Why I talk about women's issues?

This post had been in offing for some time now. Two three incidents happened recently that were prompting me to write this down to make my stand clear.

First, a friend going through an unfortunate divorce where he is allegedly facing many a false allegations and charges asked me why I ‘always’ favour women and write about atrocities on women and not on atrocities on men and on how the women friendly laws are being used by vile and vicious women against innocent men. Second, a female friend had tagged me against a post about “Feminazis vs. Women”. Of course, I untagged myself but sportingly shared the same on my timeline, briefly putting forth my viewpoint. Then again, Friday night I shared a joke on wives with a friend on Whatsapp. I added below that the same is also applicable on husbands (simply because the joke was otherwise not gender specific). He first asked me whether I am against husbands or against men. I responded saying that I’m neither and that I am against differentiation of any kinds. Just as I was explaining myself in as light hearted conversation as possible, he asked me whether I have been drinking since it was a Friday night. I laughed it off by saying, “Haha… I don’t drink. But, that was a good one – very effective in quashing everything I just said.” Of course, he covered it up with a “I was just kidding” argument and then even complimented me on being a responsible mother, but the point was driven across very clearly. The point in all this is that I am viewed by my friends as a strong-feminist.

I don’t see anything wrong with the label, neither do I think there’s anything wrong with being a feminist in the first place. Only, I don’t see myself as a feminist – at least not the kind of feminist that is popularly perceived as a “bra-burning, man-hating” person. However, if you really go by the Bell Hooks definition of a feminist which says, “a feminist advocates or supports the rights and equality of women”; then I may proudly be categorized as one. The key word here is equality. I am more of an “equalist” (without propoganding the communist agenda and Marx’s scholastic teachings) and I AM very vocal and supportive of equality among people: male-female especially, but even generally (for example, I am also against quotas based on castes).

I would like to see a world where it makes no difference what your gender is; where men and women share equal responsibilities and get equal rights; where they both respect each other for being a human rather than for being a male income provider or a homemaker (latter should just be different roles they play). Clearly, this is not the case as of today where, in the society, men enjoy a privileged status as against women, be it for any reason: traditional orthodoxy, roles played by them in the society or the generally superior psychological complex. And mind you, I am not referring to India alone although the problem is deep rooted in India. But, how do you bring about equality? Gosh, that must be confusing for anyone to understand.

Let me illustrate further: There are two books, one is lying on the floor and other one is lying on a high table. There are three ways you can bring them at the same level: 1) Pick up the book on the table and put it on the floor; 2) Pick both books and put then on a chair (a level in between); and 3) Pick up the book on the floor and put it on the table. I choose the third. If anyone has been following my posts on Facebook, Whatsapp or my blog; for most instances, I try not to generalize against men and male gender. I do not think degrading men will help in upgrading women. I try to talk about women. I try to talk about my views on the issues faced by women. But I do not deny that all men are not on fault and there are many men in the world who respect women and consider them equally capable as themselves. Personally, I favour all the laws in place to help women counter oppression, but just like we say in our world of risk management, “No control is fool-proof”, even laws are not fool-proof and each law opens doors for their misuse against genuine and innocent men. However, having said that, it is not a reason to not put laws in place just as much as we put controls in place nevertheless. Hence, we should continue to work towards upliftment of women. We should continue to talk about and discuss the problems and issues faced by women. It is my firm belief that we can change mindsets and societal equations by persistently talking about issues and creating awareness about them. The results may not show immediately but unless we talk about and challenge the problems, no change will ever happen. I may not be able to see the kind of world of equal opportunity that I envisage in my lifetime, but I do hope that if I and other people continue to talk about these issues and problems, our kids just might be lucky to witness our dream.

And so I continue to talk about women. Because the equations in our society currently are lopsided towards men. Because we live in a society where we teach women how to avoid rape, but don't teach men self-control. Because woman are told not to let men treat them as objects, but no one teaches men that woman are not toys. Because awareness and fear of rape is just a normal part of being a woman, like breathing and eating. Because when girls go to college they're buying pepper spray while guys are buying condoms. Because some women weren't even women yet when they first began experiencing misogyny and harassment. Because a woman shouldn't have to feel any less safe walking home alone at night than a man. Because men don’t text each other that they got home safe. Because when a man says no in this culture, it's the end of the discussion while when a woman says no, it's the beginning of a negotiation. Because sexuality, entitlement & consent are part of a conversation we need to have with our daughters AND our sons. Because breastfeeding by women in public is offensive, but scratching the privates by men is acceptable. Because we still have offices and schools which have a dress code that has a full page about what girls can't wear & nothing about what boys can't wear. Because there are still over 200 Nigerian girls missing and America is negotiating since months; yet they discreetly buy freedoms for male journalists. (As for India, we don’t even count our missing girls, leave alone take action.) Because women having opinions, even when wholly grounded in logic, leads to them being called "difficult" and "emotional." Because every woman I know has something to contribute to this discussion and that just makes me so sad. Because the guys are not going to take feminism away from me and call me bossy / hostile / aggressive and make this about themselves. Because the point of this isn't to shame men, it's to empower women and yet, so many guys are still making this about them. Because I'm tired of having to contend and demonstrate that I don't hate men. How about more proof that men don't hate women?

And yes, I do believe that this doesn't make me a ‘feminist’. It makes me a ‘humanist’.