Giving the gift of knowledge!

There are some issues I feel very strongly about. My friends know that I talk about women’s issues and child abuse. But, only my very close friends and family know how strongly I feel about education. I have been extremely privileged to get a very good education thanks to my parents’ efforts. I went to a top convent school in Delhi; I went to the top most commerce college in Asia; I was blessed by God to sail through Chartered Accountancy at the young age of 22 and then I also topped a private university in Germany during my Masters. At the risk of sounding immodest, that’s an academic record I’m really proud of. But, the importance of it all actually dawned on me when after a failed marriage including a sabbatical from a happening career, I was struggling to get back on my feet. If there was a single most important factor that got me back on my career path (apart from my family’s undaunting support), it had to be my education. Moreover, I also see my education as much more than just academic records for me. My schooling had shaped my personality, developed my character and taught me the skills required to be a proud self-reliant girl. This education goes far beyond curriculum books. It is shaped through immersing yourself in experiences of others that you only get to know through their written words, namely, books (primarily other than course books) and through your own mind which knows how to think. They both coupled together take you to a world which is far beyond your limited four walls – a world where imagination soars and the learning is limitless. This is all-round development and certainly the kind of all-round development that I wish all children in our country and in our world are able to get.


My previous company was very active in terms of corporate social responsibility. Apart from volunteering activities, there was an initiative called “Give as you earn” (GAYE) in which we committed to part with a portion of our salary every month – could be as little as Rs. 100 without any upper limit – for transfer to our chosen charities (out of a long list of charities). Apart from the occasional guilt of it being ‘too easy’ and not needing any effort from your side, it was a convenient way to give back to the society. When I changed jobs, my current company did not and still does not have too much of corporate social responsibility initiatives on its platter. To be fair to the company, it is a new set-up and a growing one right now. But, despite off and on monetary contributions to some charities, I had this on my mind as to figure out a way to give back to the society, preferably to help in spread of knowledge to the next generation.


Then as part of casual conversation, a friend suggested that lets open an NGO and do something for the society. I liked the idea but was a little sceptical. An NGO is a huge responsibility. So, I suggested that why don’t we start with baby steps and if we are able to sustain and grow, we can think of forming an NGO as well. And just impulsively I had an idea: there are many charitable schools running for the underprivileged but they are only able to fulfil their basic needs. Why not provide them with something extra? Why not start contributing books per month – even if just two books per month – to the school other than the course books? With six people (that was the strength of our core group of friends), with two books per month, we can have a total of 144 books in a year and actually they will have a kind of library. Eventually it isn’t even about money because you get to choose the books that fit into your budget.


I even remembered a school for underprivileged students in my neighbourhood called Vishwas Vidyalaya and made it a point to check it out. A basic Google search, a phone call and a short visit later, the initiative which we now call “Mission Vishwas” was born. Apart from the six of us, I managed to get two more people on board and we not only donated books but we even donated sports equipment to the school (cricket set, pairs of badminton rackets, footballs, Frisbee). Today I’m visiting the school for yet another monthly contribution of books. Actually, these small visits have slowly become the highlight of my month as I always make it a point to come myself (often with my daughter and sometimes with a friend and a fellow contributor).

But I’ll be honest. I’m slightly concerned about the direction this little initiative is going into. The contributions have been dwindling slightly even though its just the start. And though that troubles me, I feel that one cannot force charity. So, I have ended up increasing my own contributions to at least keep up the pace. I’ve gone from 3 books to 6 books and now to 18 books this month. I’m extremely proud that we have – in a short span of barely four months – been able to add 99 books to the empty room they called a Library and added quite a few sports equipment to the other empty room they called Sports centre. Actually, this whole initiative is so close to my heart now that I just know I will continue as long as I can even if I’m the only one contributing to the school. But now me and a friend of mine are taking it upon ourselves to mobilize more people to contribute.


P.S. Like I said, we have decided to mobilize more people to join in. I personally would like to reach out to my fellow pacters and use the pact to mobilize generous people with similar thought process who would like to join in the cause. In case anyone is interested to know more about it and help this little school, please feel free to get in touch with me directly or join my Facebook Group created for this initiative by the name of “Mission Vishwas” (https://www.facebook.com/groups/783414818407522/?ref=bookmarks). We DO NOT take any monetary contributions and / or fix any min. limit or value of your contributions. It is only books – and any books other than curriculum books – appropriate for students of a Hindi Medium school from class Nursery to Eighth. Moreover, if anyone in Gurgaon / NCR can devote time and volunteer to help slow / new students come up the curve with existing class, it would be very helpful. Even if you choose to contribute directly, it is equally welcome and appreciable. Please feel free to check out the website: http://www.vishwasindia.org/index.html.

Happy Independence Day!!

My idea of freedom is slightly different from the generation before me and it’s probably logical as well since my generation has only read words describing the freedom struggle. We have not known the pain and the trauma of being constantly under siege and fear and the frustration of having no rights and being treated as second-grade human being in your own land. There is, however, still trauma and frustration rampant in our country but the causes are different. The causes are casteism, reservation, power monopolism, bureaucracy, poverty, deficient rights for certain humans (like women for example), lack of security for citizens, child abuse, etc. I can go on enumerating the causes but the fact remains the same. It is not about freedom from any foreign country or body any more. It is about freedom from all that is hurting us from within. And this freedom is something that has to come from inside. And I hope that it comes soon enough so that we can at least leave a better country and a better world for our children.


I am today, like every year, reminded of Tagore’s words:


Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

Moulding our children right

A few days ago, I was travelling in the Delhi Metro. It’s not very often that I do so and this particular time the metro was jam packed and I almost felt crushed. And when you have a long route to cover you either read something, play with your phone or when there’s no seat and no space to move, you end up observing people around you. So, while I stood dwindling with the flow of the metro, two ladies and a small girl of 8-9 years sat in front of me. Almost instantly the girl asked one of the ladies for something to drink. The lady irked a bit at being disturbed between her gossip ritual, quickly opened her bag and gave her a glass with a lid. The kid opened the lid and drank some sips of buttermilk. She sat there with the glass in her hand until there was a jerk. Out splashed a few drops of buttermilk and they would have landed right over me had my reflexes not worked super-fast to move away my foot. She looked at me for a few minutes as did the two ladies. But none of them apologized. She then closed the lid and handed the glass back to the lady. The mother quickly kept it in her bag and continued talking about her mother-in-law to the other lady. After a few minutes the kid whispered something else in her mother’s ears, apparently for something to eat. Now, had I been in the same situation, I would have explained to my daughter, who incidentally is the same age, that eating and drinking is not allowed in the Delhi Metro. But not this lady. She was too keen on not being disturbed by her little girl’s banter. So, she candidly took out a whole packet of candies and handed it over to the girl. First candy went into her mouth and the wrapper landed right next to my feet. In a minute, the second candy and its wrapper followed the same route. Next moment when the third candy came out, I politely said to the girl, “Beta, this little bag that you are carrying… Why don’t you put the wrappers in that and throw them in the dustbin when you get off?” The child looked at me cluelessly while the mother glared at me as if marvelling at my audacity. “Metro aapke baap ki hai?” she asked me rudely. “Nahin sabki hai!” I answered coolly. “Vaise bhi metro mein khaana-peena mana hai. Fine bhi hai.” Luckily for me the three ladies next to me were by now staring at the lady. So, she chose not to inflate the issue, took the candies from her daughter and said audibly, “Rakh le beta, logon ko yahaan bekaar mein problem ho jaati hai.” A few steps from me a lady, must be my age, had been munching on a packet of Kurkure. She pretended not to hear the conversation but acted as if she was satiated and folded the half-eaten packet and kept it inside her bag. An elderly lady and I noticed and exchanged a smile. 

I was also reminded of a similar incident about an year and a half back. My mother and daughter were to arrive at Delhi from Mangalore and the train was late. So, I was waiting at the Nizammudin Railway Station platform for almost an hour. A group of people consisting of at least four couples and as many children somewhat in the age group of 5 – 15 years occupied a nearby bench. While the men stood at a distance, the ladies were seated on the bench with luggage lying next to them and children chatting, playing and circling around them. The entire one hour that I stood there, the ladies and the kids were munching on junk and throwing wrappers around them. Every now and then, one of the kids would go to the nearby kiosk and get a few packets of namkeen and they would open and pass them around. I noticed a huge dustbin attached to the bench where they were sitting and one next to the kiosk too. In fact there were many of them all around us, at every few steps. I also noticed huge signs all around requesting people to throw the waste in the dustbins. Yet these kids and mothers just threw all the wrappers on the floor right where they were sitting and eating. After noticing them for about 45 minutes, my patience gave up and I walked over to the two-three kids nearby and asked, “Beta, why don’t you throw the waste in the dustbin? There’s one right next to you. Is that not what you are taught in school?” They all suddenly fell silent and the ladies’ chatter halted for a minute. A little girl retreated to her mother and I continued to look at the face of a boy who must have been around 14-15 years old. He did not challenge me but looked affronted. He did not pick a wrapper and instead kicked the one next to his feet towards the dustbin. The kids who did not bat an eyelid while throwing that stuff on the floor, suddenly felt it beneath them to pick it up and throw it in the dustbin. My point was made and I stepped back as they murmured amongst themselves about me while jerking their heads. The girl who had retreated to her mother, now ran towards her father and recounted what happened, supposedly in a whisper but loud enough for phrases to travel all the way and reach my ears. As she pointed a finger towards me, her father looked at me even as I stood at a distance and looked at him and his daughter. “Theek toh keh rahi hain Aunty. School mein sikhaate hain naa?” he asked and he came forward and picked one single wrapper and threw it in the dustbin even as all others continued to lie around their feet. 

In both these incidents, I couldn't help thinking how I would have taught my daughter differently and acted out the situation in another way. But, surprisingly, not many parents realize how important it is to supplement the textbook information about good conduct in the live environment. The kids learn in school about keeping their environment clean, saving electricity and water, respecting elders, following rules, not hurting animals, etc. but how will they retain it when the daily conduct of people around them is absolute opposite? I have very consciously changed my conduct ever since my daughter was born. I make sure she puts waste aside and throws it in the dustbin; she stands at a distance when someone is using an ATM, talking on a counter like ordering food etc.; we never break traffic rules, pluck plants, throw stones at cows or dogs, etc.; and always observe Earth Hour. My daughter often questions me, “Nobody else is doing this. Why us?” and my reply is very simple, “Because we must ensure that we are at our best behaviours and we do the right thing even if others don’t.” But the fact remains that many parents don’t follow the same logic. 

I do believe that parents should mould their kids well right from the start, including 

1. Teaching good manners: ‘Please’, ‘Sorry’ and ‘Thank you’ are the very basics which parents should practice as well as preach. Giving your seat to a more needy person; offering what you are eating to others around you; being courteous to guests; and putting other family members before yourself. These are general virtues kids learn at home. 

2. Teaching empathy: Little gestures about talking politely to the cleaning lady and the restaurant waiter helps. Children are always observing. Keep a bowl of water for the birds. They would like that we are helping the birds in the summers. It’s a good idea to include your kids in a kind gesture like charity. They will learn well even with small steps. 

3. Teaching equality: In today’s world, we all love our sons and daughters well and it’s a common saying that “we are bringing up our daughter like our son.” We teach our young daughters about good touch, bad touch and elder ones about what all to do to keep oneself safe. How many parents talk to their sons about consent? Also, are all of us 100% sure that the environment in our home gives equal respect and place to the men and women in the house or are women, though not openly disrespected maybe, always take second priority after the husbands and fathers? If so, we are unconsciously making them believe that the males are more important than females and that the latter have to adjust to accommodate former. 

4. Teaching respect: Kids will not learn how to respect others until the parents do not respect their elders AND their kids. My parents always referred to us as “Aap” and never “Tu” or “Tum”. Me and my sisters are following the same with the next generation and I hope they learn about respect the same way we did. 

5. Teaching discipline: Like I said above, following traffic rules; following school rules; maintaining a decent distance in queues; not disturbing neighbours in cinema halls; following a routine like early to bed and early to rise; all these and more will help them grow up as more responsible children. 

I’m not saying that all parents nowadays are not aware of their responsibilities towards their children, but maybe a culture has been ingrained deeply in us where we do not follow what we preach. Like they say, “Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. How about leaving better kids for our planet?” 

Why hanging Memon and Kasab was the right thing to do?

"Today is a significant day.
Two souls will be buried.
Both Muslims: For one even Hindus will cry; for the other even Muslims would rejoice.
Both involved with weapons/missiles: One made us raise our heads in pride and the other hangs his head in shame.
One had a vision and the other was on a misplaced mission.
Scores of people are lining to pay tributes to one man and scores of people wanted another man to hang.
One was the president and the other waited for justice from President.
Strange are the ways of life!!!"

Read this today morning and although it touched my heart because of the undeniable comparison between Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam and Yakub Memon; but I could not help thinking how many people are against Yakub Memon's hanging all in the name of humanity.

I have not followed Yakub Memon's case very closely in the sense that I have not followed each and every write-space and airtime being given to him. Still at the risk of sounding somewhat like Salman Khan who blatantly proved his ignorance by tweeting senselessly on the issue, I choose to take a stand opposite of Salman.

I have always stood for humanity myself and I'm also aware that so many people I admire, like Dr. Kalam himself who was referenced above, have openly stood against capital punishment. But, I still choose to support capital punishment and death penalty although I feel that it should not be overused and should be saved for rarest of rare cases and crimes that put all humanity to shame. So, with that view, I do support death penalty for Yakub Memon, Ajmal Kasab and the culprits in the 16th December gangrape case.

Memon cried a day before his hanging when he met his brother and cousin. Kasab was unusually quiet and offered prayers. I wonder did they feel this remorse when they did those ghastly crimes against humanity?

The 1993 Bombay bombings were a series of 13 bomb explosions that took place in Mumbai on 12 March, 1993. The coordinated attacks were the most destructive bomb explosions in Indian history. This was first of its kind serial-bomb-blasts across world. The single-day attacks resulted in over 350 fatalities and 1200 injuries. These bombs were assembled in Yakub Memon's house and he himself handled 85 grenades. He might not have been the mastermind of the killings but he was fully aware of the implications and willingly participated in them. Arguments that he turned himself in (which is again debatable) and participated and assisted in the court case seem frugal compared to the loss of lives and the ruining of families of the deceased and injured. These families will never be the same.

Let's also give a thought to the 26/11 Mumbai attack. They were planned and directed by Lashkar-e-Taiba militants inside Pakistan, and carried out by 10 young armed men trained and sent to Mumbai and directed from inside Pakistan via mobile phones and VoIP. At least 164 victims (civilians and security personnel) and nine attackers were killed in the attacks. Among the dead were 28 foreign nationals from 10 countries. The bodies of many of the dead hostages showed signs of torture or disfigurement. A number of those killed were notable figures in business, media, and security services. Ajmal Kasab was the only attacker arrested alive by police. Much of the information about the attackers' preparation, travel, and movements came from his confessions to the Mumbai police. No doubt he was a small pawn in a big game but then the technology is so advanced now that the masterminds are never at the forefront. They are the puppeteers who work in the background. That does not, however, mean that Kasab was blissfully unaware of what he was doing and was in a trance or was hypnotised by someone to kill and maim people on that fateful day. He knowingly did what he did.

The supporters of Memon and Kasab who support mercy for them should explain using any other argument than 'humanity' to argue why they shouldn't have been hanged. For these people killed humanity with their actions and do not deserve the same as an argument for mercy.

And the argument that their mercy petitions were not given 'adequate consideration' is so silly that even SC rejected it by saying that there was no "legal fallacy" in the issuance of death warrant by the TADA court in Mumbai. The apex court had set up the three-judge bench on Tuesday after a two-judge bench had delivered a split verdict on the petition of Memon who had sought a stay of his execution scheduled for July 30. Following the disagreement between justice Dave and justice Joseph on the issue, the matter was referred to Chief Justice of India HL Dattu who constituted a larger bench of justice Misra, justice Prafulla C Pant and justice Amitava Roy to decide the destiny of Memon. The bench also rejected the contention of Memon that all legal remedies were not exhausted, including the issue of clemency, saying that the President had rejected his mercy petition on April 11, 2014 which was communicated to him on May 26, 2014. Let us also not forget that the apex court has gone through all evidences and arguments and then awarded him a death sentence which means that his crime has been established beyond doubt. How much more consideration is expected? And to top it up, the SC convened this bench at 2:00 am at night which is really going out-of-the-way to give him an ear-time.

And a last note that I want to add is that PLEASE LET US NOT MAKE THIS A RELIGIOUS ISSUE. So if Muslims contend that in such and such cases death penalties were not granted to Hindus, I want to make them face the reality that SC had reasons to believe that this person deserved one and they didn't. Also, please be reminded that more Muslims died than Hindus in the Bombay Bomb Blasts and the communal riots that followed. If you want to talk brethren-ship with Memon for being a Muslim, please spare a thought also for those Muslims who died because of Memon. 

RIP Mr. APJ Abdul Kalam

I can write many paragraphs in obituary to this great man who inspired generations and ignited millions of minds. But no matter how many words I use, they will always fall short of what deserves to be said about him. Very few people are there in the world who only have all the people loving them and respecting them and not a single person hating them. Sir, you are one of those rare gems who is universally revered.

I read this tribute to Mr. APJ Abdul Kalam. I do feel that it easily resounds how I felt about the news of his demise. So, instead of filling this space with meaningless words, I will just reproduce these here. RIP!

On getting the sad news, we cry a tear,
As if you were some one close and dear.
Never met, never been close,
But why then do I feel this loss?
Is it because you lived for us?
A rare breed by far thus.
Your thinking high, your living sober.
Leading by example, never an empty talker.
In our world full of dirty leaders, you shine so bright.
Your thoughts, words and deeds are indeed a light.
For our generation you are an inspiration,
A ray of hope in a sea of desperation.
Above politics and worldly gains but full of passion.
You will live in the hearts of our generation.

- Anonymous

Log kya kahenge?

India is country where society is the biggest governing factor – even more that the politics and religion. We often blame our ‘culture’ and ‘religion’ for imposing anything and everything. Intercaste marriages; love marriages; same sex marriages; all of them are questioned. A man or woman deciding to stay single; a couple deciding not to have a child of their own or to adopt one; a girl choosing not get married at what is often described as ‘the appropriate age’ (generally referred to any number between 18 and 25); are always questioned. Single mothers; women working till late hours (often described as career-minded women); girls going out at night (with or without guys) or wearing clothes of their choice; a student opting for a career of his / her own choice; even someone getting a divorce; all face the same question.

“Log kya kahenge? (What will the people say?)”

All of us have for any of the above reasons or even for other basic simple harmless decisions in life have faced this big question sometimes from family members, sometimes from neighbours, sometimes even from strangers who know nothing about who we are and where we are from. Random people on the streets happily pass judgements on you basis how you dress, how you walk; how you talk and simply basis how you choose to be. And everyone is worried about these strangers; worried about what will they say?

Does that surprise me? Surprisingly, not as much as it should. We all have grown up worrying about these people and our lives have become so entwined in this question about what will these people say that we unquestioningly abide by the norms and fences we have created around ourselves supposedly to ensure that we do not give these people the reason to say something at all.

But what does surprise me is that when rapes happen; eve teasing happens; children are abused; women are harassed and tortured; female foeticide is rampantly practised; brides are burned; people openly ask for dowry and even go to the extent of killing women for it; when honour killings happen; when children are forced into labour; when even elite society and middle class educated people force their children to adopt a certain career; when people are discriminated on the basis of castes; when capability and ability is suppressed on pretext or reservations; when there is a lack of even basic sanitation facilities for the public; when people openly fuel corruption at all levels; and when people fail to respect females or even other human beings; then “ye log kyun kuchh nahin kehte? (why these people do not speak up?)”

Why is there no fear of the society for doing something wrong when there is always a fear of the society for doing something right?

Parents: Rights and obligations!

In a landmark judgement, the Supreme Court recently has said that an unwed mother in India can become the sole legal guardian of a child without the consent of the father. This has sparked a debate on social media about the rights of the biological father when he does not marry the mother of his child for some reason.

I came across a gentleman who not only disagreed with the judgement but felt that irrespective of the situation, a biological father should have rights on the child and the mother should not only keep him updated but also take all important decisions related to the child in “consultation”. I felt just so angry listening to his views no matter how politely they were rendered. They were seething of male chauvinism. A man may choose not to fulfil any of his responsibilities but he still should enjoy the rights.

Also, I feel that Supreme Court should take a similar stand in case of divorced / separated parents where one parent, especially fathers, ceases to fulfil his / her duties. The schools, passport offices, government institutions still insist on Biological father's details in school even if the father has had nothing to do with the child, either socially or financially. They even insist on stating those details on ID Cards, Report Cards etc. as a permanent reminder to the child that he/she has a father who doesn't care at all for him/her. And let me tell you as a single mother of an 8-year old child whose father last saw her when she was 1 and half years old that it is very very frustrating for the child.

I firmly believe that one does not become a parent just by giving birth to a child. And mind you, I say parent and not father because this equally applies to both father and mother. A parent becomes a parent by living, breathing and existing as a parent - by providing the child with love, care, emotional and physical security, the sense of belongingness and the confidence of a support and a strong foundation. That's what makes adoptive parents as parents. And if biological parents cannot provide their child with that, they should have no right as a parent.

Addendum: July 2016

Recently, Delhi High Court ruled that a mother who is single-handedly bringing up her children can have their passports made without the father's name. However, the particulars of the case were very specific where the father of the child had abandoned the mother and child even before the birth of the child. The mother had since got all papers (birth certificate, school admission, etc.) done without fathers name. As it happens with all court judgements, the same is applied to only cases with exactly same circumstances.

However, there are still single parents (mostly mothers but also assume some fathers) who are in a similar situation where they are single-handedly bringing up their children without any presence (emotional, physical, social or financial) of the other parent in the child's life who are struggling to get the other parent's name off an existing passport. There is a plea to the government to modify the rules to accommodate such requests. Please sign the petition. It is a very genuine request more from the children rather than the parents. Every single parent child has a right to be associated with the parent who stood by him / her, be it the mother and the father.