Five things you experience as an independent divorced woman

I have always been a part of the cultured educated world and I had always assumed that with education and global exposure, India has moved ahead leaps and bounds and progressed away from the chauvinist, sexist mindsets in our lot. But over the years I have realized – generally through my personal experiences – that most of this progress is only superfluous. Even among the so-called modern, liberal-minded educated lot, you would find many an orthodox and even perverted people.

Moreover, if you happen to be an educated, independent and divorced woman in India, you will definitely be exposed to above-mentioned attitude as you go ahead to experience the following:

1. People assume your life is miserable: I had some time back written a post about how the general attitude of all people – male and female – you meet and happen to disclose your divorced status to, suddenly demonstrate reactions ranging from sympathy to outright pity. It is a fact that general mindset is to assume that you are divorced, so you are living a miserable and a traumatic life. Seriously, why is it so difficult for people to understand that a divorced woman can also have a happy and content life. For a confident independent woman, a husband is a partner and not an anchor. She doesn't normally need a man in her life to save her. She can do very well on her own. Thank you!
2. Women assume you are on the look-out for men: In India especially, even to this day, the society binds a woman’s happiness and the meaning of her life to a man. So it is automatically assumed that a divorced woman is on the look-out for a man to emotionally cling on to. And not just a man, a much married man too. Moreover, at times all of a sudden your married friends become really protective of their husbands even if you talk to them with normal expected courtesy; as if the poor divorced woman has nothing better to do in life than to pounce over your husband and steal him from you. Honestly, your silly little husband is not some teddy bear that anybody can pick up and walk away with; and if it is likely to be so; then you seriously need to re-think your relationship with your husband. Also, even men need to understand that if a divorced woman is talking to you or being generally friendly, she is not giving you a ‘hint’ or ‘line’. Just because she is divorced you do not get the licence to flirt or assume that the woman may be interested in you.
3. Male friends and acquaintances suddenly become overtly friendly: This is just so common. Like I said, men simply assume that if a woman is divorced, they have a right to flirt with her. In fact, I can almost sympathise with their wives and can even somewhat understand why they may act so possessive of their husbands. Well... at least in case of some of them. Once a divorced woman, like me, is fairly open and casual about her relationship status, all of sudden their male friends and acquaintances become overtly friendly. One person I used to work with ages ago and whom I had never met or even talked to since then, one day found out that my marriage did not survive. Next I know, every few weeks he starts messaging me at odd hours in the night. “Hey, what’s up? Are you still awake?” Turns out whenever his wife is away to her parents’ place, he is conveniently reminded of me. It happened once, and then again. But, the third time over I stopped entertaining his messages irrespective of the no. of “Hi” he sent me; though I admit that the last time round he tried contacting me again, albeit in vain, I had a very strong urge to block him forever. Maybe the next time I will. However, the fact is that he is not the only one. There are many others – former colleagues or clients with whom you have only interacted formally until now; normal acquaintances you meet at social gatherings, workshops etc. They all suddenly develop this very special deep bond of friendship over Whatsapp and Facebook Messengers. Seriously, these messenger services are a sudden boon to perverts. And though I do not normally respond to any messages of my male friends at night and even during the day I generally chat with them like I would chat with my other friends (considering that some of them are colleagues or even family friends or related to my daughter’s friends and it’s not nice to simply block them or tell them off); it’s not like I'm a fool to not be able to gauge their intentions. Nevertheless, I very well know where to draw a line.
4. Friends and relatives are always curious to know when you are getting married again: Well, it is the job of the relatives to always pester singles with when are you getting hitched questions; but once you are divorced it becomes the hottest interest in your life for other people. Be it friends, sometimes even colleagues and of course your relatives who keep on asking, “Aur? Dobara shaadi-waadi nahin karni?” or “Fir se shaadi kab kar rahi hai?”. Some of them even tend to sympathise, “Don’t worry, you’ll definitely find someone nice, who will also take care of your daughter.” Oh come on people, get a life. And please let me live mine.
5. Co-workers and subordinates assume you are taking out the frustration of your life on them: This too is quite common. The moment you disagree with someone at work for anything, no matter howsoever trivial; the moment you give any kind of a hard time to anybody at work; and even if you are generally really nice and sweet to all other wise; the first reaction is, “What the hell? Apni life ki frustration hum pe kyun utaar rahi hai? Pati-wati se bani nahin aur saari khundak office aake hum pe utarti hai.” Yeah… My office colleagues and subordinates are serving as my favourite punching bag because I am just so pissed off with my life that I would not even consider trading it off with any different one.