to go down without a fight. That I am sure of.