Men nowadays... Contemporary, educated, modern and still unknowingly chauvinistic!

Just yesterday I was reading this article about why women in India are falling in love with the character of Amarendra Bahubali from the movie ‘Bahubali 2: The Conclusion’. “The prime reason, one gathers from observing women-only social media groups silently, is that Amarendra Baahubali stands up for his wife,” the article says. “Really. Not his ability to uproot trees or ride bulls with flaming horns. Just his ability to say, ‘Amma, you’re wrong.’” The article further concludes, “Considering ‘Baahubali’ falls into the genre of an epic (where mummy sentiment thrives), this contemporary rendering of Amarendra Baahubali’s character is surprising and refreshing. Yes, it’s kind of sad that our expectations from men in cinema are so low but while acknowledging this, let’s not forget that in terms of cinematic depiction, this is quite an original departure to make.”

I haven’t seen the movie yet, but now I do want to see it. It is said that our movies are a reflection of our society. The premise is simple. Why would someone make a movie that the society doesn’t want to see? Clearly, no one wants to end up in a loss. So, they make movies that reflect the popular sentiment. Does that mean that the sudden surge of women centric movies show that the society is giving focus to women? Maybe, yes. At least the society is talking about it. The women have started speaking up for themselves. They have started exploring all avenues and are being depicted so in the movies. That definitely is a good thing.

But what about the men? How are real men in the Indian society nowadays being depicted in the movies? When I look at some examples of them in the movies I have actually seen (despite my obsession with Bollywood during my teenage, I now watch very few movies and almost no television at all); my analysis says that even the depiction of men in the movies nowadays are quite realistic. I am not talking about the biographical movies like ‘Dangal’ and ‘Neerja’ where the fathers are encouraging their daughters to carve their places in the world. They can at best be described as exceptions; that is why they have been written about. But even fictional characters in the movies nowadays are very close to reality.

Some men in India are still like Rajvir Singh in ‘Pink’. Modern educated males with roots deep in the orthodox male dominant societies, who are okay to befriend independent and confident women but can never accord them the respect that the women deserve. Some men are also like Vijay in ‘Queen’. Vijay is more real. He is acutely chauvinistic, but definitely less so than Rajvir. He considers himself above Rani in their relationship and he commands the shots – whether Rani should take up the Accounting work or not, whether she should learn to drive or not, whether she should be spending time with other guys or not, etc. He is the one who breaks-up with her and that too in a very realistic depiction where he doesn’t fall for a ‘gori mem’ or some other modern girl while living abroad, due to which he may be ‘tempted’ to leave the coy homely girl; instead he simply develops cold feet. Also, he is the one who single-handedly decides that they should get back together. And eventually when he is dumped, it comes as an unbelievable shock to him.

And then there are men in the society who coined the “Not All Men” claim. They declare that they love their wives and would never suppress them or demean and disrespect them. And yet they unknowingly are still part of the society where women are considered second only to men. A case in point depiction is Satish in ‘English Vinglish’. In the film, his wife Shashi, a homemaker, runs a small laddoo business. Satish is a charming man. He is educated. He is romantic. He doesn’t hit her. He doesn’t shout at her. He doesn't even stop her from doing anything (including her laddoo business) or going anywhere. In short, he doesn’t do anything – and anything at all – that can make us classify him as a chauvinist or a sexist. He doesn’t do anything at all that may even make us call him an otherwise bad person. In fact, in any real-life scenario, he may be considered a perfect husband, son-in-law, brother-in-law. And yet we do not root for him. Why? Because Satish may not fit into the stereotype of an abuser but he still manages to make Shashi feel unworthy. He cracks jokes on Shashi’s inability to communicate in English. His jokes and jibes are so frequent that even their kids, especially their teenage daughter, starts feeling embarrassed by her own mother. Is that not a form of emotional abuse that stifles a person’s self-esteem? Maybe it is or maybe not. That is for psychologists to evaluate. But one thing is sure, there is no dearth of such men. The perfect husbands whose wives flump down with low self-esteem thanks to their husband’s inflated male egos that never let them be independent.

Another example, a little more obvious due to a scene calling him out as a chauvinist, is Manav in ‘Dil Dhadakne Do’. He is educated, sophisticated and very sauve. For the Mehra family, Manav is the ideal son-in-law with a decent personality, good financial position, respectable family background. And yet their daughter struggles in her matrimonial home for lack of respect and the ability to maintain an opinion. He is the male in the family, so he decides what and how. And then after that is his mother, the matriarch who is allowed to have a say. Aisha? Well, she is a woman and a daughter-in-law, why would she talk over dinner resulting in the other two being ignored? Of course, she needs her husband’s permission to work. And oh, how can she say no if her husband is in the mood to have sex? Isn’t she responsible if she forgets all this and he gets upset? What is wrong with Manav? Actually, there is nothing wrong with him. Only he has been born and brought up in an insanely male dominant society where unconsciously such disparity between the genders has been inculcated in him. This is thanks to the generations around him, including women like his mother, who have always considered men first and women second. Even Aisha’s own mother thinks that she should focus on her home, marriage, relationship and family instead of her career. But, like most men who say “Not All Men”, Manav too considers himself as a very adjusting and liberal husband, totally unlike the men who suppress and harass their wives. Aisha should consider herself blessed to have such an understanding husband who allows her to fulfill her wishes. And yes, he claims so with élan as if he is doing her a favour.

So yes! Cinema does reflect the society. And these are the real men in the urban society today… Contemporary, educated, modern and still unknowingly chauvinistic.