Sorry, not sorry!

This happens with me a lot. You get introduced to someone - at work, at any gathering, at your kid's school, anywhere - and as part of normal introductions and chit chat people ask you (generally when they are out of questions about you), "So, what does your husband do?" "Ah, I don't have a husband. I am divorced," I usually answer. Nine out of ten times, bang comes the reply, "Oh, I'm sorry." It is so common in fact, the one time people don't say this is when they are taken by surprise by the unexpected answer and are fumbling for appropriate comeback. But it almost always is "I'm sorry."

And this really irks me and I feel like responding, "Don't be! I'm not." And this is a fact. I am not sorry about my divorce. I am not sorry about choosing to walk out of an unhappy marriage. I am not sorry about choosing not to stay in a relationship where I did not get the respect I deserve. And it is really okay. Nobody needs to say or make me feel regretful about it.

There's a reason there are lesser number of divorces in India as compared to the western countries. For once divorce itself is a long drawn tedious legal process and half the time people, especially the ladies, are wary of opting for it despite being in an unhappy situation. Second, there used to be - and somewhat still is - a stigma against it. People tend to easily judge the ones who are divorced, more so if they are females. Well, even saying "I'm sorry" too is a form of judging the person where one assumes that the other person's life has to be miserable because they are divorced and that by asking such a question they themselves have re-exposed them to all their miseries. But what if divorce had actually freed them from miseries? What if the divorce is more of a liberation? Why say sorry for that?

Divorce is more often than not a very well thought out decision, especially when you have kids. It's not something you opt for just to satisfy your ego. In any case, the Indian legal system is such that it beats the ego out of you if you just opt for it on your mere whims and fancies. If two people (or one in case of a contested divorce case) are going on that route, there are bound to be reasons for it. Let's not assume that all of them will feel sorry about it or feel awful being single after it.

Also, as far as I am concerned, I want to set another record straight. Because I am not sorry for choosing to opt for a divorce, that also does not mean that I regret getting married in the first place. No, I do not. That seemed to be the right thing to do at that time and there are definitely some positives that had come out of the relationship and that phase of life. I love my daughter and would not change a thing about that. I appreciate the lessons I have learnt during the journey of getting into the marriage, being in it and getting out of it and those lessons will help me in life in various situations. The whole experience has given me a new perspective about life in general, all the situations and the people around me and I wouldn't like to change that either. No, I wouldn't change a thing about my life at all.

So, next time someone says they are "sorry", I hope I don't mince my words and tell them politely that I AM NOT SORRY for any part of the life that I've lived and the journey I have travelled.

Airlift Review: A gripping story till the last breath

I saw Airlift last evening. I knew the base premise from the trailers but the movie was far more fetching as it unfolded there scene by scene. The backdrop and the feel of a gulf country in 1990 is a refreshing change from all the similar looking European destinations covered in the numerous movies nowadays. Kudos to the team for bringing it so lifelike in front of us. The story brings to our knowledge one of the events in history which many Indians like me were not even aware of until it became the talk of the town as soon as the movie promotions started. Now suddenly we are introduced to the two gentlemen Sunny Matthews and Mr. Vedi who were instrumental in coordinating an evacuation from war zone with the help of the Ministry of External Affairs and on whom apparently Akshay's character Ranjit Katyal is based. Just today, I read a post by a person who as a teenager had been evacuated from Kuwait in 1990 highlighting how the actual circumstances and the chronology of events was very much different from the one depicted in the movie. As far as I was concerned, even before I went for the movie, I more or less considered it fictitious and just generally inspired by an event and the efforts of these two gentlemen. After all, cinematic liberties are expected in mainstream cinema and the producers and directors were not making a documentary here anyway. But yeah, I can also understand this person's viewpoint and the irritation one suffers when one knows the actual facts and sees them twisted before one's eyes. I only want to say that as a movie, Airlift was brilliant, whether or not it was very close to the actual incident of evacuation in 1990. Also, whether it evokes feelings of patriotism or not, as claimed, I think it is more of how a person will relate to the story. For me, it is more of a story of one person's willpower to make a difference and his innate goodness and empathy that he lets preside over his and his family's safety.

Without any spoilers here, I just want to render a praise for the lead actors. Akshay Kumar looks just as mean in the first fifteen minutes of the movie as he looks humane in the remaining bit. There is no trace of the aura of a 'superstar' here. I guess the same was said about him in Baby but even there his body language was that of a 'superstar' and a 'hero'. In Airlift, he effortlessly shifts his body language from one belonging to a 'devil-may-care' classy and filthy rich businessman surrounded and hailed by powerful and important people, to one highlighting the helplessness of a common man unwittingly raised on a platform as a leader who is actually struggling to prove to the people who trust him that he is doing his best despite destiny not supporting him. He is a class apart and though I have never really been a fan but at least in Airlift, one cannot just leave the theatre without being touched by the magnanimity and empathy of Ranjit Katyal.

Now coming to Nimrat Kaur. I had previously seen her in 'The Lunchbox' though not in 'Homeland'. In that one, I had thought of her as a naturally talented and effortless actor but not the mainstream kind. But in Airlift, she dispels all the impression of her not being the mainstream kind of an actor. I still believe that she would do good for herself by keeping away from the non-challenging hardly-any-acting-prowess-required hero's sidekick kind of roles, but I am now convinced that she would easily excel in any meaty role, like the one that Aishwarya essayed in 'Jalwa', Deepika / Priyanka essayed in 'Bajirao Mastani' or even the one Kangana essayed in 'Queen'. She is very much the relatable woman next door in Airlift with just a fair amount of glamour becoming the wife of a proud super-rich businessman as well as the endearing warmth of a concerned mother and wife. I'm really impressed with her here.

The humongous supporting cast is also fabulous. Purab Kohli demonstrates the resourcefulness and agility of the indispensable and trusted right-hand man of the hero and even the pain of someone who is unable to find a loved one and is on verge of losing hope. The actor who played George is very believable as the insufferable know-it-all. And even the actor who played the willing-to-help MEA official Kohli looks very much like a typical government 'babu' in his mannerisms and delivery.

All in all, the movie had brilliant performances all across and I would definitely recommend it as a good watch. Best dialogue: "Insaan ki fitrat hoti hai ki jab bhi uspar museebat aati hai vo maa ke paas bhagta hai". True that!

The sordid sagas of Indian soap operas

For the record, I'm not into soap operas and definitely not the Indian brand ones. My mom (and even my 9 years old daughter) watch a select few of them. So, I end up catching those ones. And then, honestly, even if you end up watching an episode after days, or even weeks, the story has hardly moved forward. You don't really miss anything.

But, what I cannot fathom is how for weeks each new show is publicized about what 'novelty' it is bound to offer in terms of the storyline but then eventually end up being the same clichéd 'saas-bahu sagas' or family dramas where a couple of women, the quintessential vamps, are always scheming and plotting anything and everything including torture or even murder; and the other women, the typical good heroines, are always diverting these plots.

There are so many examples I can quote here. But the immediate ones I can remember right now are 'Swaragini' and 'Kehta hai dil... Jee le zara'. The former was supposed to be the story of Swara and Ragini, two friends / sisters belonging to two warring families in the backdrop of culturally rich Kolkata who end up bonding over music and then get together to bring their families together (even the tagline was 'Jode rishton ke sur'). Now a few months down the line, it is the same clichéd story of both girls married into the same family, marriages and divorces happening at the snap of fingers according to the whims and fancies of the characters; and where one of the two girls is now a vamp and the other can now consider a career as a detective as she's now a pro at solving man made mysteries. Even the tagline has been dropped now. The other soap, 'Kehta hai dil... Jee le zara', started just as promisingly as the story of a 34 year old girl who was so busy taking care of her responsibilities and the family all this while that she has had no time for love and marriage until a 25 year old carefree guy comes into her life. It ended up as a family drama again where the mother-in-law and co-sister (and the whole family in general) were not happy with the marriage and they not only try to break her marriage but even to kill her. Similarly, there are so many other serials that end up all looking similar like 'Kumkum Bhagya', 'Qubool Hai' (take a generation leap when you want to change the plot), 'Thapki pyaar ki', 'Pavitra Rishta', etc. However, none of these can beat 'Sasural Simar Ka'. The soap started with Simar, a girl who is crazy about TV but belongs to a family where TV viewing is limited, wondering what kind of family she will marry into. Now after numerous plot twists and turns, filled with teary episodes reeking of black magic, the same Simar is now the queen of 'Pataal Lok'. Can you even imagine that? Phew!

Even the historical sagas like 'Maharana Pratap' and 'Chakravartin Samrat Ashok' are abound with scheming mother-in-laws and co-wives. In fact, there was a time when even the sequence of events in the two serials were moving parallel - both had mysterious hidden characters trying to kill the king by sending 'Vishkanyas'. Now I am forced to seriously doubt whether any of this stupidity is related to any of the historical events in our past.

And yet, day after day after day, our Indian 'janta' watches these very shows - all similar but different actors - and still doesn't get bored. I wonder after watching so many conniving strategists, how come they still can't see through the Indian 'dramebaaz' Politicians.

New Year New Pact - Update

So the new pacts for 2016 are finally decided for me. I am taking up two:‪#‎100extraordinarywomen‬ where I would like to find out and share stories of 100 ordinary women who did extraordinary things and ‪#‎12bookstoread‬ where I would like to read at least 12 books in a year and review them WITHOUT any spoilers. Both these posts would also be shared by me on my blog (sub-blogs created for the same).

As for the 3rd idea ‪#‎12randomactsofkindness‬, I think I would do it none the less and would rather try making it a way of life instead of a one year pact.

Now, the first one does not seem very difficult to me but I loved the idea so picked it up. Considering my schedule, the second one looks slightly challenging and therefore I picked that up. One for the soul and the other for the mind. Let's go!

Happy New Year!!

New Year New Pact!

The year 2015 has been an exceptional year. I took up a pact and I'm thrilled to have completed it. It was simple act of doing something that I already did albeit slightly less frequently and yet I could not have imagined what it would lead me to. It turned out to be a milestone year as it introduced me to friends far and wide and we suddenly became part of each other's life. It also led me to think how small challenges we take up for ourselves lead us to something nice and sweet that we may cherish for a long time to come.

So, I've decided to take a new pact for the coming year and though I'm not yet decided on one, I have a few ideas and am inviting more from all friends. #NewYearNewPact

Here are a couple of my ideas and please feel free to add yours:

1. 100 stories of exemplary lives of ordinary women (We can call it ‪#‎100extraordinarywomen‬ - This one is my favourite. Next year, I would like to find out and share stories of 100 ordinary women who did extraordinary things. They could be anyone in India or abroad. This is my favourite because IF more people join me in this pact, imagine the number of stories we would end up knowing and sharing, even if some are repetitions. Gosh! I've even started on a list of probable names in my head.)

2. 12 books in my To-Read list (We can call this ‪#‎12bookstoread‬ - I have been becoming lax in picking up the books and reading them. So, with this pact, I would like to read at least 12 books in a year and review them WITHOUT any spoilers. Now, considering my schedule, 12 is a big number for me (I don't want to count the children's books I read with my daughter) but others who want to join in this pact can read more.)

3. 12 random acts of kindness (We can call this ‪#‎12randomactsofkindness‬ - It's good to do something nice for unsuspecting people unexpectedly. We can try and do such thing at least once a month - howsoever big or small - and share with others. Now, sharing your act of kindness, is it too vain or would it encourage others to follow suit?)

My Top Fifteen Favourite Authors

I was tagged by a friend on Facebook to name 15 authors who have captured my imagination, shaped my intellect and consequently influenced how I live my life.

Well, 15 is such a number that I'm even forced to think whether I qualify to call reading as my hobby. But, here it goes:

1. Enid Blyton: Enid Blyton was my first favourite and Noddy my first love as a child. I used to fish out Noddy books from our junior school library. A little bit grown up, I loved the 'Famous Five' and the 'Secret Seven' series.

2. Jane Austen: She is my most favourite author as an adult. When I was in my teens and early-twenties, she introduced me to romance and I set foot in my thirties, she introduced me to feminism.

3. Erich Segal: I have read a few of his books but nothing has ever moved me the way Love Story did. I still cry even after having read it multiple times before.

4. J.K. Rowling: I am unabashedly and unapologetically a Harry Potter fan and have read each of the seven books multiple times.

5. Khaled Hosseini: I have read two of his books and the rest are in my to-read list. But those two were enough to redefine my reading list - somehow I could never again go back to Danielle Steel style romance.

6. Dan Brown: I loved 'Da Vinci Code' and 'Angels and Demons' and found the 'Deception Point' and 'Digital Fortress' too predictable. I am yet to read the rest and 'The Lost Symbol' is definitely on my list. But, why I include him here is that after having literally grown up in a convent school, my entire connection with the Bible stories I had heard as a child was ripped apart by his books and somehow I can never listen / read any bible story the same way ever again without being reminded of 'Da Vinci Code'.

7. John Grisham: All his books have similar names, similar story lines even and I often find it difficult to recall whether I have read his particular book or not. But, he is such an effortless writer that I can pick any of his book and read it at a stretch and even enjoy the same.

8. Jeffrey Archer: I loved the Kane and Able trilogy, especially 'The Prodigal daughter' thanks to its feminist storyline. The books were not at all connected in terms of the plot but were equally capable of hooking one. I didn't however enjoy his short stories, 'A Quiver full of Arrows'.

9. Carolyn Keene (Nancy Drew series): Another book series I loved as a kid, after outgrowing Noddy, was the Nancy Drew series. They were a part of growing up as well.

10. Ayn Rand: Let me be honest, I have only read her 'The Fountainhead' as of now. It was a painfully difficult novel to read but so representative of our society today even though the novel itself was based in 1920s and 30s in US. 'Atlas shrugged' is waiting to be picked.

11. Sidney Sheldon: He was my first introduction to thrillers and the day I picked up a Sidney Sheldon (I even remember it was 'The Best Laid Plans'), I never again picked up another Danielle Steel. I was totally done away with romance.

12. Danielle Steele: Well, the entries above would make it sound like I detest Danielle Steel but in reality she and her books had introduced the idea of romance in my head in my early twenties. Only, she set the standard too high for real life people to be able to meet the criteria. *wink*

13. Robert Ludlum: This should actually have been much above in the list but I am not in the mood to redo the numbering (wish it worked like MS Word). The Jason Bourne series will always be my favourite (even the Matt Damon movie series which was radically different from the books) and he will remain my eternal Superhero - more human than any superhero stories in the world.

14. Margaret Mitchell: The only book she has ever written in her lifetime is also one of my all-time favourites, 'Gone with the Wind'. This book made the summer of 1996 beautiful for me.

15. Louisa May Alcott and Johanna Spyri: I am including these two for the only books of theirs that I have read till date: 'Little women' by Alcott, my introduction to classics and 'Heidi' by Spyri, my introduction to novels; both of which sowed the seeds to importance of being a good human beings.

Similar post: My Top Ten Favourite Books