I love to sit in silence...

The choices that define me

I chose the road
Not the less travelled one though
But not all have ventured till the end.

Some give up
Some change their path
And continue their journey by following the trend.

The road ahead
Is certainly not easy by far
It goes uphill and the ascent is steep.

But I remember Frost:
"I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

I move on
A step at a time, step by step
All steps together forming my journey

I pray to God
To give me the strength
To carry on till the goal is a reality

For that's what I choose
The path is not just my strength,
but also my learning, lore and erudition

It's my victory
my conquest, my dominion, my triumph
It's my Nirvana, and also my salvation

I want to live my life
in such a way that I am
Proud of myself and hold high my head

For it's my choices that define me
No matter how big or however small
Of course, for me, the means are just as important as the end.


© Nishtha Khurana, 2012. All rights reserved.

Which of these roles have I tried to play

I watched them tearing a building down
A gang of men in a busy town.
With a Ho-Heave-Ho, a lusty yell
They swung a beam and a side wall fell.
I asked the foreman, "Are these men skilled
And the men you'd hire if you had to build?"
"For the most part," he said, "No indeed.
Just common labor is all I need.
I can easily wreck in a day or two
What builders have taken a year to do."
And I thought to myself, as I went away,
Which of these roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder, who works with care,
Measuring life by the rule and square?

- Anonymous

Shocking, disturbing: Arya Orphanage sexual abuse scandal

Off late, I have been reading the newspaper about the sexual abuse scandal that was uncovered recently at the Arya Orphanage in Daryaganj, Central Delhi. A case of a 2 year old battered baby brought to the trauma centre of AIIMS by a teenager claiming to be her mother and slowly page-by-page a gruesome tale of human trafficking opens up. An enquiry leading to arrests also uncovers a chapter in the life of the teenage girl where she had spent some time at the Arya Orphanage and faced abuse (both physical and sexual) before she ran away from there to fall into yet another trap of physical and sexual abuse. One to another and to yet another, it is hard to imagine what the poor child would have gone through to eventually be supporting and favoring her last exploiter over all other people she had met in her short lifetime.

And then there is the orphanage. It is really very shocking and disturbing for me personally to read about the Arya Orphanage because my family has since generations patronized the orphanage. My grandfather had supported the orphanage since when I wasn’t even born and later my father continued to do so. I too have tried to carry on the legacy in whichever little way I can. Until now, that is. Having visited the orphanage twice, and that two at the time of Morning Prayer before breakfast on both occasions, I have seen the kids there. There are thousands and thousands of them, both boys and girls, of age as young as 3 or 4 years; and it now feels awful to imagine being unaware then of what some of them might be going through every day or night. It’s shocking to read about the indifference and alarming attitude of the staff there, the same people who had been very nice and polite then when I had met them. Not an ounce of abnormality (oh hell, I don’t want to use the word ‘guilt’ here) could be seen in their behavior. It was always just normal day’s business there.

Not that I regret doing what I had done for the orphanage and the kids then. Having gone through physical and sexual abuse doesn’t make those kids any bit less deserving of charity if not more. But, it’s plainly, absolutely and entirely shocking. Those kids are vulnerable, easy targets. And that exactly is the point. They had to face this because they were vulnerable and easy targets. Their exploiters knew that they probably don’t even have someone to turn to, that they cannot just simply go away or run. If they do, they probably meet the same fate the poor teenage girl met, having been sold off by pimps and sexually harassed and raped by innumerable men, eventually but accidentally becoming the key to uncovering this abuse.

Life is beautiful with Kids around!!!

Kids!!! Everyone says that it's the best thing that can happen to someone. For the record, it is not easy to bring up kids. I certainly couldn't have managed without my mother to whom I owe more than I can ever put in words. My 5-year old daughter has an endless source of energy, asks probably 437 questions in a day on an average, perennially tries to get attention by absolutely not allowing us to talk to anyone but her and gets adored by all and sundry even after that. Now that would explain the cause of my mother's headache by the end of the day and also why life's beautiful with her around.

 

This morning, a friend of mine was telling me about a lady whose husband divorced her after a 5-year old marriage and a 3 year old child. She now cribs about how her child has ruined her life because she has no time for any social life and having a child's custody has virtually ruled out her chances of resettling again. I wonder what her heart is made up of. I, for once, cannot ever imagine thinking on those lines. My life is centered on my daughter and she comes first no matter what. It is hard even to imagine my life without her.

 

Kids bring sunshine to your life. It's amazing to see kids marvel and get excited at petty things. I have quoted this earlier and will quote this again – "There are no seven wonders in the eyes of a child. There are seven million." Having a kid is like looking into the future and planning what you want to be again and what you want to make of your life. You know what a house without kids is like? Quiet. It is indeed quiet and there is no fresh life chirping around you. If on any weekend, my daughter's school is open, that is one of the most boring weekends I can have. All during the weekend I act bossy with my daughter, get irritated with her mischievous ways, try and teach her 'how to behave', but two days without her around and I feel like as if there is no motivation in my life; like there is no life.

 

Mothers have a special bond with their kids. They have given birth to the child and that child is a part of her. No matter how much the child grows up, he/she would continue to be a part of their mothers. This is one bond that was built by nature never to be broken. Mothers will forgive their kids for no matter how grievous mistakes. They would love them unconditionally no matter whether the feelings are reciprocated. But then, there is no point describing all this. It is simply sufficient to say she's a mother.

 

I feel blessed to have the sweetest, loveliest and most adorable child in the world. And I think this statement holds good for every mother on this earth.

Rockstar rocks and how

I happened to catch Rockstar yesterday. It was one helluva experience, I must say. Haven't really been able to get it off my head till now. The music keeps ringing in my ears and Ranbir Kapoor's intense look and brisk walk with Journos and Cops in tow keeps floating in front of my eyes.

 

Till date I had been indifferent to Ranbir Kapoor. Although I had never disliked his performances, I had never found them something to go gaga about. (I do admit he was 'good' in Rajneeti). But, with Rockstar I am forced to sit up and take notice. He seethes, cries, pains and barges into the company of amazing 'Actors' and 'Performers'. Jordan is one of the most complicated characters presented on screen in the recent times and Ranbir plays it with élan. I had accorded Hrithik's performance in Guzaarish (Ethan too was a very complicated character to play) a lot of respect and now I would place Ranbir in Rockstar at par if not higher.

 

If Ranbir is the body of Rockstar, the film's music is its soul. It is heart rendering and heart warming both at the same time. A.R. Rahman's genius shines after a long time now and Irshad Kamil's lyrics are very introspective and apt. The songs haunt you for a very long time. Mohit Chauhan's silky voice serenades the entire movie and makes Ranbir's character actually work.

 

Among other artists, Nargis Fakhri is an absolute non-actor with a strange and stiff body language. It is kind of difficult to fathom why there's such a hue-and-cry about her looks. The girl playing the Journo looks and acts better than her anyway. The actor playing Khatana and Shernaz Patel are natural and support well. Shammi Kapoor looks great in unfortunately his last on screen appearance. I also want to add a word of praise for Ranbir's stylist (I guess it's Aki Narula but I am not sure) for the amazing look he has created for Ranbir. A refreshing change from the pre-set characteristic rockstar looks depicted in the past right until "Rock On!" although it's more or less on the same lines.

 

In the end, I want to add a lot more in praise of Rockstar but then… jo bhi main kehna chahoon, barbaad karein alfaz mere…

The first lesson in countering oppression

Oppression, tormentation and mental trauma – these are the atrocities being meted out to women folk since ages. Many women face the harassment at the very places of their existence – at home, at work. The relativity or the degree varies, just as the perception of today's folks. E.g. a newly married bride when restricted to go out per her own will by her husband and in-laws; there could be two kinds of reaction depending on the woman's background. If the bride is an uneducated (or having only basic education and literacy) woman belonging to a society where she has seen her mother and sisters, sister-in-laws being meted out with similar treatment; she is likely to accept it as granted and keep quite. Then again, if the bride is a fairly educated girl from a reasonable background who has grown up in an equal opportunity world / environment; she is likely to term it as suppression and denial of her freedom which she obviously knows is her birth right; which is actually every person's birth right. For one it might be a minor issue which can better be ignored to maintain peace and tranquility at home; while for another it is an incident which should be voiced against at the very outset to make it known to her family that she has an equal place and an equal right to her freedom as any man or, for that matter, woman (say, the mother-in-law) in the house.

Some girls do make a mistake in tackling situations like these (and even much more serious issues leading to domestic discords in the families). I personally feel that if you really feel you are being oppressed or curtailed in any manner, at least speak out once and make your feelings known even if the other family members may agree to disagree with you. Now, I am not here promoting extreme feminism by preaching girls to take up arms against your family or shout back and vent your anger towards the other party. But, "dislikes" can certainly be expressed positively, politely, without shouting back or disgracing your upbringing by using any kind of foul language. Don't we often abstain from doing certain things which people around you (at home, at work, etc.) dislike. Similarly, the first expectation in simple expression of "dislike" towards a certain thing, action or behavior would be an abstention by the other person in subjecting you to what you dislike. Many a problems can be tackled here; for one must understand that just as keeping quite about it is not a solution, neither is shouting your frustration out. Both the scenarios increase the problem in the long run.

In case such things do not yield desired results then other things may be tried. I am not a marriage councilor to tell you extreme measures, but remember every personal battle is important and small battles won initially reduce the possibility of an uncalled-for- oppression.