To Bindi or not to Bindi

Off late there has been a lot of discussion about the importance of Bindi. Although I have not commented on any social media post expressing any side of the views, be it pro-bindi or against-bindi, I have my own views about the same which I finally feel like spilling out. 

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When I got married at the age of 22 years, I was just stepping into the real world. Until then, my home and my family had been my sanctuary and my opinions about anything, if at all, were only driven by what I had seen growing up. The ladies in my family had usually worn bindis, may or may not have worn Mangalsutra (it was usually treated like a jewellery item), applied sindoor usually only on Karvachauth, never worn payal-bichhue (anklets or toe-rings) or ghunghat (not even 'sir dhakna' types) and did not touch in-laws' feet every morning or husband's feet even on festivals like Karvachauth. Most of these so called 'riwaaz' or traditions that were followed were not taken too seriously, and definitely not linked to being religious or even linked to respect in any way. They were just traditions and nothing more.

When I got married, I was expected to follow some of these traditions as a rule. I was expected to always wear a bindi, sindoor, bichhue, payal and mangalsutra too (most of the time). I was told that I should never leave my wrists or my neck empty. I should never wear western clothes in front of my in-laws and had to touch their feet every morning. I was expected to treat my husband with utmost reverence (the standard line coming from my mother-in-law being "Pati toh bhagwaan barabar hota hai") and touch his feet on Karvachauth. At 22, I didn't know better and I abided by all these so much so that all these became instruments to humiliate me. "Jab tum office jaati ho toh western kapde pehenti ho, naa bindi lagati ho, naa payal-bichhue pehenti ho." I was a damn Chartered Accountant working in a Big4 corporation auditing high-networth MNCs and I was damn-well expected to dress professionally. But these so called traditions were supposed to be linked to the religion and to how much I respected my husband and by not following them I was told that I was disrespecting my husband and his family.

Soon, I started hating all these "accessories" even though as a newly married I loved wearing them as they made me feel dressed up a bit. Sub-consciously, my mind started equating them with signs of Patriarchy. When I separated from my husband, these were the first things I gave up if I had not given them up already. As much as it might be hard to believe me now, I had given up sarees too for the same reason.

Years later, I re-embraced sarees but not all these accessories (maybe some like anklets but only on a single foot and not on both feet). I still associate them somewhat with Patriarchy but I do not judge people who wear them, whether out of their love for them to dress up or even as a sign of tradition. Everyone has a different thought process and just like my mom was comfortable with some of these like bindi, I understand that many other ladies would be too. And that is okay.

What is not okay is forcing these on others in the name of religion or tradition. What is not okay is shaming and humiliating others who do not abide by your diktats. What is not okay is bullying others and telling them that they do not get to challenge your beliefs even when you are challenging theirs. What is not okay is being intolerant towards your fellow humans. I wholeheartedly condemn anyone who does that.